Dear Hillary,
Don’t you get sick of all the dipsticks writing in with their hopeless situations? They bring it all on themselves. I believe there’s still a couple of unclaimed brains at the Suvarnabhumi left luggage counter. Is this true?
George

Dear George,
I’m a little confused about this “dipstick” thing. My garage tells me that my engine has one, so why would my engine be writing to me? Sorry, but that’s all Greek engineering to me. However, you are completely correct about the Suvarnabhumi left luggage department. At the last count there were 746 unclaimed brains, plus 1034 transferred over from the old Don Muang airport after its closure. I have not enquired recently about Phuket, but I am told by a usually reliable source that there are 46 German ones and 64 Australian ones being held in Phuket, waiting for their owners.

Dear Hillary,
We are coming over to Thailand for a holiday at Xmas and having three weeks in Pattaya and the last one in Phuket. Any ideas on restaurants we should try. We like the fine dining because it is so much cheaper than home (Melbourne, Australia).
Wayne and Marjory

Dear Wayne and Marjory,
I am delighted to see that Australians are coming over to Thailand because it is “so much cheaper”. Not just the dining out scene, my Petals, but almost everything else is cheaper too. People come to Thailand just to get their teeth fixed! Did you know that? And the ladies from Australia come for cosmetic surgery too. There are so many great places to eat that it is hard for me to start, but if you go to the Dining Out column in the Pattaya Mail you get a weekly restaurant review, and since you will be reading it on-line, you can work backwards (instead of upside-down) and read all of this year’s reviews. I suggest you make sure you try the Dusit Thani’s Saturday BBQ around the pool, the Amari Resort’s Mantra, the Hilton’s Flare and their Sunday Brunch, the Royal Cliff’s Grill Room and Wine Cellar, Casa Pascal, Mata Hari and Gian’s Italian restaurant. There are more but those are the ones that come straight to mind. Stepping down from the ‘fine dining’ bracket there are many other interesting restaurants in Pattaya, with Jameson’s Irish Pub’s weekly specials difficult to beat, Don Joe’s Italian restaurant on Walking Street, Pizza Pizza in the Avenue Shopping Center and the D2’s s.e.a. restaurant next door to that. As I said, read the reviews, Petals. Now I’m sorry I can’t help you about Phuket, as I don’t go there (why would I when I live in Pattaya?), but watch out for brains left at the airport!

Dear Hillary,
You do get lots of letters about foreigners getting ripped off. No wonder, the laws were made 114 years ago. Nothing much has changed since. You should get in contact with Immigration and find out how many foreign men do their self in because of it. How would it be if the boot was on the other foot, that might open your eyes and change your way of thinking. How quickly Thais forgot all the help and money they got from tsunami. Shame on you Thailand. Also the government has missed the boat they should have made keno legal, more revenue and pay a good pension, but they treat Thais like little kids. Wrap them in cotton wool and gambling you cannot even play cards. What a joke, they need to up date their laws.
Dick

Dear Dick,
Whew! How many subjects did we cover in that one letter, Petal? I can see that you are fairly upset by the goings on of Thai society, both for foreigners and for Thais, and that is very nice of you to look after both groups. However, I don’t think Immigration keep the statistics on UFFO’s (unidentified foreign flying objects), but I’m sure the embassies would, if you’d like to explore the subject. I believe that anyone who tops themselves have problems they can’t see their way out of, and those problems can be much more than just the immigration laws. Financial worries are high on the list (well on my list anyway), and being unlucky in love another reason. Gambling is illegal in this country, Dick, and sure, there is an opportunity for governments to cash in, but the Thai government is the body to make that decision, not you, I’m afraid.

Dear Hillary,
Why do Thais when they are out in company with English speaking people still speak Thai to each other, even though they can speak English? Don’t you think this is very rude?
British Bob

Dear British Bob,
Bob, where are you living? Check the address on your Post Office Box - you are living in Chonburi Province - that’s part of Thailand at last count. Rather than them speaking English, it is you who should speak Thai. Or is it that you are worried about the Thais talking about you? Don’t worry about it. But remember that just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t out to get you!