Dear Hillary,
I have to laugh at all your letter writers, wondering if they have found THE ONE, when they should start looking at themselves to see if they would be THE ONE for any of the women around here. I’m not talking about the girls from the bars, who are only there for one thing - money, while the blokes are also there for one thing - sex. They’ll never find the right one there. I’m talking about the ones you call “good girls”, and these blokes aren’t even looking in the right place, and I reckon no self respecting girl would want to be seen with some fat old bloke with a skinful of booze every night. You try telling ‘em, Hillary, I’ve given up. They’ve got no (expletive removed) idea.
Al the Advisor

Dear Al,
I understand where you’re coming from Petal, but if you want to be an advisor you’ve got to do more than throwing a bucket of manure over the people wanting advice. Once the average chap understands what the bars are for, and what the girls who work in the bars are there for, then you’re about half way there to finding someone who might be THE ONE and obviously not from the bar scene. The bars are for fun, not for evers. You are correct when you say that the chaps looking for a partner have to present themselves in a good way as well. No Thai lady is looking for the kind of farang you describe. Finding THE ONE is difficult in any society, in any country, and is no different here. Just keep on showing those who ask of you where they shouldn’t look, and you’ve done your bit, Al.

Dear Hillary,
We have been here for six months and I suppose we are considered very well off. I have a problem though, and I don’t know if it is related to the fact that we have money. I have an increasing attraction for our new young maid. She is very beautiful and charming and appears to be interested in me too. We have not spoken about this, but I will hold her hand when we are in the street and she does not pull away. I know my husband would not approve of this so I have not said anything to him either. Should I tell him? Should I tell her? I am unsure of what to do.
Billie Jean

Dear Billie Jean,
You are certainly new here, aren’t you, Petal. Holding hands with another woman is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior here in Thailand. It does not indicate a romantic relationship beyond a simple friendship, and certainly not the one you are implying. What you should do is sit down and think about why you are looking to have any sort of an ‘affair’. Has the relationship with your husband lost its sparkle? Start holding his hand, instead of the maid’s.

Dear Hillary,
I used to be very friendly with a girl in a local caf้ and often used to just pop in for a coffee and to say hello, as her English was not very good, though I thought I could probably teach her. About three months ago she disappeared and the new waitress could not tell me where she had gone. I bumped into her in the street the other day and I asked her where she had been. Her English was so much better, that I decided to ask her out for dinner. She told me she couldn’t go as she was working in a bar, but I could see her there. I was just so disappointed. How could a sweet young girl from a restaurant turn into yet another bar girl? I still like her a lot. Should I try to get her to leave?
Wally

Dear Wally,
In a word, No! There’s an old saying - You can take a girl out of a bar but you can’t take the bar out of the girl! If that’s what your sweet young thing wants to do, you have to accept it. She has her reasons for working there, and they are probably financial. You do not need to start a relationship based on financial need and your presumed ability to supply the cash to cover that need. Beware, young Wally. Beware!

Dear Hillary,
I am a 61 year old expat who has recently been visiting Thailand. I am currently having a house built in Pattaya. I have taken up with a 21 year old bargirl. I think she is into leather and bondage because when she saw my wallet she wanted to get tied to it. What do you think are the chances of a long term relationship?
Mark. D. Sade

Dear Mark,
How long? Depends on how long you keep your wallet filled, Petal. You could also try keeping your money in a sock, rather than a leather wallet if you think leather’s the attraction.