pattayamail.gif (2145 bytes)

News
Business News
Features
Columns
Letters
Sports

Happenings
Classifieds
Backissues
Index

 Advertising
Subscribe

   FEATURES

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
Pattaya welcomes the year of the Golden Dragon

ASEAN and the ‘image’ thing

Thought for the week: Competence - what is it and why bother?

PILC elects new board for 2000

Rotarians shown how to make a mint!

Valentine’s: The Day of Wine and Roses

Pattaya Person of the Millennium Alois (Louis) X. Fassbind

Why Bother!

Pattaya welcomes the year of the Goldren Dragon

But New Year’s Eve in China is a special celebration for families. Large family dinners are the order of the night and vacant chairs are put out for absent members so they are not forgotten. At midnight following the banquet, the younger members of the family would bow and pay their respects to their parents and elders.

Reunions, visits to friends and relatives are all part of the celebration extending into the first week of the new year. Little red envelopes are given to the children with “good luck” money inside.

Another New Year custom which is uniquely Chinese is that on the seventh day, everyone is considered to be a year older, called in Chinese, “Everyone’s Birthday”!

So where do the lions come in? Well, the lions have been around for over 2000 years, with the dances first being celebrated in the Han Dynasty (205 BC to 220 AD). During the Tang Dynasty (716-907 AD) it was at its peak, despite what you thought last Saturday night when Pattaya seemed full of noisy, large, dancing lions!

Lion dancing is not just for New Year, however, and may be done for the opening of restaurants and businesses, birthdays and other celebrations. But the history of lion dancing is involved with an annual event. Eons ago, a rather ferocious beast called the “nian” (which is also the Chinese word for “year”) was terrifying villagers and the local people asked the lion to chase it away, which it did. However, one year later the “nian” returned and the lion was unavailable for “nian” scaring duties, so the villagers made a bamboo and cloth lion, with two men underneath it. They shook and pranced, threatened and roared and it worked. The “nian” ran away again (for another year). So from there, we get the lion dancing of today.

Even lion dancing, however, has its own keenly observed rituals, and the drummer, cymbals and gong all have their place, as does the “Little Buddha” who goads and taunts the lion during the dance.

No, when you look a little deeper, there is much more to Chinese New Year than a lion or two. We at the Pattaya Mail are glad to have “Guonian” (made it through the old year) and are happy to “Bainian” (welcome in the new). Kung Hei Fat Choy to you all!

Chinese horoscope for the Year of the Golden Dragon: “A magnificent year after the recuperative year of the Rabbit lies ahead with all sorts of grandiose, exhilarating, colossal, over-ambitious and daring projects. The indomitable spirit of the Dragon will inflate everything to larger than life size and everyone will be bubbling with excess energy. Yet it will be wise not to over estimate potential in this combustible year, for things appear better than they actually are. Business will be good and money can be generated or obtained easily. Now it’s the time to ask the bank for a loan. Big spending and lavish plans are the rule of the day. The mighty Dragon sneers at the prudent and penny-pinching. He gambles for all or nothing. He will stimulate to think and act big, even overstepping the bounds of caution. Orientals consider this to be an auspicious year to get married, have children, or start a new business, as the benevolent Dragon brings good fortune and happiness. However, this is also a time to temper our enthusiasm and look twice before taking a plunge. For although the lucky Dragon showers his blessing indiscriminately on all, he disappears when the time comes for making retributions for errors. Success as well as failure will thus be magnified. In the Dragon’s year, fortunes as well as disaster will come in massive waves. This is a year marked by a lot of surprises and violent acts of nature. Tempers will flare the world over and everyone will be staging some real or imaginary revolt against constrictions. The electric atmosphere created by the mighty Dragon will affect one and all.”
Back to Features Headline Index

ASEAN and the ‘image’ thing

From Imiaz Muqbil, Executive Editor, Travel Impact Newslatter

To one degree or another, all ten member countries of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) have an ‘image’ problem. While some have a bad image, others have no image, but both can be equally serious in the highly image-conscious tourism industry. What potential visitors think and feel - based entirely upon what they read and view - about a country can make or break a tourism industry.

Thus, it was no surprise that ASEAN tourism ministers, national tourism organisation chiefs and their spin-doctors spent much time at the January 20-26 ASEAN Tourism Forum in Bangkok trying to either fix their country’s image, re-write it or create a new one. Indeed, the first item on the official programme of the ATF2000 was a communicators forum for the spin-doctors of each national tourism organisation. That was followed by the ASEAN heads of NTOs meeting at which the prime decision was a plan to strengthen the ASEAN ‘brand’ image. Next came the ASEAN tourism ministers who agreed to start swapping information on unsavoury social problems like pedophilia which are among the things that create a bad image in the first place.

Indeed, it became clear during the course of the ATF that all the ASEAN countries have something to consider: Indonesia is trying to recover from the Christian-Muslim riots; Singapore to create an image of a lively place with lots of things to do and see; Malaysia an image of a multi-racial country where all live in peace and harmony; the Philippines a place to be ‘Rediscovered’ regardless of hurricanes, sinking ferries and a half-operating airline; Burma, business as usual under a military dictatorship that tolerates no dissent; Brunei an ecotourism destination with an amusement park; and Cambodia, a crime-free haven and home to Angkor Wat. Laos and Vietnam are sort of lucky; they have no image to speak of. As for Thailand, it has reworked its erstwhile males-only image to promote its health and ecotourism attractions and now faces the ticklish problem of actually living up to that image.

Image building is an expensive and exhausting exercise. Many ASEAN countries have spent small fortunes over the years only to discover that images can be wrecked faster than NTOs can say Leo Burnett.

One big problem confronting ASEAN spin-doctors is what to do about it, especially in the age of global media when TV images can flash instantly worldwide. Perhaps more than any other, the Travel & Tourism industry is most sensitive to problems related to safety, security and sanitation. This includes political or religious riots, plane crashes, environmental disasters, health problems (like the mad-cow disease, AIDS or the coxsackie virus) and crime - precisely the stories that make the media salivate.

In Indonesia, they are trying another strategy - the seeing is believing approach. The Indonesian industry is stepping up its media familiarisation trips to bring more journos so that they can “see the reality for themselves”. True, TV images only provide a fleeting microcosm of reality and are not representative of business as usual in the rest of the country - the part which does not make news. This is what the Indonesians are hoping the visiting journos will tell their readers as editorial copy, not advertorial.

It was partly to learn how to manage the media marauders that the ASEAN communicators group organised a half-day workshop ahead of the main ATF programme. The speakers line-up included PATA’s communications director Lyn Hikida and IATA’s Asia-Pacific spokesman Tony Concil.

Ms Hikida told the delegates that in an age of instant communications, the NTOs had access to the same Internet tools that the media does. Learning how to use the Internet for distribution of public information is an art waiting to be mastered, she said, unveiling a series of tips on how to do just that.

For his part, Concil was more forthright. He gave ASEAN delegates a powerful reality check, noting that those who think they can ‘manage’ the media in times of crisis have another think coming. “You can’t,” he said, “But you CAN work with them. Companies and countries which communicate effectively during a crisis may emerge with new credibility and respect.”

One group of people listening intently to these presentations were the Burmese. They, too, feel short-changed by the media, except that the Burmese military junta, unlike the Indonesians, is unlikely to explain it as being part of the pangs of a transition to democracy. This leaves the Burmese tourism authorities in a difficult position; they cannot deny the media reports and yet have to be very careful how they dress up the reality. At least they are getting their views across; at both the International Travel Asia show in Hong Kong last year and at the ATF2000, the Burmese Ministry of Hotels and Tourism did give press conferences and take questions, a far cry from the previous flee-the-scene policy.

While addressing their own individual image is one thing, the wider problem is that ASEAN, the grouping they are all part of, today has virtually no image, at least not in tourism. However, now that economies are recovering and the ASEAN secretariat structure is in place with a specific desk in charge of tourism, the task of rebuilding the ASEAN image has begun. The original plan was to mark the grouping’s 35th anniversary in 2002 with a Visit ASEAN Millennium Year. The plan fell apart when Burma hummed and hawed about paying the US$261,000 each of the 10 countries were being asked to shell out. Other countries like Laos and Cambodia, too, expressed some reservations, noting that they get only a few hundred thousand visitors a year while the Thais and Singaporeans get millions. They suggested a pro-rata payment structure, which did not go down too well with the Thais.

Advertising reps who had been drooling at the prospects of picking up some of the US$2.61 million cried buckets when the plan fell apart and was replaced with a more modest no-budget target: Creating an ASEAN brand by using the tagline “Visit ASEAN” as a sub-brand in all tourism literature produced by NTOs, including collaterals, advertising, brochures, etc. Designing the logo is to be assigned to an ad or design agency. Airlines and the ASEAN private sector are to be asked to join in and use the tagline, too. The ASEAN NTOs estimate that as they alone spend about US$50 million on marketing, the new theme and logo should have quite an impact.

While it may build a tourism/cultural image for a grouping that has long been known as a political/economic entity, it may also backfire. For all the talk of ASEAN solidarity and the spirit of co-operation, the ASEAN countries are vigorous competitors and actually benefit from each other’s problems. It may not be in the best interests of say the Thais to be seen to be part of the same grouping as another country facing social, political or religious problems. When all is hunky-dory and a rising tide is lifting all boats, a single image may prove advantageous. But when the tide recedes, it quickly becomes each man for himself, as the recent economic crisis proved. ASEAN waters are still unsettled, and the single image the tourism ministers may want to create in the travel pages may still be obfuscated by the reality on the front pages.

Back to Features Headline Index

Thought for the week

Competence - what is it and why bother?

by Richard Townsend, Corporate Learning Consultant
http://www.orglearn.org

Competence is the ability (knowledge and skills) of an individual to complete a specific task at hand. In other words the critical issue for effective functioning is how well the person can fulfil their role, or the SPECIFIC duties that make up their role. Many companies are looking for more competent staff; however, they have difficulty in coming to grips with how to hire, develop or even promote the correct people into the areas requiring particular competencies. The old adage ‘promoted to the level of their own incompetence’ is still the norm for many companies.

Competence Modelling is one way to overcome the problem. A model can be developed as a diagrammatic representation of the generic or core competencies required for the company to create the ‘ideal employee’ or ideal set of employees. This can be done either company wide or by function or position. There are many methods that can be used to find the optimum competence level and mix, from a simple review of job descriptions to a full study of the nature of each role in the company. Total department or team competencies required can also be studied to ensure that projects can be completed effectively. The most effective strategy to find out what is needed seems to be a combination of ‘critical events interviews’ and a ‘360-degree analysis’... boss, colleagues, reporting staff and customers (internal and external where possible).

A basic model can be a simple triangle with business competence on one side, human relations competence on another and technical competence on the third. Once a generic model is developed and requirements agreed, a process of making the competencies more specific can be undertaken. When skills and knowledge required for each role or group are known, a gap analysis can be completed to uncover deficiencies. This allows for sensibly planned job rotations, correct selection of external or on job training, more effective employment interviews, better succession planning and of course effective promotion of staff to fill the competence gap.

A system of Personal Development Discussions (once or twice a year) can also implemented so that staff know what is required of them and managers can be ‘forced’ to address the real issues of developing competent staff, teams and departments. Competence development can also be made a ‘hard target’ or ‘key responsibility area’ and can be included as a measurable in all managers’ annual performance appraisals. Takes time, effort and money... and needs to be driven from the top and then cascaded down through the line management (with HR support), but it works well.

Worth more than a thought!

Back to Features Headline Index

PILC elects new board for 2000

The Pattaya International Ladies Club held their Annual General Meeting on February 1st, to give reports to the members about their activities and financial situation for the past year and to elect the new board.

The President for 1999, Carol Smith, thanked the members for their never-ending support and help during her year as president and expressed her gratitude to her board as well.

Pattaya International Ladies Club’s new board for the Year 2000.

Then, the new board members introduced themselves to the audience and asked for their support in the coming year, to be able to carry on the same way and in the same spirit as the board before.

The new president and board are: Ffion Mercer, president. Ginster Votteler, vice president. The Secretary’s post went to Tanya Brewer and the Treasurer is Julie Garratt. Membership is in the hands of Margaret Evans, while Janine Aeronouts will take care of the activities, assisted by Denise Danforth. Judi Clausen will be in charge of the newsletter and former president Carol Smith took over welfare. Katrina Hester, assisted by Brenda Varnado, is taking care of hospitality and Arlette Cykman is, again, in charge of special events.

Panga Vathanakul, Managing Director of the Royal Cliff Beach Resort, was the special guest speaker of the event. Panga congratulated the new president and her board and then gave a very interesting speech about the history of “The Cliff” and the new projects they have done and will be doing in the future.

Back to Features Headline Index

Rotarians shown how to make a mint!

The members of the Jomtien-Pattaya Rotary Club were shown how to make a mint of money last week at their regular Wednesday evening meeting at the Royal Cliff Grand.

Numismatist Jan Olav Aamlid addressed the Rotary Club of Jomtien-Pattaya.

World renowned coin collector and Rotarian Jan Olav Aamlid brought a very small fraction of his collection to the meeting and in conjunction with an audio-visual presentation, took the members through the process of minting.

He showed examples of some of the first minted Thai coins, which were actually modelled on the English farthing. Even getting minting presses to this country in those middle 1800s was a problem, with both the British engineers who had been sent to install the machine succumbing to ailments before being able to commission the mint. The King of Thailand asked for volunteers to assemble and set up the press and the man who finally managed this task became the Head of the Thai Mint until his death.

With money being close to everyone’s heart, the assembled Rotarians and guests were soon seen checking their pockets to see if there was a coin of untold worth lurking in the small change. Jan Olav said that he was willing to buy as many one baht coins as they brought to him for 50 satang each!

However, even skilled numismatists such as he get caught out occasionally, Jan Olav relating how he sold a coin for what he thought was a premium $10,000 only to see it change hands for $100,000 two years later!

To see what coins are all about, consult the Pattaya Mail’s coin column, or call in and see Jan Olav at the House of the Golden Coin on Pattaya Tai, almost opposite the International Telephone Exchange.

Back to Features Headline Index

Valentine’s: The Day of Wine and Roses

by Peter Cummins

So what is it all about, this Valentine’s Day business? A business it certainly is. Millions of tonnes of chocolate (the most popular gift in the rituals surrounding the day), red roses by the truck-load, rivers of champagne and wine, pages of cryptic (and some not-so-cryptic) love messages in the world’s press and enough Valentine’s Day cards to cover Monaco, are disbursed world-wide, in the name of love on the 14th of February every year.

The original story hovers somewhere between history, mythology and gallantry in acting out the legend that some historians claim originated in ancient Rome. This took the form of a “lottery” whereby young maidens dropped written messages into an urn in the public square and the young man who drew out that particular note courted his future bride until marriage the next year.

This somewhat jaundiced Pattaya Mail correspondent sees a lot of similar applications between the ancient Roman style of wife selection and today’s which, after all, is basically a lottery: one is never sure whether one wins a prize or not, and the cost of the “ticket” is horrendous. Or, as one of my equally-jaundiced friends remarked: “when I married, I thought my wife was ‘one in a million’; it was not too long when I realized that she was, rather, ‘won in a raffle’!”

But, back to the legend of St. Valentine. There have been several throughout history. One of the most revered of them, Valentinus, was beheaded on February the 14th 269 AD on Via Flaminia, outside Rome, the date corresponding to the pagan love festival, the Feast of Lupercalia. Dedicated to Pan, the god of fertility and Juno, protector of virgins and the goddess of marriage, Lupercalia’s day corresponded to the Spring mating rites of several species of birds in mid-February.

While languishing in jail for a year before his summary execution under the orders of Emperor Claudius II, the story goes that Valentine became enamoured of his jailer’s blind daughter and, on the eve of his death, sent her a farewell message signed “From your Valentine.”

No doubt the introduction of a postal service in the Eighteenth Century greatly enhanced the burgeoning Valentine’s Day card industry. Billions of cards are exchanged nowadays, across the village square to the extremities of the earth around the 14th of February each year.

One major effect that posting had was that it replaced, to a large extent, the personal hand-delivery and the sometimes embarrassing lack of reciprocity on the part of the receiver. On the other hand, a hilarious contrary development was that a spurned lover not only did not have to suffer a ‘loss of face’, but in many instances, was able to retaliate, via post, with a sometimes vicious retort.

One tradition practiced during Victorian England was that the first bachelor an unmarried lady met on Valentine’s Day would become her husband. One historian recounted the verse she would quote to the unfortunate fellow: “Good morrow, Valentine, I go today/ To wear for you what you must pay/ A pair of gloves next Easter Day.” Thus, the predator found her prey and he, dutifully, showed up on Easter morning - with the gloves.

Apart from the Valentine encounters, a suitor in those days would send gloves to his paramour as a marriage proposal and a PAIR of gloves was a regarded as a symbol of the purity of the wearer. (I wonder why, then, Michael Jackson wears only ONE glove?)

One can only imagine the myriad tricks these ladies would employ to capture the hapless male on those Valentine’s Days long ago! It would appear that not much has changed through the years - only the techniques, perhaps!

The press, on this day, is packed with messages of love, ranging from downright goofy sentimentality to something a little more commercial. An old Victorian-era card bore this charming inscription: “May love your footsteps sweetly tend/ And guide you ever, dearest friend.”

A more recent card from Marilyn Monroe to an anonymous suitor read: “My heart belongs to daddy, but I love you tonight.” Then, as one correspondent phrased it some years ago, “For every ten maidens insisting that it is the charm and the many other attributes of her beau which overwhelm her, there is at least one who has a beady eye on his pocket, exemplified in this message, culled from the press: “Be an angel, Valentine Honey/ Skip the card, just send me money!”

Valentine’s Day, indeed, means many things to many people. Some even associate it with the “Valentine’s Day massacre” during the Prohibition Era of the ’30s when Al Capone and his lads reacted rather strongly to some criticism from a rival gang in Chicago.

Regardless, Valentine’s Day, in spite of the rather gruesome event long ago which seems to have started it all, will be around forever, as a celebration of love. Or, to paraphrase one of J.K. Robert England’s lines from long ago, then, Valentine’s Day is not a day to “commemorate a massacre” but rather, a day to “venerate mascara”.

Finally, it would have to be the beautiful story of Romeo and Juliet which represents the apogee of romantic love. But, even here, I found a wonderful twist. It just happened that there is an Italian restaurant in Sydney called “Da Romeo”. It also just happens that his ‘amore’ is called Juliet who adores her Romeo and absolutely worships his food which she wolfs down at every chance. “Mama mia”, wails Romeo, “she’s a wonderful lady but she is so expensive to feed.” This prompts the obvious remark: “Romeowed what Julieate”.

Have a happy Valentine’s Day.

Back to Features Headline Index

Pattaya Person of the Millennium Alois (Louis) X. Fassbind

Regular readers of the Pattaya Mail will know that recently we ran a competition for the most significant Pattaya Person of the Millennium. From the host of nominations we received at the Editorial Office, three names were dominant. Sophin Thappajug, Alois X. Fassbind and Fr. Raymond Brennan. We are profiling all three. Last week it was Sophin Thappajug and this week it is the late Louis Fassbind’s turn.

Alois (Louis) X. Fassbind

How do you write about a man whose passing brought forth obituaries in every publication in Thailand? A man whose passing brought hundreds to his funeral. A man whose passing caused tears to flow all over the world. A man who is remembered by thousands of people from all walks of life, and a man whose spirit is burned indelibly into the history of this city.

Louis Fassbind was called “Mr. Pattaya”. You do not get a name like this by doing nothing. Louis Fassbind believed so much in Pattaya that he promoted it as a tourist destination for over 25 years.

Louis Fassbind as most people remember him - jovial and benevolent - shown here at the Fassbind Medical Home within the Banglamung Old Peoples Home.

Certainly he was the Executive Vice-President of the Royal Cliff Beach Resort and had engineered the resort’s incredible growth in that time. But he did more than that. He was instrumental in so many Pattaya projects that his name became synonymous with the city itself. “Mr. Pattaya” was everywhere. When there was a problem that no-one seemed to know how to get over, he would say, “Let me handle it.” And he did, moving mountains when necessary. Using overseas friends if required. But he would accomplish the task, not for himself, but for Pattaya.

He was in service clubs like Rotary, he was in the Hospitality and Tourism organisations both local and overseas, he was a tireless representative for Pattaya. He earned the name “Mr. Pattaya”, he did not assume it for himself.

But there was another side of this man. A side that understood the problems associated with aging. A side that made him attempt to alleviate some of that pain. The Fassbind Medical Home within the Banglamung Old Peoples Home was his project. One that many people did not know that he financed himself. A project that was so dear to his heart that he even made provision for it in his will. No, the elderly will never forget their benefactor, Louis Fassbind.

And neither has the rest of Pattaya. This was shown by the hundreds of votes that came in for Louis Fassbind. He would have been flattered. Louis Fassbind has been judged by you, the people of Pattaya, to be one of the most influential people of Pattaya’s millennium.

He took the title of “Mr. Pattaya” with him when he died. It is unlikely that anyone in the future will wrest that away from his memory. RIP Alois X. Fassbind. You are not forgotten.

Back to Features Headline Index

Why Bother!

by The Urban Peasant

The Urban Peasant took a trip with her potentially prospective and most probably likely to maybe be her ex and her two children to Hong Kong and filed this report.

I have been asked to go to Hong Kong many times but I always said no, that if I wanted to see Hong Kong I would have gone to Yaowarat, a Chinatown in Bangkok. Same people, same atmosphere, same wokking street.

Anyhow, this time it was different; the airline seats were booked and plans were made, and I found out about it just a day before the trip. It was like, “if you want to go just get your ... over.” So who could turn down that kind of invitation, right? It was too romantic to pass.

The flight was one of the North American airlines bound for Hong Kong and Canada. I just wished I was just passing over Hong Kong to Canada, but I’m sure the immigration would not answer that wish of mine.

As we walked along the aircraft isle to find our seats, a beautiful hundred-year-old (or so it seemed) female cabin attendant who had a beautiful figure of 43-38-45 approached from the opposite end and said to my son, “Get into the side there!” (you creep!)

My son looked at me in astonishment of her manners, but we didn’t say anything for fear of being judoed and karated by her.

We got our seats and buckled up like good children should. Didn’t want to get into any trouble with Mrs. Stew.

Before take off, the stew walked along the isle one more time to find a victim of her menopausal syndrome, and she almost found one when she came to a seat in front of us that had a Chinese shrine miniature on it strapped by the seatbelt.

Uh oh... she looked at my son again. “Who put this thing here!”

My son’s jaw dropped and he shook his head with fright.

The godmother stew looked around and could not find an easy prey so she shrieked to a poor male stew from the end of the isle, “Bill!”

Bill with a big belly walked up to her and explained that the shrine could not fit into the overhead compartment. From her look I can tell that Bill was going to be eaten alive as he tried to put the thing into the compartment again to prove it to her. Finally Belly Bill still had to remove the thing from the seat and take it up to the front part of the plane to store somewhere else. I could only imagine it would be the dashboard in the pilot’s cockpit. A good object for pilot to pray to if he decides to call it quits and bring the plane down to the ground, nose first.

Anyway the plane took off smoothly, and shortly after all the “behave yourself” signs went off, there was an announcement in English, then in Thai. “Ladies and Gentlemen, for the saving money class (translated from the word economy class, I wondered why they didn’t say “Cheap Charlie Class”), in a little while we will serve you with drinks and food. The menu today is egg, noodle, egg, noodle.”

Wow, four choices; made us feel like we were in the “We are so damn rich we throw money away for nothing class.”

Food came and went, the rest enjoyed what they had in tiny Tupperware dishes (my Chihuahua’s dish at home is bigger). After all how can you complain, we were in the “money saving class”.

The flight was fine and the plane landed safely (of course, or would I be here writing this?)

It was a new airport that has nothing for you to shop, which was to my son’s disappointment. He asked me why we were the only group in that terminal, I told him that they have a separate terminal for each flight. He looked at me, surprised, but believed that his mother knew everything. I gave him an “are you nuts?” look.

We reached the escalator and all the crowd went up there in one swoosh. Then they all swooshed onto the sub train and the train swooshed us to another terminal. The crowd got out in one swoosh and got on another escalator in another quick swoosh. I wondered if all that swooshing had something to do with shopping in Hong Kong.

All of us passed the customs control without any problem, except my poor 13-year-old son. His bag was thoroughly searched for weapons. And all he had was some clean underwear, which was to the disappointment of the officials.

“I told you to cut your hair and not look like a terrorist,” I told him.

He looked at me, “But...mom...”

We were then shuttled to the hotel in Kowloon. Well I must say that the hotel was nice. It was located next to a harbor. Unfortunately, our rooms faced the street, so when we open the curtains we faced an office building three meters away, with windows opened exposing office workers typing away on their chat system.

We were there during Christmas and all the streets were packed with people, like canned sardines. I think even the sardines had more space.

We went on a day tour the following day and had a Thai guide on our bus. According to her, Hong Kong people’s major activities are eating and dressing up, as they don’t know what else to do in their tiny apartment homes. And we were lucky to have graced their winter, too, as it was the coldest week in 25 years that Christmas ’99 in Hong Kong. The temp came down to a long sleeved pullover, a vest, a shawl and a jacket-degree Fahrenheit.

See, I even got some facts for you, so you’ll know this is not just a junk article filled with nonsense so I get more pay by throwing in more words. (By the way, this is a hint to my boss)

She also told us that once you are in Hong Kong, you should not try to convert your money too much on the calculator, or you’ll feel that things are expensive. Just eat and spend and enjoy the trip. In other words, we should spend at places she wanted to take us, where she may get some “tea” money, like a jewelry factory and Christmas rip off dinners on boats.

The jewelry factory was not too bad, as they offered some hot coffee. That was a big plus, helped to make the gold chains glow. I looked around and made some comments on the diamonds, that this one was Tiffany and that one was Cartier design. Big mistake. Then they thought I knew something about jewelry so I should be an easy prey, so the whole darn factory followed me all around. They radioed every counter I was heading. From that moment on I had to walk like Elizabeth Tailor as all employees’ eyes were on me. Eventually I swooshed into a restroom and got out through the back door.

Other stops were mainly sightseeing. We went up to the hill to see what Hong Kong looked like, well, how should I put it, it looked like...uh... Hong Kong, just the way it would on a postcard, which was cheaper than actually going there.

Then we went to see Chinese shrines. There were all kinds of holy statues for people to go and pay respect. If you want a safe journey, go to this one, if you want to be rich, pray to that one, and if you want to have babies go to this one and rub on the tummy of this Goddess. Rub to the right if you want a boy and to the left if you want a girl.

Poor Goddess. The side of the tummy that was worn and torn was the right side. They all wanted boys. As you know Chinese people believe that boys bring good luck and money to the family while girls eventually leave home to be with their in-laws and are considered a burden and a minus to the family. Moreover, they are said to be like front door toilets. That is whatever they do wrong will send smell to the surrounding neighbors.

I think this is a serious disgrace to the girls’ reputation, especially the ones in the last year of the old millennium like this one. We girls have always worked hard, some of us anyway. Pointing finger-Madams not included. In the old days girls did everything in the house and in their farms. In modern days, girls also work outside homes to earn money to help support their children, and more often than not, their lazy spouses.

When I die, if someone wants to built a monument for me for some of my good deeds (try to find one, will ya!), the instruction will be that if you want to have a girl, just shake my hand on either side, but if you want to have a boy, kiss my foot, and the foot will automatically bounce back and kick you in the face. It’s a sacred kick, and will bring good luck. Trust me on this.

The rest of the day-tour was ok; we did something unusual, like drove into the under sea tunnel. Experience of a tunnel time. Then we got stuck in the Hong Kong traffic. Wow...a foreign traffic jam.

The following day we went up to the Ocean Park on Hong Kong Island. I must say that it was the best tour of the whole trip. Ocean Park is a natural park combined with amusement park on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Going up on the ballooned type of hanging cables was thrilling and breathtakingly beautiful. We went into a Motion Master hall, you know the type of the 3-D movie where actually only your chair would rock and fly around. I didn’t enjoy the movie or the ride, fortunately it was short. Had it gone on for another 1 minute I would have thrown up right there...and with my chair flying around like that, lord knows where the things from my tummy would have landed. The roller coaster was another thrill, as it was the first time in my life to be fooled into going up there, as you see I had enough thrills in my life before now. It was a great ride - I closed my eyes 70% of the time. I had to pass the rest of the Viking swings and all the fling around in circle stuff.

We did a lot of walking there, but the weather was so nice and cool that we almost didn’t feel tired. Almost.

At night we just strolled along the streets and the endless shopping malls. People were everywhere on the streets. It seemed everybody in the country was shopping.

They say the food is good in Hong Kong, and plenty of it, too. Yea right. All the restaurants were over-filled. Not that food was cheap, but people just didn’t want to eat at home. Their moms were busy following up the NASDAQ Index.

We finally decided to go to a fast food hall, a big place like that should have some tables and chairs for us for sure. Right? Wrong. All tables and chairs were more than occupied. People were standing at each table, staring at the diners, waiting for them to finish so they could have their turns. It was like the eaters were in the middle of a Gestapo questioning with a spot light on them. I’m sure they got either diarrhea or constipation when they got back home.

We sort of gave up on the musical chair thing but thought we should look around and see what kind of food they had to offer anyway. My daughter went near one food stall and suddenly she got startled when a shrieking voice came up over a loud speaker, and it went like this “^%$#@#$%^ &*(*&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$ #@!!!!!!!!!!”

It sounded worse than four letter words repeated 8 times. Daughter said, “mom let’s get out of here, I think they are cussing us.” I told her to relax, that the lady was probably saying, “Whoever ordered this stupid duck in a soy sauce to be eaten with chopsticks better get your ... over and take it quick, or you’ll be Kung Fued and hit with a wok on your head.”

After we somehow finally got something to eat, we went back on the streets again for some shopping. We had to hold hands or we would lose one another in blink of an eye. One blink and my son would be gone, another blink and daughter would disappear. I hate to think what would happen if I blink both eyes. I would have to report a lost person to the police, and it would go like this: “!@#$%^&*()(*&^% $$#@#$$%^^&*(*&^% $$#@@??????”

All of sudden I realized how much a foreigner coming to Thailand has to go through with language problems. I’m sure we, too, sound like that to them, but of course with smaller prints and softer sounds, and with a smile, even though it’s a dumb one.

Then we went window shopping for some clothes. Daughter wanted to buy a brand name jacket. After all we were in Hong Kong, it should be cheap and nice. There were a lot of winter clothes on sale at that time. Great prices. From 235,458,411,452,225 Hong Kong dollars down to 522,575,412,212. Or so it seemed.

After marathon walking for three nights, we gave up. I would have reached Tibet on foot with that much walking. We decided we could get everything we don’t need in Thailand.

On the last day, son and his dad decided to at least get a video camera. We reckoned that going to Hong Kong and not getting ripped off at all is not very fashionable. After all we had to have stories to tell our friends how we were cheated. Everybody likes to hear those kind of stories, makes them feel they can do better.

So we walked into the first audio-video shop. Without any homework done beforehand, all we knew was there was a camera called Sony 330. The rest was in God’s hands. The salesman said sure...just wait 30 min and he would get it from his warehouse. Meanwhile, he showed us how terrible that model worked and tried to sell us JVC, showing us how the lighting is better with a lot more functions. Kids were impressed. Potentially-to-be-a-likely-prospective-ex was not. He was loyal to the information he got about Sony. The salesman was loyal to his wallet. Set the prize at 700 dollars and went down 50 dollars each time we tried to get out of the store, and each time he said it was his last price. He went down to 400 before we actually left.

Second store was more or less with the same trick. When we finally gave in for JVC, he made us wait and tried to sell us Sharp digital video and still cam. Three hours and four shops later, we decided to take whatever they wanted to sell us, whether it functioned at all or not. Just get us a damn camera! But, noooooooooooo... even that was not available. I still have to figure out a profound way to comprehend what they were trying to do with their business. Seems they only open up shops to harass people. How do they make their living? They must get some compensation from the government for this. At the end of the year they must be some kind of contest for the shops for “The most Harassment from Electronic Shop done to the Stupid Customers from Thailand of the Year Award”.

We dashed back to the airport just in time for “more” shopping. We got on the plane on flight 007 bound for Thailand with lots of chocolates and pistachios.

Son had his body frisked by the security when his body made a beep sound at the metal detector gate. Can’t take him anywhere.

All in all, Hong Kong trip was a good one. The whole trip was so Hong and so Kong. Next year I’ll buy a postcard instead.

Back to Features Headline Index

Copyright 2000  Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand 
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected]

Updated by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek, assisted by Boonsiri Suansuk.