Dear Hillary,
My hairdresser lady said the other day that coming to Pattaya and finding a farang husband is like winning the lottery for a Thai woman. This amazed me, as there appears to be so much strife with the farang-Thai households, one would hardly consider it to be a lucky lottery ticket. What is your take on this, Hillary? You are the one who gets all the moans and groans.
Charles

Dear Charles,
You are thinking only from the foreign male’s viewpoint, Petal, and if you are basing your letter on the moans and groans on these pages, then you are ignoring all the other lucky lottery ticket holders, who have no need to write to me. For a young Thai woman (or any age, for that matter) to come to Pattaya and form a relationship with a local farang means they have opened the door to an opportunity otherwise impossible. Luxury condo living is certainly better than sharing one concrete walled room with three or four other refugees from the North-East. Do you wonder why amongst ourselves we can describe the relationship as being like winning the lottery? So the relationship can go sour, but that is the risk that all couples have to take. Fifty percent of first marriages fail in the UK and the US I am told (and not all of them are married to Thai ladies).

Dear Hillary,
One of my American friends was telling me in an email that buying a bar in Pattaya is dangerous, as well as being overpriced. They seemed quite reasonable to me, compared to prices over here, and I read that a 50 percent share is also possible. What are the problems and what should I be looking out for before purchase?
Bill the Barman

Dear Bill,
It seems obvious to me that you have no idea about doing business in Thailand, and have a pile of money burning a hole in your pocket. You are the ideal patsy, Bill. Sorry to say it, but have you ever heard of the phrase “due diligence”? That’s the research you should do before buying any businesses anywhere, and especially in Thailand. How old are you, Petal? Are you really that wet behind the ears? For a foreigner to work over here you will need a work permit, and you only get one of those if you can do a job that no Thai person can do. Anyone of any nationality can prop up a bar. However, you can get a work permit by some underhand maneuvering, but then you set yourself up to be asked for money by the nice friendly policeman to look the other way. If your bar is successful, those monthly payments go up as well. Leave running a bar to those who know how to, and the pitfalls. Stay on the customer’s side of the bar and forget about buying in with a 50 percent share. It just might be the third 50 percent share that is being offered. It has happened before, and will happen again. Especially when there are punters with money thinking Pattaya is Paradise. The only similarity between the two is they both start with the letter “P”.

Dear Hillary,
I am a little worried that my husband has been playing up recently. He has been going to bars with his workmates after the office closes and seems to be staying out longer and longer. I have told him he has to let me know when he is coming home, as I have often got jobs for him to do around our condo, and he has to have time to prepare the dinner for all of us (we have a pet poodle). When I went through his pockets the other evening I found a business card for a bar in one of the more seedy areas in town. Have I got a real worry here or not, Hillary. Please let me know.
Anxious Annabel

Dear Anxious Annabel,
You sure do have a problem, Annabel my Petal, you surely do. If my partner were to be telling me to come home and cook the dinner after I spent all day in the office, then I’d even go to bars myself, just as retaliation. Time you learned to cook and fend for yourself, just remember to let the can of dog food come to room temperature. I hope you and the poodle have some lovely romantic candlelight dinners together. Just watch out that its coat doesn’t singe. Wake up, Annabel. Time for you to be looking at what you are doing, not what he is doing.

Dear Hillary,
I am a 61 year old expat who has been visiting Thailand regularly. I am currently having a house built in Pattaya. I have taken up with a 21 year old bargirl. I think she is into leather and bondage because when she saw my wallet she wanted to get tied to it. What do you think are the chances of a long term relationship?
Mark. D. Sade

Dear Mark,
How long? Depends on how long you keep your wallet filled, Petal. You could also try keeping your money in a sock, rather than a leather wallet if you think leather’s the attraction.