Dear Hillary,
I’m a pretty easy going bloke and quite happy in my domestic situation, with a good little Thai chick I’ve had for four years. Does everything I want like the cooking (not that she’s not much good at it if it’s not the Isan stuff) and the cleaning and washing and the hand isn’t out too often, but once a month she gets together with her mates and they go out to one of the Thai karaoke places and get sizzled and roll back in at 3 in the morning. They don’t seem to get up to any malarkey but I wonder at times. Do you think I should put my foot down and say no? It eats at me a bit.

Jack

Dear Jack,
There’s a couple of things I think you should keep in mind, Petal. Her outings with the girls is only once a month. If it were every week, that would be a different story. You know who she is going out with, and I would imagine she has a mobile phone (if not two). Talk it through with her and settle on a time for the night to finish and the fact that she has to remain sober if she’s driving home. Shouldn’t be too difficult, but I have to say I don’t like your “chick I’ve had for four years.” Sort of suggests “ownership” and you don’t “own” Thai women. Take away the independence and you have a different picture altogether. I think you should be dividing the chores a bit. You have told me everything she does, but I don’t hear anything Jack does. OK? So don’t let it eat you, let a real partnership grow and everything will be better.

Dear Hillary,
You have often mentioned books that newcomers to Thailand should read and you should add “Falangs in Thailand” to that list. This cartoon book by Mike Baird is based on truth and everyone who laughs at the drawings should also remember that (it is based on truth). The cartoonist must have spent a lot of time watching what goes on in Pattaya, but what he shows is the same for Bangkok, Phuket and Chiang Mai. “Private Dancer” by Stephen Leather is another that anyone who spends time in the bars should read. Stay there long enough and it will happen to you, so be warned. I hope this helps, Hillary. I enjoy your column.

Kevin

Dear Kevin,
Thank you for the information about suitable books, and I have looked at both and do agree with your ideas. Unfortunately, I think many young chaps who come here (and some not so youngs as well) don’t seem to be able to read. Perhaps the cartoon books will be better for them, as long as they realize that Mike Baird is being very satirical. We can only hope, Petal. We can only hope.

Dear Hillary,
An easy one for you this week. My brother is coming over for a holiday to Pattaya and he’s a bit of a wine buff. Me, I’m a beer man, through and through, so I don’t really know where to go as far as some better class wines is concerned. Some suggestions will help, and I’m sure with your taste for French champagne you must know a lot of places.

Charlie (but not ‘cheap’)

Dear (not cheap) Charlie,
That really is an easy task. All of the good restaurants and better hotels put on wine dinners and wine tastings. Look up the Pattaya Mail each week and you’ll soon find them. “Community Happenings” is a good place to start. While writing this, I see there are two wine dinners this week alone. I’m sure your brother will have lots of fun sampling the different wines available in Pattaya, and all the good restaurants have well stocked temperature-controlled wine cellars. Not that I can go there on my salary, but your brother will be impressed at the high standards available here. He can always take me instead of you.

Dear Hillary,
When are you going to collect all your writings and put them into a book? I reckon it would have to be a great hit. I have mates overseas who read you every week, just for the laugh at the poor suckers who write in. I’ll buy the first copy, if you’ll autograph it.

Book Worm

Dear Book Worm,
It is always nice to know that the readers enjoy the column. I have discussed with the editor the idea of putting some of the best letters together, but it is a lot of work, my Book Worm Petal. Maybe that will be something for me to do when I retire (if I don’t die first). I’ll let you know and autograph that first copy just for you. That’s a promise. Of course the first copy will be more expensive than the others, so in true fashion for these parts, there will be around 1,000 “first copies”, just like the third 50 percent shares of many bars that are sold around here! By the way, I would rather your friends laugh at my answers, rather than at the suckers (sorry, readers)!