Pattaya Mail — Columns

Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Dolf Riks: Charlie's Hideaway, Pattaya 1969

In February 1969 I took the orange bus from the Sukhumvit terminal at Soi Ekamai and after a hair-raising trip along the old road which lasted at least three hours, I arrived at what is now the South Pattaya intersection.

Friends of mine in Bangkok had put pressure on me to take over the reigns of a restaurant on Pattaya Beach called Charlie’s Hideaway. It was run by Charlie Cattanach, one of the most colourful characters of a collection of similar legendary personalities, which would have made Pattaya in those early years the envy of writers like Somerset Maugham and Rudyard Kipling, would they still be with us. Charlie, a most amiable and amusing company, but with no business sense at all, had the absurd idea that he could let me run the Hideaway while he with his Thai wife and four children could move to Switzerland for eternal holidays. Being a novice in the restaurant business myself, I believed that this was entirely plausible.

I learned fast and soon saw the folly of the plan, but meanwhile I had pulled up my stakes in Bangkok and there was little to be done but wait for some other opportunity to come along. As it turned out, I had descended the orange bus too far down the road to Sattahip and I had to take a baht bus down several sandy roads to Soi 5, where the Carlton Hotel is at present. Although it was about two in the afternoon when I arrived, there was nobody around but a surly driver of sorts, who told me that I would not see Charlie until at least six o’clock in the evening.

So I pottered around for a while, walked down to the sea, while getting increasingly hungry. Surely, I reasoned, they will eat something soon, but once the family had appeared they made no signs of preparing for dinner. Instead Charlie started on his first Dry Martini of the day. As it turned out we went down to South Pattaya at about ten at night to have dinner at another restaurant, the "Coral Reef", where we had a late supper at which time I was ready to faint. When we finally came home it was getting light and Charlie and family retired for the day until the next afternoon, leaving me in the dark about my future employment.

Charlie was a retired US Army man. He always reminded me of a gypsy, a minstrel or a frustrated opera star. Indeed, he had a good voice and whenever the spirit was upon him, he spontaneously burst out in songs like "Oh Danny Boy", "Waltzing Mathilda" or that wonderful Al Jolson standby, "Mammy." He had a moustache which he stroked wildly in times of crises, wore a colourful scarf, to disguise the wrinkles in his neck, while he invariably referred to himself in the third person as "Charlie" to us, and "Daddy" to his personnel. It was the colonial "one big happy family" idea, strengthened by the fact that at least half of his employees (which were numerous) were relatives from Khun Surang, his legal spouse. Nothing happened in the establishment that wasn’t reported to Khun Surang and I felt invariably spied upon. She was the queen bee and her word was law.

Like many Americans, Charlie did not have the slightest feelings for the pronunciation of foreign languages and although married for at least a decade, he was still not able to pronounce his wife’s name and called her something like Sorraeng. Like at the Ballet Russe, some sort of crises was always extant "at Charlie’s". One day Charlie ordered the moveable bar to be shifted about a foot. Overhead, as was fashionable in Pattaya’s restaurants in those days, were a couple of blowfish converted into lamps. When "Daddy" came down that night from the house he went into another tantrum and as usual brushed up is moustache and exclaimed, "Daddy has the ‘Mohohs’ (in Thai, Moho", with the stress on the second syllable, means angry). Not realising that the bar had moved, in his indignation he threw up his hands as a change of scenario and threw them both into the blowfish. This resulted in even more theatricals, until it was pointed out to him that he himself had ordered the alterations which caused him the agony.

Since it soon became apparent that Charlie could hardly pay me staying home in Pattaya, let alone going to Switzerland with the whole gang. We parted good friends after four months and after I left, Charlie went through two or three Maitres d’ Hotel. One of them was an Italian who looked like Fernandel, called Amos and was originally a drummer with the Los Colorados. This was a Latin trio à la "Los Paraguayos", another set of personalities, which will soon appear again in this column.

Amos, married to a Thai lady, spent about ten years in Paris. He spoke abominable English, French and even bad Italian according to one other Italian member of the trio called Angelo. By that time Charlie had built an annex lounge, where he engaged small combos including two of the "Los Colorados". The following story comes from Angelo as who was a great raconteur.

At the time, the Vietnam War was raging and most of our customers were Americans involved in this dreadful business. Amos, with his most gregarious Fernandel smile, presided at the bar at the entrance of the restaurant in between the actual restaurant and the lounge where Angelo watched the proceedings. An American lady emerged from the restaurant and asked Amos for the ladies’ room. Amos, oozing charm, directed her to the exit door, which led directly into the garden under the clear and star spangled heavens. After she must have wandered among the greenery wondering what kind of convenience Charlie’s had to offer, she decided to re-enter, and seeing Amos, she asked him slightly irritated wherever the ladies room was. Amos smiled broadly, bowed and with a flourish greeted her and exclaimed, "Good evening "Madame", how many persons please?" The lady was not amused!

Dear Hillary,
The other day I met the parents of a friend in Pattaya who came to visit their son. While talking to them, they asked me how it came to be that I got "stuck" in Pattaya. My explanation, that my husband and I both decided to work here, was taken with an astounded raising of the eyebrows. The then woman asked me if we had actually ‘learned’ our business, or if it was only by luck that we got our present positions, for she couldn’t imagine how people ‘who are clever’ could stay here.

I was very upset, though I didn’t show it to her. What do people like them think? Do they really believe only the dregs of society are living in Pattaya? They have probably never heard of the big expat community in and around Pattaya, who are definitely all very honourable and intelligent people. I am sure I will meet them again, how should I react if they start talking to me the same way?

Upset

Dear Upset,
Ignorance is one of the worse things in life and it is very hard to fight against it. People sometimes have preconceived notions about things they no little or nothing about, yet make up their minds that it is true. It takes a lot of patience to change that.

Those kinds of people are usually quite stuck up and don’t even bother to think clearly. Should they ever approach you with something naive again, ask them why they have such a bad opinion about their own son, since he is living in Pattaya and therefore part of the society here. If explanations don’t help, ignore them - its the best way to answer ignorance.

Dear Hillary,
Help! I am living with my husband near Chonburi. He works there at a big company. We have three children, ages 1, 3, and 5. There is absolutely nothing to do around here. I am stuck with my children all day long, for there is no English or International Kindergarten around. My housemaid is doing all the work and the cooking. I have absolutely nothing to do, except taking care of my children. I have no friends at all around here and I catch myself talking in baby-language to my husband when he comes home. If I could bring my kids to Kindergarten, at least for half a day, I would be able to join some organisations or clubs and save myself from dying of boredom. Please let me know something!

Bored to Death.

Dear Bored to Death,
I do understand you very well. I, myself, don’t know if an organisation such as a Lady’s Club exists in the Chonburi area. If there’s no English language Kindergarten around your area, why don’t you send your children to a Thai Kindergarten? Children do learn a language very fast and I believe it would do them good to be around other children.

If some of our readers know where to turn to in the Chonburi area, please let us know. Send your letters to: Pattaya Mail, c/o Hillary, subject: bored.

Dear Readers,
There’s always something you like to know or need advice about. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your family or your friends about it, but much easier to open up to a total stranger. Therefore, please don’t hesitate to write letters to me and tell me about your problems. Your letters will be handled with the utmost respect and confidence and will be answered, no matter if you sign with your name or use a pseudonym.

Yours truly,
Hillary

  Thai Idiom: Sa

To be effervescent
‘I hate those kind of lights!’
‘I think they’re talking about soft drinks.’
‘I knew that. I was just making a joke.’
‘Right.’
In the Thai language, Sa can mean effervescent
like a soft drink.
It can also refer to a personality type. When we speak
of a person having an ‘effervescent’ personality, it is usually a compliment.
In the Thai language, effervescent is pejorative and
refers to a person who is flippant beyond bearing.
Sa people often end up receiving free facial rearrangements.
This is pronounced on a falling tone.

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