Pattaya Mail — Columns

Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Dolf Riks: A new porcine edition to the homestead

It must have been about two months ago that, under heavy pressure of a ten year old young man in my household, we went as far as to acquire a piglet for our open zoo. Nittipon, the young man, said that the driver of the school bus, supposedly the supplier of the livestock, said it was a wild pig. As avid readers may remember, not so long ago the same promising lad, a scion of excellent and sturdy North-eastern farmer stock, begged me for the purchase of a calf, which proposition I vetoed, considering how big it would be as a full grown cow or bull. The fact, however, that this time it was supposed to be a wild pig intrigued me and that’s why I supplied the six hundred baht necessary for the deal.

It turned out that "Piggy" was not of the wild variety but belonged to the indigenous Asian black swine family, also called the Chinese pig. As usual, Thais call it of course a Thai pig as compared to the pink European monsters, which for commercial reasons have replaced these smaller – but much tastier – black pigs in rural Thailand. I remember the pot bellied black pigs so well from my youth in the Christian part of Sulawesi, in Indonesia, where these pigs are, or were, held in high esteem and part of the household. The gardens and under the houses on stilts were usually swarming with them. According to my informants, the same was the case here in Thailand not even that long ago. In Irian and surrounding islands, and I assume in Papua N.G. as well, the black domesticated pig is so much a part of the family that lactating human mothers even nurse the little dears when they are young and children carry them around like puppies and kittens or like their own siblings.

Photo: There is nothing more satisfying than a siesta after lunch.

My experiences with domesticated pigs started actually with a ship’s pig. I have told the story before but some of the keen readers of the Pattaya Mail may have missed it. It was on a cattle ship doing the Singapore, Bali, Lombok, Nusa Tenggara and back to Singapore trade, transporting beautiful Bali cattle, Brahmans, and buffaloes as well as pigs. One day the Chief Engineer was given a small Balinese suckling pig by one of the Chinese shippers in order to have it prepared on a spit after a fashion and served at his table. As soon as it came on board all the officers fell on their knees in adoration of the beast and it was decided to call it Jacob. Now Jacob was not an ordinary black pig but a Babi Bali ("Babi" is Malay for pig) and this special species of swine develops huge tusks when they get older, especially the boars.

As Jacob was of the male gender he indeed became a fearsome creature in spite of its gentle personality. He usually slept on the doormat of the Chief Engineer on the officer’s deck and the Indonesian labour, in the ports we called on, the majority of which practice Islam, where absolutely terrified by the monster. This was welcome to us as in those days the Indonesian ports were sheer chaos and pilferage was the order of the day.

Unfortunately, in Singapore, where we discharged most of the cattle, the labour were Hokkien Chinese, who consider the meat of such a specimen as Jacob the greatest delicacy. Poor old Jacob disappeared one night when we officers were exploring the delights of the Happy World and the Great World. Jacob probably re-emerged on Albert street, or some other busy food street, as the perfect example of Elia Lamb’s famous roast pig.

Another experience was when we had a young pink pig of the European kind. Our house was right behind the restaurant on South Pattaya Road and as the garden wasn’t properly fenced, I had to carry the screaming pink animal up to the specious wooden balcony for safe keeping every evening at sundown. As it became too heavy and cumbersome, after a while we had to sell it to somebody which had better accommodation available.

Piggy is our latest porcine pet and although she is eating us out of our estate, she is popular with us as well as the dogs, and the chickens ignore her completely unless she has something to eat they may hope to get their share of. Miss Piggy was only a few weeks old when we adopted her and lived in a box on milk and little bits of pig’s feed bought in the market. This period lasted probably for two weeks as she soon was too big for the box and we put her on the balcony with Cheeup, the black and white mini dog who almost went into shock and convulsions at the sight of her.

This period lasted only briefly and we let Piggy free in the garden with the other animals where she is quite happy, not afraid of anything, and a special friend of Whiskey, the younger one of the two Thai dogs. She runs as fast as Whiskey bites him playfully in whatever part of the anatomy she reaches and vice versa. Of course the only ones she can not get along with are those three ill-tempered geese who are fortunately separated from the rest of the zoo with some chicken wire. The only one they approve of is the Mea Bahn who feeds them.

Like with so many of human kind’s best friends, pigs have a bad name and are considered filthy. Let me assure you that Piggy likes her daily shower with the garden hose and goes for the call of nature way out into the garden. She does not smell badly, unless not taken care of and she sleeps in her own dry sandy corner under a few old tables and other broken down furniture. It is a unfortunate that Miss Piggy isn’t very photogenic because of her absence of colour and of all the pictures I took, to illustrate this article, none is actually good. At the time of writing this Piggy weighs 15 kg and we are looking for a male baby piglet for future romance.

Dear Hillary,
I am a Thai national, male, 19 years old. I go to University in Bangkok. I have a girlfriend in Pattaya, who I try to visit every weekend, as far as I have the time. We have been together for six months now and she is not only beautiful, but a great person. That’s where the problem starts: I am very jealous. There’s no reason to believe she is cheating on me, but I cannot help it. As soon as she leaves the room I go through her bags and pockets. I even think about coming once on a Friday night, when she usually goes out with her friends, just to check if she tells me the truth.
Am I going crazy? I never did anything like that before. What can I do, to find out about her for sure?

Jealous Lover

Dear Jealous Lover,
Stop searching her bag and her pockets. What you are doing is an invasion of her privacy and not normal behaviour. Jealousy is usually a normal phase of any relationship - just don’t exaggerate it! You must try to relax. You said she’d never given you any reason not to trust her. Don’t let your imaginations grow wild, for this could seriously effect your relationship with her. If you truly love her, try also to truly trust her. Only by doing so, your relationship might survive until you are both grown up. When you come to visit her, try to spend some relaxing and romantic time together with her - and give her the feeling you love, and trust her.

Dear Hillary,
I am relatively new in Thailand and to me the greeting habits are very unusual here. When I go out with friends, I see them sometimes giving a "wai" to somebody they know. I feel sometimes very embarrassed because I never know when to shake hands with a Thai and when not, and is it different for women than for men? I am a male "Farang’. Could you please clarify this matter for me?

Shake or Wai.

Dear Shake or Wai,
Welcome to Thailand. As soon as you start turning from a visitor to an inhabitant of Thailand, learn a bit about the language and the culture, the "Wai" will creep into your social actions at the proper time.

The best advice for now is unless you receive a "Wai", stick to the handshake with men and use a polite smile with women. Thai people know about ‘our’ handshakes and already have become accustomed to them. Thai women still prefer to avoid the physical contact of a handshake.

When the wonderful day arrives and you meet the right people at the right time and Thai people will greet you with a "Wai", you’ll probably find your hands full with papers, or you have a glass of Whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other. In that case, don’t hesitate, bring your hands as close together as possible and bring the whole bundle up to the appropriate position.

While waiting for that day to arrive until it becomes a habit, a few tips to help you avoid embarrassment to all parties:

1. Do not ‘wai’ servants, labourers and other people of lower social status than yours first.

2. Never give a ‘Wai’ to children. The saying is you will cut off their life a few years each time you do it.

3. If the person is in a lower position, reply with a lower ‘wai’. If the person is in a high position, reply with a high ‘wai’.

By greeting all people the same way, you will cause extreme embarrassment for some. You might even make yourself look ridiculous. Watch your friends and the Thai people, how they do it and learn from it. At the beginning, everybody will forgive you, for you are a foreigner, but after a while people will expect you to know about it.

Dear Readers,
There’s always something you like to know or need advice about. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your family or your friends about it, but much easier to open up to a total stranger. Therefore, please don’t hesitate to write letters to me and tell me about your problems. Your letters will be handled with the utmost respect and confidence and will be answered, no matter if you sign with your name or only with a pseudonym.

Yours truly,
Hillary

  Thai Idiom: Koo Kad

‘Bite pair’

‘It’s wrong again. It should be pear.’
‘Hmm. Sounds like someone talking to a monkey.’

Last week’s idiom was Khoo-Hoo, a good person to have around.
The fates seem to dole out Khoos of various kinds, but a Khoo Kad is not a blessing.
A person with whom you only fight and argue without ending the relationship is referred to as one’s Khoo-Kad.
These pairs can be very annoying to those around them.
The ‘ever young with a bit of help from the surgeon’ singer, Thongchai MacIntyre had a hit song called Khoo Kad.
The tones are long falling and short, low and biting, respectively.

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