Dear Hillary,
What do you do about wandering wives? It seems to me that Thai women are all worried about the man playing up, but they are just as likely to be having a little something on the side. How many times have you been told about some chap’s Thai GF having a Thai BF on the side? I can think of lots. We have a phrase ‘What’s sauce for the goose is good for the gander’, and I don’t think the Thai women really understand this. Or am I wrong?
Shaun

Dear Shaun,
Why does anyone have a little fling? Forget about men and women, Thais or foreigners, it is in human nature. Usually this happens when there is something lacking in the partnership, but just as often it is just to add a little ‘spice’ to life, and Thai women do like their ‘spice’, don’t they!

I get the feeling from your email that you have suspicions that your Thai wife (or GF) is wandering. I don’t believe there is much gained by having her followed, but there is more to gain by looking at yourself and how you contribute to the partnership, and I don’t mean financially. Too many farangs seem to think that if they pay their GF money each month, that means they have done everything necessary, and don’t need to do any more. If you are looking for a maid to sleep with, then that’s what you’ll get, but if you are looking for a life’s partner you must stop thinking about “wages”.

“Sauce for the goose is good for the gander”? Garlic and pepper is nice, but even a Panang may suit.

Dear Hillary,
The other evening my husband of 20 years called me a bitch with no provocation from me at all, so I decided to teach him a lesson, and made him sleep in the spare room that night. He just laughs and shrugs it off when I ask him about it. This has now been going on for a few weeks. I am really thinking of leaving. What is your opinion, Hillary?
Extremely Annoyed

Dear Extremely Annoyed,
Perhaps if you bark at him again you will get the answer.

Dear Hillary,
After many, many great holidays in your beautiful country I have decided to come and retire there. I think somewhere in the north might suit me as it is not so hot as down the southern end. Could you advise me on the possibilities of purchase of a suitable abode, and how do I get the requisite visas to stay there with you? I always read your column and enjoy the advice given out so succinctly.
Sir Francis

Dear Sir Francis,
Don’t come the ducks and drakes with me Petal. Do you honestly think that Hillary can represent the Thai Immigration office and give you visa advice? And you certainly wouldn’t be staying with me, Sir Franky, no matter what kind of visa you have, so you can get that out of your head for a start. Mind you, if you’re arriving with a topped up credit card in your wallet, I can certainly help you run it through a couple of ATM’s. Of course you can buy a suitable abode, as you put it, but that is the province of the real estate agents, not Agony Aunts. Give me a call after you’ve settled in and the champagne is on ice.

Dear Hillary,
You have probably heard this hundreds of times and may be able to help me in this problem I have. On a trip to Pattaya I fell in love with a most beautiful girl from a bar and against all the advice given by “old hands” I gave her money to set her up in a house, which had to be in her name as it could not be done in mine. I felt we had the makings of a perfect match and she was so attentive to me I could not believe my luck. I had to do everything quickly as I was only here for two weeks. At the first opportunity to return for a quick trip I went to surprise her and found out that she was living in my house with some Swedish guy and had been for some time! Should I ask her to return the money? Or ask him to return the money? I feel totally cheated and I think it will be some time before I fall in love again, especially with a Thai girl.
Charlie the Chump

Dear Charlie the Chump,
You must really stop and take this opportunity to decide just who cheated who, here. You were here for three weeks and bought some girl you did not really know, a house? Is this reasonable behavior? Is this rational behavior? You threw your money away, my Petal. She did not rob you - you robbed yourself. Next time, think twice, or in your case, think two hundred times. Perhaps you might even listen to the old hands too. Sorry, Charlie, but you had it coming.