Dear Hillary,
We have some friends coming over from the US at Xmas, and normally I’d be very happy, but this time we will be in the middle of shifting house and I don’t think I’d be able to look after houseguests at the same time. The children will be back from school and it’s all too much. How can I put out American friends off? Nicely without offending them?
Barbara

Dear Barbara,
I can sympathize with you in this predicament, but it’s easy to get over this problem. Just explain to your friends that you can’t give them a bed this time, because of the shifting in, but suggest that you’ll find them a little hotel close by for around $30 a night (B. 1,000). They won’t be offended - we’ve all been through the problems with shifting. I also suggest you contract out the shifting to one of the professional removals people. They come in, pack everything, take it to the new house and then unpack everything and place the items where you want - but please have an idea just where you want the wardrobes before the truck arrives!

Dear Hillary,
I used my husband’s computer the other day and I was horrified to find he had been looking at some of the porn sites. I didn’t check to see how long this has been going on, but at 65 years of age, surely he should be over that immature phase of his life. Should I send him for counseling, and where do you recommend?
Gertrude

Dear Gertrude,
I am presuming that you are of similar age to your husband, and it would also seem that you wear the pants in the family. Sending him for counseling! Come on, Petal. You may be married to the man, but that doesn’t give you the power to send him anywhere. I am sorry to tell you, Gertrude, that watching a bit of porn is nothing to do with “immature phases”, and is probably an important let-off for the average husband (especially ones married to domineering wives). Let the man be a man. Let him have enjoyment from his hormones. And stop looking in other people’s computers. It’s just like steaming open other people’s mail!

Dear Hillary,
I went into one of the large supermarkets the other afternoon, intending to buy a bottle of wine for the evening and maybe a couple of cold beers for the afternoon, but instead I had to suffer the embarrassment of being told off by the checkout girl and having to leave my alcohol choices behind. What sort of a crazy law is that, Hillary? Why didn’t the supermarket rope off the area, or at least have a sign warning people? Is it supposed to cut down alcohol in the afternoons? Why? This is 2011, not 1811.
Robert

Dear Robert,
Unfortunately Thailand does have some regulations that foreigners find difficult to understand. The reason for the ban on alcohol sales in the afternoons, is to restrict the availability of alcohol to school-age children. Well, that was the basic plan, but like all good plans, they may not be so good in the overall scheme. While the supermarkets are rigidly policed, the Mom and Pop shops will sell alcohol to anyone, any time. However, once a rule gets into the rule books, it is difficult to get it out of the rule books. So now you know, and you also know how to get round it all, but I didn’t tell you, did I, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
I see you have included some success stories in your column. Remember the famous song “I got you babe”? About two people who fall in love and think love will pay the bills. Well it does not work in the UK or America or anywhere else. Eighteen months ago I met girl in a bar in Pattaya from Isaan. She was intelligent and very proud of her family - did not like her work - but as many do, did it for survival reasons. She went back to her village two months after I met her and has now her pride back and works in a simple family business and earns less than 150 baht a day. I send her help every month and visit her village 3 times a year - and when I visit I am treated like a family member by all her family. We are going to get married in one year’s time and I believe you have got to provide for the one you love no matter where you live in the world. Do you agree?
Another Success?

Dear Another Success?,
It’s a little early to be claiming success, my Petal. You do that after 10 years. The really successful ones are people who are happy in their relationship and do not need advice from an ‘agony aunt’ column like this one. Your point is well taken and should be understood by everyone who is contemplating entering a relationship anywhere in the world. Love (alone) does not pay the bills. There is an obligation to provide and I am very pleased to see that you have accepted that, and that it is working out for you.