Pattaya Mail — Columns

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
 
Winebibbers Grapevine
 
Dolf Riks: A brief history of the fragrant clove
 
Heart to Heart with Hillary (Advice column)
 
Thai Idiom: Moo-Hed-Ped-Kai
 
Family Money: Retirement Planning: The Cost of Delay
 
Modern Medicine
 
Health & Nutrition Facts: Heartburn
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Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Singapore Sling
With Pattayans being fined for dropping cigarette ends, spare a thought for luckless Singaporeans in that health and safety conscious city-state. Convictions for relieving yourself in lifts have plummeted after the installation of urine sniffing detectors. Manchester City Council is said to be in negotiation with the manufacturers as a matter of urgency. A spokesman said, "We can’t wait."

Do not pass go
Five Belgians on holiday in Phuket have applied for an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for playing Monopoly underwater for 30 hours. Leon Degrelle, the group expert, said little damage had been done to the environment although there was some argument about the houses on Park Lane that had become lost in the mud. A Guinness observer said there might be a problem with the claim as two players had lost all their money after the first thirty minutes. "Sitting out underwater may be a disqualification," he announced. The Belgians are said to be still holding their breath.

Smokers beware
There was a nasty accident on Pattaya’s Sukhumvit Highway this week after an explosion occurred on a driver’s dashboard and the vehicle cannoned into a lorry. The cause was a cheap 10 baht cigarette lighter which had overheated in the bright sunlight, causing the fuel to explode and the plastic pieces to scatter. The luckless farang is likely to feel a much lighter wallet after the matter has been settled. Bills for hospitals, repairs and lawyers. He’s got the lot.

Bulls and Bears
Turmoil on Thailand’s stock market may have its unexpected side effects. A scientific expert in Bangkok has suggested that the stress created by losing a fortune in a matter of days can cause male sexual impotence. Apparently it is type "Q7" which is extremely difficult to cure in men over 30. Observers are pointing out that the condition is adding new meaning to the expression "market turndown".

Green for go
Road safety experts have pointed out that Grapevine was wrong to claim that the traffic lights at the South Road and Third Road show green for only ten seconds if you are queuing on the bypass. Apparently it is 12 seconds.

Computers out
Education officials in the Kingdom have begun removing computers and sound lab equipment from 200 schools in rural areas. About half of them are in Mae Hong Son province. Apparently, they don’t work properly without electricity.

Walkabout
The new pedestrian precinct on Beach Road seems to be a big improvement. But shopkeepers and nightclubs are now complaining that most people walk in the middle of the road, making eye contact and sales spiel very difficult. Perhaps a change in tactics from shouting, "Come Inside Please" and holding up signs proclaiming "Happy Hour Here" could be considered.

Morality tale
From AFP. A man who refused to have his luggage inspected at Taiwan’s international airport on the grounds it contained a suspected sex toy was imprisoned for twenty years. Authorities found $50,000 worth of marijuana inside his bags.

Holiday news
Two journalists from the magazine Sensation this week reported that they booked into a Mexican hotel which was horrible. The bedrooms were murky, the sheets were dirty, bathrooms had to be shared and there was a general impression that the hotel was related to the whorehouse next door. Eventually, they went down to the desk and asked outright. "Are you connected to the brothel next door?" "Certainly not," the indignant receptionist replied. "This is an entirely separate brothel."

And no smelling salts
Researchers in Bangkok have set up a bad breath clinic. For 2,000 baht, those worried about halitosis and smelly odors can be tested by a revolutionary gas chromatographer which uses a synchronizer and litmus test which turns from green to red in really awful cases. Alternatively, your best friend might sniff you for nothing.

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Dolf Riks: A brief history of the fragrant clove

(Eugenia Aromatica. Fam: Myrtacae.)

In the East of Indonesia, between Sulawesi, Irian (New Guinea), the Philippines and Timor, lays a large Island domain of great natural beauty. Approaching it from the sea, when the weather is right, one sees a magnificent array of islands popping up on the horizon. Some of them are sleeping volcanoes, rising up from the bottom of the sea, which erupted in times long forgotten, but others are active and erupted so recently that people can still remember their fury. Covered with a thick forest they look like what we called at sea, "curly kale" or heads of "broccoli". Some of the islands are big, like Seram, or Halmahera and it takes more than a day to circumnavigate them. Others are mere atolls, simmering in the brilliant sunshine. Magnificent coral reefs surround them and nearing these coral gardens, one may spot where they are, because of the incredible fluorescent emerald green of the water. But with all their splendour, these are a ship’s deadly enemy, as the corals are sharp as knifes. White and black beaches (black because of volcanic ash) are fringed with coconut trees. This South Sea Paradise is called the Moluccas and the islands are the original Spice Islands, home to the nutmeg and mace, as well as to that aromatic flower bud, the clove.

In former articles I have explained how important these spices were and still are, especially for European and Middle Eastern cooking and the motivation they gave in former ages for the long voyages, through uncharted and treacherous waters, to the countries of origin in the mysterious East. These daring expeditions started the age of discovery and the inhuman exploitation of dark skinned peoples all over the world.

The need for spices as flavouring and for medicinal use as well as the quest for gold and the enforcement of religion - mainly by the Spanish in the western hemisphere - was one of the factors directly responsible for the horrors, miseries and indescribable sufferings caused by these endeavours. In last week’s article I described the tragedy of the slaughter and exile of the whole male population of the tiny islands of the Banda archipelago. This was the result of a war which started when the indigenous population refused to comply with the measures their Dutch overlords thought necessary to establish a trade monopoly in nutmeg and mace (the latter is the aril around the nut of the nutmeg fruit, mainly used in soups and sauces).

Photo: One of the home industries in Ambon is the production of "clove ships".

About 120 nautical miles (210 km) WNW from the Banda Islands is another island by the name of Ambon, or formerly Amboina, which became the centre of the clove cultivation and trade, which in turn played an important part in the saga of the clove trade. More to the North, off the west coast of Halmahera, are Ternate and Tidore former strongholds of the Portuguese and the Spanish.

The Portuguese reached the Moluccas in 1511, where they were received with hospitality and goodwill. Before their arrival the Moluccans were already trading cloves and nutmeg with other merchants, like the Javanese and the Chinese and especially the Buginese, as from olden days the carriers of merchandise and passengers in the Indonesian archipelago. The influence of the Portuguese is until this day noticeable, especially in the Indonesian language. Words like "Sekola" for school, "Mantega" for butter, "Sepatu" for shoes and "Kemeja" for blouse or shirt - at the time novelties for the locals - are only the tip of the iceberg of numerous Indonesian words adopted from the Portuguese.

At first the Portuguese were energetic and well disciplined, but by the time the Dutch ships arrived on the horizon (1599) they were complacent, corrupt and in general decline. Because of their banditry, hooliganism and disrespect for local customs and religions, they had made themselves most unpopular with the locals. They had tried their best to establish a spice monopoly, as the Hollanders would succeed to impose later, but they never succeeded.

The goal the Dutch had set for themselves was a strict monopoly of the clove trade. To achieve this they had to fight rampant smuggling of the locals with their old trading partners and a stringent control of the cultivation of the trees was necessary.

Surprisingly, it took the Dutch until 1625, after a fleet of several ships destroyed the clove plantations of the locals on the island of Huwanmohel, to make themselves thoroughly unpopular. So serious became the hatred for the Dutch that in 1635 a general revolt against the harsh measures employed was unavoidable. The population of the islands fled into the mountains and the Hitu, the main adversary, started a guerrilla war which lasted many years. At last their last stronghold was conquered and destroyed in 1646. In due time the Dutch were able to restrict the clove production to the island of Ambon and the Uliasers, East of Ambon. The Dutch found that the resulting harvest was ample to keep the demand for cloves at its peak and the prices sky high.

One of the peculiar features of the Dutch monopoly was that every year expeditions were organised to all the islands under Dutch control. This was done with a fleet of native boats, rowed by employees of the Dutch East India Company. These punitive expeditions were called "Hongi Tochten" or "Hongi" expeditions and wherever illegal cultivation of clove trees were found, or that smuggling had been done, the trees were destroyed and the owners severely punished; even by death and torture.

Another even more serious revolt started in 1650 when the production of the cloves had reached its saturation point. The small growers could not sell their cloves to the Company anymore, but they were also not allowed to sell it to the free market. The result was a deadly hatred and bitterness against the Company and the Dutch overlords. At first the Dutch were oblivious of the dissatisfaction and resentment among the locals until a blind merchant, called Zeeuw, warned them of a brooding revolt. Nobody took much notice of this piece of information and unexpectedly several of the forts and other strongholds of the company were attacked and even conquered.

Suddenly the whole spice trade was in uproar. Natural pirates as they were, the people of the southern areas of Sulawesi, the Macassarese and the Buginese became involved in the turmoil. As usual this war was a complicated web of treachery, intrigue, revenge and senseless bloodshed.

The situation became more stable in the end of the century and the Ambonese, of whom many were recruited into the Dutch army, became devoted to the Dutch crown. They called themselves a province of the Netherlands and fought bravely in subsequent wars in Indonesia and also against the Japanese. In the beginning of the eighteen century an Englishman succeeded to smuggle some saplings of clove trees out of the area and cloves were soon produced all over the world. One of the biggest producers of cloves these days is the island of Zanzibar, off the coast of East Africa, and I recall when we approached it one night, with an off shore wind, the scent of cloves was overpowering.

Cloves in Indonesia are mostly used in the production of cigarettes, the so-called "Roko Kretek", and again the production is monopolised, and well, by the youngest son of president Suharto. History is repeating itself.

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Dear Hillary,
My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. We’ve always had a great marriage, except for the last eight months or so. In the last eight months I have seen my husband’s weight go up. I’ve tried to get him to play golf, tennis, jog or just walk. We also have a pool in our apartment complex, but he doesn’t even want to listen to what I say. I’ve tried suggesting he cut down on beer, red meats, milk, and desserts - but to no avail. We are both too young to have beer bellies.

The biggest problem is that it turns me totally off to sex, and I know that will really effect our marriage. What can I do to prevent this?

Too Young to be Sexless.

Dear Too Young,
There’s an old joke: "everybody talks about me drinking too much, but nobody talks about how thirsty I am". This might also work for your husband. I assume he was slim when you met him and he stayed so for almost four years while you were married. All of a sudden he began to eat and drink too much. This eating disorder could be psychological. Why don’t you stop nagging about him gaining weight for a while and start getting into the true nature of his problem? It might be that he has problems at work, or any other problems he didn’t discuss with you yet. It’s not only women who seek satisfaction in food when disappointed.

Have a nice talk with your husband, explain your feelings to him and show him your concern about his health. Telling him that his beer belly turns you off sex might make the situation worse. Why did you marry him? For sure, because you love him and you swore to stick with him in good and in bad days. Why not also love him in "slim and in fat days" as well? It’s the person you married and not the image.

At the same time, you can also help him by cooking non-fattening food and by not keeping too much in the refrigerator.

Dear Hillary,
I am a Thai citizen who has been working in a small Farang company for over fifteen years. I do translations, all the office work and many times I have to write articles in English language for my boss, who also holds lectures. Two friends of my boss arrived a few weeks ago, both of them committed themselves to work for two years in Thailand. Their wives, both of them having nothing to do since they have housemaids and other servants to do all their work, are very bored. They have offered my boss to work spare time for him at the office - without salary. Good for my boss, but not as good for me. The situation right now is almost unbearable. These women are taking almost all my work away and my boss has already mentioned to me that he probably won’t need me anymore in the near future. He said, my assistant, who gets paid less than me, would be plenty enough to do the work which has to be done in Thai language. Actually he is threatening me with it, every time I want to go home on time without working many extra hours every day, which he is not willing to pay for.

I do understand those women; they have worked in Europe before and they want to continue to do so here, but they don’t seem to understand that they are taking work away from someone who needs it for the simple purpose of surviving. I’ve already thought about talking to them, but until now I haven’t done so. I have always been very devoted and honest to my boss and his company and it hurts me very much that he now, since he has somebody else working for him, can give me up so light-hearted. It is not so easy to find good paying work during the recent economic situation. I am not a young girl anymore and I do live alone and have no husband or children who will be taking care of me. Please suggest something I could do.

Almost Out of Work.

Dear Almost Out of Work,
Your boss seems to be a very "nice" man. He must be one of those who always believe that everything they get for free is better. To a certain amount he might be right, but for how long? These people who are so willing to do voluntarily work will be gone again after a while and what will happen then? He should be aware that he cannot count on non-paid workers all the time. Try to have a meeting with your boss and explain to him that, a) you were always a good and devoted employee, b) it might be dangerous for him to keep some people working for him without a work permit. Talking to these women might not help much - they have a secure life with all the money from their husbands and probably wont understand the plight of people like you.

If it doesn’t work out, and your boss still intends to fire you, he better have a good reason to do so. They have laws in Thailand and I am sure in a case like yours that you could seek the help of the labour department. Why not tell him straight that you would do so if he tries to get rid of you?

In the meantime, secretly try to look for another job. A person who is willing to work and very good at it at, is never too old. Your English is perfect and I am sure you will get some other work, and probably even a better paying job.

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  Thai Idiom: Moo-Hed-Ped-Kai

‘Pig, Mushrooms, Duck, Chicken’

‘What is it, a menu?’

‘Sounds like a fungusy farmyard.’

Moo, Hed, Ped, Kai is an idiom used to refer to food.
If a person meets a neighbour going to market and asks what they are going to buy,
the answer may be Moo, Hed, Ped, Kai. This means the person
is going to buy the basic victuals needed in the household larder.

If you have Moo, Hed, Ped, Kai, your diet is complete.

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  Family Money

Retirement Planning: The Cost of Delay

Last week we looked at how much one particular couple needed for their retirement, and how their savings fell far short of their requirements because they’d forgotten about the effects of inflation.

Now let’s look at the other end of the equation, and see how much someone should be putting away to ensure they will have enough to retire comfortably.

As an example, let’s take the case of Tony.

Tony is coming up to his 40th birthday, and would like to retire when he’s 60. He married young and has used all his spare cash to give his three children an international-class education, so they will get a better start in life than he had. All three are now doing well at University: one in U.K., one in Australia, and one in the U.S.

He now realizes that he’s halfway through his working life, and has made no provision for a pension.

He also realizes that he is likely to live at least until his late 70’s, and is sensible enough to have worked out that he now has only 20 years of his working life left to build enough capital to last for maybe another 20 years or more of retirement.

The question is: How much does he need to save from now until then?

He’s lived in Asia all his working life, and thinks he’ll almost certainly stay here after retirement. He enjoys the climate and lifestyle, and his Thai wife, Mai, feels more comfortable here than "home" in Australia.

The cost of living in Pattaya is comparatively less than many other parts of the world, and Tony feels that he and Mai could live quite comfortably here on US$1,000 a month in today’s money.

Inflation in Thailand has been comparatively high, though, and we agreed that a figure of 10% per annum was probably a wise figure to build into our calculations for the long term.

(If long-term inflation turned out to be less than this, all well and good - they’d have some capital left over. If, on the other hand, real inflation in Thailand over the next 40 years averaged higher than 10%, they’d have to amend their planned lifestyle to have enough to last throughout their lifetime. Similarly, if Tony or Mai lived past 80, they’d also find the coffers running dry towards the end of their lives.)

How much is enough?

Okay - number-crunching time and the moment of truth!

The magic box told us that if he wanted to draw down US$1,000 a month for 20 years, starting in 20 years time, and allowing for inflation at 10% p.a., and assuming we are able to achieve average growth on an offshore investment program of 10% a year throughout both the savings and draw-down period (a not unreasonable figure over 40 years), he’d need accumulated capital at age 60 of over US$1.5 million (actually US$1,545,550) to last for the expected remainder of their lives - i.e., another 20 years.

This was the easy part, but the all-important first step - establishing the goal.

The bad news

The nasty part was telling him how much he’d have to put aside from now until then to build up this capital.

There are various excellent offshore savings plans specifically designed for cases such as Tony’s, and after looking at alternative vehicles I had found one that met all of Tony’s requirements.

Further number-crunching with the computer showed us that he’d have to put US$1,040 a month into this particular plan to meet his target, escalating by 10% each year to keep pace with anticipated inflation.

Tony expects that his income will also keep pace with inflation, so in real terms this annual escalation will make little or no difference to his monthly cash-flow, and will actually make it easier to keep up the contributions.

The good news

The good news is that although he would have contributed a total of US$714,800 into his pension program over the next 20 years, his expected withdrawals over the following 20 years would amount to nearly 6 ½ times what he’d put into the plan - a staggering US$4,623,800. In his 20th year of retirement, for example, he would withdraw US$493,737 - the inflated equivalent in 2037 of only US$12,000 now.

This is the effect of inflation which so many people forget about.

Tony and Mai both agreed this was a very good investment for their future, and will make some sacrifices now to enjoy the benefits later.

"What if I’d started 5 years earlier?"

After we’d taken care of the paperwork and were having a cup of coffee, Tony mused about what difference it would have made if he’d started 5 years earlier - how much less would he have to contribute every month to reach the same target?

A quick bit of number-crunching showed that if he’d started the same plan at age 35, with the same pension-draw-down target of US$1,000 a month in today’s terms for 20 years starting at age 60, he would have had to contribute only US$510 a month at the start, with contributions escalating each year by 10% to keep pace with inflation and expected income.

Just to prove the point, we then looked at what difference it would have made had he left it another 5 years - until he was 45 - before deciding he’d better start a personal pension plan. The answer was that he would have to contribute US$2,190 a month to reach the same goal.

Tony and Mai were both amazed by the difference between these three figures, and commented how glad they were that they were starting it now, because they almost certainly wouldn’t have been able to afford that much every month had they left it another 5 years, and then they wouldn’t have had an adequate pension to retire on comfortably.

Which is exactly my point: The cost of delay can be very expensive...

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write, fax or e-mail Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or e-mail him directly at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

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  Modern Medicine: Cervical cancer

Cervical cancer is one of the most common forms of this dreaded disease. It is found most often is the following high-risk groups:

1. Women who marry young or have their first sexual experience in their teens.

2. Promiscuous women.

3. Women who have taken birth control tablets for over four consecutive years. (Use of a condom or diaphragm lowers the risk of cervical cancer.)

Signs of Cervical Cancer:

1. At first there are no visible symptoms.

2. When the cancer begins to spread, a white discharge or blood may flow from the vagina after sexual intercourse.

3. In the final stages, copious bleeding and discharge will occur, followed by kidney failure.

Those who fail to seek treatment will die within 2-3 years. The cause is usually blocked ureters causing septicaemia.

Some may experience a very painful death, as the cancerous cells attack the nervous system and blood vessels in the bones.

As there are no symptoms in the initial stages, women should have a regular PAP SMEAR. This allows doctors to catch cervical cancer and provide proper treatment. If caught in the initial stages, the cure rate is almost 100%

Women should have PAP SMEARS:

1. Married women of childbearing age.

2. Unmarried women over 25 should be examined once a year.

3. Those in high-risk groups should have 2-3 examinations a year.

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  Health & Nutrition Facts: Heartburn

What causes heartburn? The burning sensation we often refer to as heartburn is really associated with your esophagus. The esophagus is a muscular tube that connects your throat to your stomach. The tube passes behind your breastbone alongside your heart, which is why irritation or inflammation here is known as heartburn. When you swallow food, it travels down the esophagus until a valve at its bottom relaxes to allow food to enter your stomach. Normally, this valve only allows food to move downward. Sometimes the stomach contents, including the acid that is produced in the stomach for digestion, back up or reflux into the esophagus. This can cause a burning sensation in the chest and may be accompanied by difficulty swallowing, nausea, burping, or a bloated feeling. Doctors call this condition gastroesophageal reflux, while most of us know it as heartburn.

Heartburn usually starts slowly about an hour after you have eaten fried, fatty, acidic, or spicy foods. The pain can sometimes be quite intense and may last for a few hours. Heartburn is usually treated with antacids, lifestyle changes (listed below), and, very rarely, surgery.

To reduce burping and bloating, take these steps to reduce the amount of air swallowed: limit foods and beverages containing air, such as whipped cream, soufflés, and carbonated drinks. Don’t smoke, chew gum, suck on hard candy, or drink through straws or narrow-mouthed bottles. Correct loose dentures, and eat and drink slowly.

These are the lifestyle changes often recommended to help prevent or alleviate the symptoms of heartburn:

Avoid spicy, acidic, tomato-based, or fatty foods like chocolate, sausages, fried foods, whole milk, citrus fruits, and fruit juices.

Avoid peppermint and spearmint.

Limit your intake of tea, alcohol, colas, and coffee (even decaffeinated).

Watch your weight. Being overweight increases pressure placed on your stomach, which can aggravate reflux.

Don’t overeat at meal time. Eat smaller portions and eat slowly.

Stop smoking.

Don’t exercise vigorously or bend over too soon after eating. A leisurely walk about 15 to 30 minutes after a meal may help stomach juices to go down, not up.

Avoid tight belts or other restrictive clothing.

Avoid bedtime snacks and eat meals at least 3 to 4 hours before lying down.

Elevate the head of your bed about 4 to 6 inches with blocks.

See your doctor if you are taking antacids three or more times a week or if antacids are not helping your symptoms.

Women in their last three months of pregnancy may also experience heartburn. This happens as the baby puts pressure on the digestive organs. Pregnant women should consult their doctors before taking antacids or any medication.

Readers may write Laura care of the Pattaya Mail with questions or special topics they would like to see addressed.

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