What happened to Nairod?

Dear Hillary,

A couple of years back you had some chap who wanted to date you and he was called Narood or something like that. You kept on turning him down, and were quite strong to him a few times. What ever happened to him? I am wondering if the rejections were too much for him to handle? Do you remember him?

The Enquirer

Dear Enquirer,

Yes, Petal, I do remember him. How could I possibly forget him, drawing pictures of me in floral print dresses, and I never wear floral prints. You have a good memory, but his name was Nairod, not Narood, and I’ll give you the fact that he certainly was persistent. But his spelling was also atrocious, something I cannot stand. I do remember suggesting he pitch his tent on the middle of Sukhumvit Road, and as I haven’t heard from him since, perhaps he did. Those Orange Crush busses don’t stop for anything. I don’t think I saw an obituary for him, but he really was a simple soul, and totally forgettable, other than by you and me. If he’s still out there, he can send me a short letter to show he’s still alive, but no floral prints and protestations of undying love. OK?

A 50 year old with a 1000 year old problem

Dear Hillary,

I am a young (relatively) 50 year old and enjoy the nightlife round here. I don’t take any of the offers I get from the girls seriously, as I know they are out for a fun time, just like I am. Recently there’s been one girl that has singled me out as hers, and she’s great fun too, but I just think she’s been getting too serious as now the other girls all leave me alone. How do I get back to playing the field, the way I like to do it?

Fit ‘n 50

Dear Fit ‘n 50,

I think you are trying to blame some girl for your problems, Petal. I think it is you who has become serious. Did she “single you out” or did you single her out? If you think the girls in the bars are just there for a “fun time” like you, then you haven’t even started to understand the situation at all. You may be a wonderfully fit 50 year old, but it’s not your body that they are after. It’s your wallet, Sweet Pea. Once you have grasped that fact, you can get back to playing your field, but I suggest you go to another bar, there’s a reasonably large number of them after all, and start again, and if you wish to remain footloose and fancy free, keep moving.

Is Hillary a real person?

Dear Hillary,

Are you a real person? You’ve been handing out the advice for a few years, but we never get to see you. With all the functions that Pattaya Mail attends, we would have expected to see at least one shot. But none. Mates have come to the conclusion that you are not one person, but are probably like a committee and you share out this week’s letters, keep the good ones and bin the rest. Are we right? Or are we right! Honest answer please, “Ms.” Hillary.

Jason

Dear Jason (and the Argonauts),

Sorry to disappoint you boys, but Hillary is one person, and is definitely not a committee. Remember that a camel was a horse designed by a committee. Do you honestly think the Pattaya Mail could come to an agreement on what to keep and what to bin? Sorry, but you are very wrong.

Wealth hazards - again

Dear Hillary,

I remain utterly flabbergasted that every week, or it seems that way, you will get another letter from a broken hearted male who has lost another house and several ounces of gold to another young Thai hussy. That is after the buffalo has had its expensive injections to get it on its feet again and her brother’s broken leg is mended after falling off the motorbike that he bought the girlfriend. And let’s not forget the repairs to the motorbike as well. Does nobody warn these people that this is the most likely outcome? Perhaps you should have a notice inserted in the paper that Thai women are a wealth hazard!

The Wise Investor

Dear Wise Investor,

Are you implying that Thai ladies are only after what’s in the male wallet, and not in the pants? How could you possibly say such things? Have you been reading Stephen Leather’s book Private Dancer to come out with these preposterous ideas? And where Stephen Leather got the ideas in the first place is way beyond me. The reason the girls are all sitting on stools outside a bar is because they are just walking to work and they are tired and have sat down for a little breather. That’s all. The thought of getting some well endowed male (in the monetary sense, Petal) to donate to the family financial cause is the furthest thing from their mind. So you see, there’s nothing to warn the young chaps about.