Dear Hillary,
Are the people round this neck of the woods getting even more stupid than before? Mid-sixty year old Australian executive meets the girl of his dreams in a Pattaya bar and sets up house with her, in spite of counseling by his friends over here. He goes back to sell his house, divorce his wife of 40 years and bring countless millions of baht back to Thailand. However, Australian wife says “No way, Jose” and by the time the divorce lawyers have finished with him he has nothing left, and so brings next to nothing to Thailand, but at least his sweetheart is waiting in the house he bought for her before he left. Only problem is that she has gone up country, after selling the house, which was in her name, naturally. So now he has nothing in either country, no wife in either country, and at his age no good job prospects either. And that guy was an executive in the banking business! What can you do with people like that, Hillary?
Flabbergasted

Dear Flabbergasted,
Unfortunately, there’s very little you can do in these circumstances. As you say, all his friends counseled him, but to no avail, he just went ahead and did it, going straight down the road to ruin. Probably the only plus in this situation, is that he wasn’t dealing with your money.

Dear Hillary,
When are you going to collect all your writings into a book? I reckon it would have to be a great hit. I have mates overseas who read you every week, just for the laugh at the poor sods who write in. I’ll buy the first copy.
Regular Reader

Dear Reg the Reader,
It is always nice to know that the readers enjoy the column, especially people like Big D from the USA who sends champagne and chocolates with his letters. (Thanks again Big D!) We have discussed putting some of the best letters together, but it is a lot of work, Reg my Petal. Maybe it will be something for me to do when I retire. I’ll let you know and autograph that first copy just for you. Of course the first copy will be more expensive than the others, so in true fashion for these parts, there will be around 1,000 first copies, just like the third 50 percent share of many bars that is sold so often! By the way, I would rather your friends laugh at my answers, rather than at the readers’ problems.

Dear Hillary,
One of my workmates is getting sillier and sillier in his old age (62). Goes out, gets a skinful and starts giving away his money to the nearest bar girl. They of course won’t accept the money because he is drunk, and if you believe that you’ll believe anything! The money is gone in a flash, as does the girl. Next night he’ll do it all again, and it’s no small bikkies either. He generally has around 5,000 baht in his wallet, and away it goes. I have to end up paying his check bin as he doesn’t have any more money left. What should I do? Leave him there, or what?
Joe

Dear Joe,
You can’t really just leave him there, even though you might feel like it. What you have to do is just not go out with him on these drinking sessions. You must know which bars he frequents, so don’t go there. What he does on his own is his responsibility, just don’t be there to end up having to pay for his stupidity. Of course, if he has so much money he doesn’t miss the odd 5,000 baht, tell him to pop into the Pattaya Mail offices and leave the money in a plain brown envelope, with “For Hillary Only” on the outside.

Dear Hillary,
I am a 14 year old boy at one of the schools and I am not sure if I have a problem. Every moning (sic) I have been waking up with a kinda stiffness down below and since I cut my foot a week ago and did not go to hospittal (sic) I am afraid this could be tetnus (sic). How can I tell? I begun to ask one of the boys in my class but he laughed at me so I didn’t tell him about the whole story about the tetnus (sic) problem. What should I do? Is it dangerus (sic)?
Worried William

Dear Worried Willy,
You certainly do have a problem, but that stiffness you are describing does not sound like tetanus to me, my Petal. I think you should have a chat to your father about this, or an elder brother if you have one. Just be aware that this is a normal part of growing up, like your voice going deeper and is just caused by natural hormonal changes. You’ll be looking for it later I can assure you! Meanwhile take a cold shower in the mornings and you will be able to fit into your school shorts. I would also suggest you stay back for extra English classes. Your spelling is abysmal (look it up, darling)! That’s your biggest problem.