I hope I am the first to wish you a Happy New Year for 2011.
You keep us informed about what I call “the Scene” in Thailand, and if some of
these chaps were just to slow down and read and absorb your advice, there would
be less heartache for them. Thanks again, Hillary.
Thank you for your good wishes for 2011, and it is always nice to know we are
appreciated here. I try to stay abreast of the “Scene” as you call it, and give
advice, but it is difficult as there are so many of these young chaps coming,
and they are like lemmings running over the cliff. But I try, Petal.
I have being coming to Thailand for a long time visiting all the open bars and
chatting to all the lovely girls. I would say I do understand the way business
is done around the bars. This year I met Lek from an open bar on Beach Road and
she stayed with me until I left. I am 60 and she said she’s 35. Now I am home I
still find myself thinking about her hoping she is happy. I will never know for
sure, but I believe every thing she told me. So be careful when you go to
Thailand but please don’t think that all the girls are after the one thing.
What can I say? You obviously fell for Lek, hook, line and sinker, but look at
it this way, Petal. You paid her way while you were here. She went with you as a
paid proposition. This was not love at first sight, rather more love at first
bite! It is a business when they are working in a bar and the girls to look for
the easy money - or otherwise they would be working in the general workforce,
factories and the like, even the poorly educated ones from the North-East can
get regular jobs. Your Lek admitted to 35, so she’s been working in a bar for
many years. Remember the episode as holiday fun, and leave it at that.
I am trying to work out if I should ask my good Thai lady friend to marry me. I
have known her now for many years and we get together every time I come over,
which is about three times a year. I met her 10 years ago when she was a tour
guide and she asked if she could email me after I went back to the States to
practice her English. When I say we get together, I don’t mean in a sexual way.
She is a very moral person and a strict Buddhist. She is not a young bar girl on
the make. She has a good job as a manager of a small hotel. She takes time off
work to see me (I reimburse her travel costs), has introduced me to her family
and friends, and acts as my guide and interpreter (no charge). I have brought
friends, male and female, and my three other grown children to Thailand and they
all like her very much as she has a wonderful sense of humor. Three years ago
she said we should get married. I told her that she was too young (32) and I was
too old (64), and we haven’t spoken about it since then. We email every week and
I tell her about my life in America. She always asks me for advice about
advancing her career, and tells me that other men say she is too conservative.
Now that she is in her 30s and we get along so well I am wondering if I should
risk this fine friendship by “getting serious” with marriage in mind? What is
your feeling about our relationship?
Tom from TX
Dear Tom from TX,
My Petal, this girl has been giving you the green light for 10 years and you are
still wondering what to do! This poor woman has been going to the temple praying
that she can find some way to get her Texas boyfriend to make the next move. She
says that other males say she is too conservative. In Thai woman-speak this
means that she is telling you she is not a sleep-around Sue. How many hints do
you need, Petal?
Have you asked your three grown up children what they
think? You say they like her. Do they like her enough to be a step-Mom? You say
you think this woman is wonderful - do they? I am sure that your children would
be looking out for your welfare. After all, you have looked after theirs. Ask
Three years ago, she took that huge leap and suggested
that the pair of you should get married, and you ran away citing the age
difference. Having been rejected once, do you honestly think she is going to
bring the subject up again? Of course not - remember ‘face’ is important for
Thai people. This time it is you who will have to make the first move. I think
you should be brave, Texas Tom.