|
Family Money: Balancing
your portfolio
By Leslie
Wright
One of the questions I’m frequently asked is: “How
do I go about putting together a balanced portfolio?”
Well, it’s not exactly child’s play, but it’s
really not so hard either. It all has to do with understanding how to
create an Asset Allocation Matrix.
This somewhat complicated-sounding technical term
simply means how much of what you will hold in your portfolio. What
proportion of cash, of bonds, of equities (stocks & shares), of
commodities, futures & options, in other words.
Each of these different asset classes carries a
different risk-to-reward rating: cash is considered low risk/low reward,
and carries the risk rating 1.
International bonds (major-market government debt) are
considered slightly more risky but still relatively non-volatile, so are
assigned a risk rating of 2.
Major-market equities (US, Europe, UK) are more
volatile in the short term, but produce higher long-term returns than
bonds or cash, so are given the risk/reward rating of 4.
Emerging stock markets tend to be more volatile than
the traditional developed markets (partly because of their smaller size in
terms of capitalisation, and partly because sentiment plays so large a
part in the popularity or otherwise of these markets). However, they can -
as we saw from the figures quoted in last week’s article - produce
spectacular returns (or losses) in the relatively short term. Hence the
risk-to-reward ratio is higher, so this asset class is rated 5 on the
risk/reward scale.
Commodities, futures & options are highly volatile
in the short term, but can produce spectacular gains if selected wisely.
These asset classes are therefore assigned a risk/reward rating of 6.
(They are excluded from consideration for the purposes of this article,
just to keep things simple.)
Balanced fractions
Readers who were paying attention will have noticed I
missed out risk rating 3. Why? Because in the financial service industry a
risk rating of ‘3’ is considered a balanced portfolio. It is also the
risk/reward rating assigned to what is popularly known as a ‘Managed’
fund. (This is something of a misnomer, since all funds are managed. More
properly called ‘Asset Allocation’ funds, these comprise a mixture of
several asset classes, which the managers adjust according to changing
market conditions. Hence the term ‘managed’.)
So in constructing a balanced portfolio, you would aim
to end up with a risk/reward rating somewhere close to 3.
How do you do this? Simple.
First draw yourself a table like the one at the top of
the next column, listing the various asset classes you want to include,
and alongside each list the respective risk/reward rating:
| Table #1 |
|
|
| Asset
Class
|
Risk Rating %
|
Allocation
|
Cash
Bonds
Maj.Mkt.Equities
Emerg.Mkt.Equities
Overall:
|
1
2
4
5
|
100%
|
Then decide what proportion of each asset class you
are going to include, and write that in the 3rd column.
Multiply the percentage of your portfolio allocated
to that asset class by its respective Risk Rating (1, 2, 4 or 5). Add
the results together, and you will come up with your portfolio’s
overall risk/reward rating.
As a simple example, let’s assume you allocate 25%
of your portfolio to cash, 25% to bonds, 25% to major-market equities,
and 25% to emerging-market equities. 1x25% + 2x25% +4x25% + 5x25% = 3.
Your portfolio could be considered a balanced one, since you’ve spread
your investments equally across all four primary asset classes.
But what if you were rather doubtful about emerging
market equities, and with interest rates still low, you find cash
un-enticing? Fine. You reduce your allocations to those, and increase
the proportion in the other two:
| Table #2 |
|
|
|
Asset Class
|
Risk Rating
|
% Allocation
|
Cash
Bonds 2
Emerg.Mkt.Equities
Maj.Mkt.Equities
Overall:
|
1
2
4
5
3
|
10%
40%
40%
10%
100% |
You still end up with an overall risk/reward rating of
3; it’s still a balanced portfolio.
You can ring the changes as much as you like, provided
you keep the proportions of Risk Rating 1:5 the same, and 2:4 the same.
If you are a more aggressive investor, you might want
to increase your holdings in equities, and reduce your holdings in bonds
& cash. What happens then?
| Table #3 |
|
|
|
Asset Class
|
Risk Rating
|
% Allocation
|
Cash
Bonds
Maj.Mkt.Equities
Emerg.Mkt.Equities
Overall:
|
1
2
4
5
3.8
|
5%
10%
65%
20%
100%
|
The same arithmetic shows your portfolio’s overall
risk/reward rating has now moved up to 3.85 - a more aggressive stance but
not yet considered ‘high risk’.
But what if you have little confidence in bonds, are
fearful of emerging market equities, disappointed in the returns from
cash, and disinterested in following the markets? The simple solution is
to get the professionals to do it for you by putting the bulk of your
portfolio in a mixture of ‘Managed’ funds and tack on an element of
whatever else you think appropriate - some European equity funds, for
instance. What happens to your portfolio’s risk rating? Let’s take a
look:
| Table #4 |
|
|
|
Asset Class
|
Risk Rating
|
% Allocation
|
Cash
Bonds
Managed Funds
Maj.Mkt.Equities
Emerg.Mkt.Equities
Overall:
|
1
2
3
4
5
3.1
|
5%
0%
75%
20%
0%
100% |
You will notice I have kept 5% in cash. Keeping a small
cash reserve is always prudent, both as a safety net for short-term needs
and just in case an investment opportunity comes along which you want to
avail of. Nonetheless, this portfolio’s overall risk rating is still
only 3.1 - only very slightly above the balanced mid-mark of 3.
It’s only when your overall risk rating goes below 2
or above 4 that it’s considered unbalanced - and unless there’s a very
good reason for being so conservatively or aggressively positioned,
probably needs some adjusting.
Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster
Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial
advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard
on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have
any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning
investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or
e-mail [email protected].
Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website
on www.westminsterthailand.com.
Editor’s note: Leslie sometimes receives e-mails to
which he is unable to respond due to the sender’s automatic return
address being incorrect. If you have sent him an e-mail to which you have
not received a reply, this may be why. To ensure his prompt response to
your enquiry, please include your complete return e-mail address, or a
contact phone/fax number.
The Computer Doctor
by Richard Bunch
From “Manao”: In their advertising or on
business cards, I’ve noticed that some Loxinfo subscribers, companies
and individuals, give their e-mail address including “ptty” (i.e.
[email protected]). I would like to know what is the use of
including “ptty”, apart from indicating “Pattaya” in setting the
account with the Provider, as “bkk” indicates “Bangkok” and so on.
I’ve tried sending messages with and without “ptty” in the address
and the result is the same: time wise and location wise, which makes no
difference if you include “ptty”. Could you please clarify and/or
confirm? Thanking you in advance.
Computer Doctor replies: As you rightly surmise, it
makes no difference whether or not an area prefix is included in the
e-mail address. This prefix merely indicates the server on which the users
POP account resides. It is my understanding that to be correct these
prefixes should not be included in any advertising, etc. I hope that
clarifies the point.
From Maneewan, Germany: How I can read the Thai
language on the Internet? I’m in Germany and I want to read all Thai
News and the other things in my mother language. Can you please help me?
Computer Doctor replies: This question gets asked
nearly every week, and I have answered it several times. You aren’t
reading the Pattaya Mail are you? Naughty. Since I do not wish to bore
other readers, as you have Internet access, if you refer back to Issue 336
and follow the procedure therein, you will enable Thai in Internet
Explorer 5.
A word or two on Windows 2000
I have received a fair amount of correspondence from
people and attended many disasters that people have encountered after
installing Windows 2000. It is worth noting that this is by no means the
same beast as either Windows 95 or Windows 98 and is much more closely
aligned to Windows NT, both in interface and its pickiness in regards to
certain pieces of hardware and software. Whilst I personally think it is a
great improvement on its predecessors, it needs to be remembered that once
installed, there is no uninstall and the only way back is FDISK and to
reinstall the Operating System and applications. One of the most common
problems seems to be on the communications side of things whereby modems
are not recognised, and of course if your modem doesn’t work, then you
have no Internet access and therefore cannot download updated drivers,
even if they are available. Some of the biggest names in the business
still do not have Windows 2000 drivers available. So it is necessary to
check your system for compatibility before commencing the installation. A
utility to do this is available on Microsoft’s website,
“http://microsoft.com/windows2000/upgrade/compat/default.asp”.
Take note of what it tells you and ensure you can
rectify any shortcomings. It is also worth remembering that you should
make any installations, whether it be software or hardware before
upgrading as the uninstall routines may not work under Windows 2000.
The watch phrase has to be “proceed with caution”.
Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or
E-mail to [email protected]
Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer
Technologies Co., Ltd. Providing professional services which include;
website design, turnkey e-commerce solutions, website hosting, domain name
registration, computer and peripheral sales service and repairs, networks
(LAN & WAN) and IT consulting. Please telephone 038 716 816, e-mail [email protected]
or see our website www.act.co.th
Successfully Yours: Patrick
Van Den Berghe
by Mirin MacCarthy
Spend an hour with Patrick Van Den Berghe and you soon
realise that size doesn’t matter! At only 1.65 metres tall, Patrick,
better known as the proprietor of Patrick’s Belgian Restaurant in the
Bavaria House Arcade, has done more in his short 38 years than many
achieve in a lifetime.
Born in Gent, in the Flemish part of Belgium, Patrick
went to school there and was enrolled for training as a plumber. This was
not exactly what young Patrick wanted out of life. “I wanted to do
something exciting.” Something exciting was to join the Belgian Army at
17years of age and by 18 he had been awarded his red beret. He was a
Para-Commando! Since then, he has done more than 200 jumps, including a
free-fall of almost one and a half minutes from 15,000 feet. His first
jump was actually in Jordan where the troops were asked if they wanted to
do a free-fall, but had to have done one before. Patrick fibbed, said he
done one already, and became a free-fall sky-diver that day.
The life of a Para-Commando fitted in with Patrick. He
was a tough cookie in those days and had already shown good form as an
amateur boxer, after the authorities had expressed the opinion that
Patrick should work off some of his energies in some type of physical
sport!
At that time, Patrick was not as solid as he is now
(down to 88 kg from 105 kg last year) and he fought as a Bantamweight (up
to 57kg). His fight statistics show that even as a Bantamweight, Patrick
was a real rooster! In 1984 he took his first national Belgian
Championship, only to lose it in the following year following an illegal
head butt. “It wasn’t a fair fight,” said Patrick, still obviously
annoyed by the decision 15 years later!
But Patrick did not give up, even after a shoulder
injury kept him out of the fight game for two years, coming back in 1988
to win the national title for a second time. He had a total of 77 fights
and only lost 7. That’s not a bad average in anyone’s eyes. Patrick
said, “I just loved it,” and he certainly did - and in fact still
does. 12 years after his last championship, Patrick is in training to
return to the ring, this time as a Light Welterweight. And the stimulus
for this? “I want to go to Belgium and fight the guy who took my title
with the head butt!”
But it was not boxing that brought Patrick to Thailand
- he parachuted here! During his time with the army he made numerous
acquaintances and amongst those was Jim, his friend who eventually opened
the Airborne Bar here in Pattaya.
It was Jim who sent a fax to Patrick in 1990 suggesting
he come over to Thailand and assist as a parachute instructor. That
fateful fax came at the right time - Patrick was hurting over a failed
marriage and Thailand sounded as good as anywhere at that moment. “I
knew nothing of the country other than the capital was called Bangkok,”
he mused.
He arrived in the Kingdom with 30,000 baht and a
back-pack. One year later he came to Pattaya. He still had the back-pack,
but the money was down to 2,500 baht! However, Patrick was strong and not
afraid of anything, let alone work. He took whatever came his way, working
in bars and then into a Belgian Guest House. He continued to work on,
eventually taking a share in the business and then selling his half to
open Patrick’s Belgian Restaurant.
If you wonder how a champion boxer and Para-Commando
ends up with a restaurant, so did I. Simple! “Cooking is my hobby,”
said Patrick. “I have always had problems with my weight, and so when I
was boxing I always made my own meals.” But cooking is more than a hobby
for this man. He is intensely proud of his culinary abilities. “I am the
happiest man in the world when guests say the food is good.” This was
said with genuine pride.
He is very happy with life here and the 10 years in
Thailand has been good for him too. He has remarried and is thinking about
raising his own boxing squad (I am not sure what he will do if he gets
girls)! Patrick has also come to look on Thailand as “home” and is one
of the few farangs who can sing the Thai National Anthem. “I can’t
help myself, when I hear it on TV I stand up,” he said, laughing at
himself.
His advice for anyone is purely, “If you really want
to do something - just do it!” Mind you, he did follow that up with
“Follow the law of the country” just in case anyone took him too
literally.
Patrick Van Den Berghe has certainly followed his own
advice. For a little lad from Gent who “wanted to prove myself” he has
done much more than that - he has shown that a little hard work never hurt
anybody! I am just happy, however, that I don’t have to step into a ring
with him. That could hurt!
Life Force: Nutrition
in Pregnancy
by Tracy Murdoch
Women should eat well during pregnancy but what does
‘well’ actually mean? No two pregnancies are the same and in the early
stages some degree of nausea and or sickness may be experienced making it
difficult to eat foods you normally would enjoy. This is another reason
for eating a healthy diet prior to becoming pregnant.
As I mentioned previously a good intake of folic acid
is important for preventing spin bifida. A report published in England
this year by the Committee on Medical Aspects of Food and Nutrition policy
stated that in 1998, 107 neural tube defects affected births were
reported. During pregnancy a women’s body becomes much more efficient at
absorbing nutrients so try not to worry too much if you are experiencing
sickness in the early stages. Some women find drinking easier than eating,
so milk or fruit juices may help. Cold foods are often easier to tolerate
than hot. Try to remember that a meal does not have to be hot to be
nutritious.
Some research shows that essential fatty acids may be
important for the development of brain size and function for the
developing baby. These can be found in oily fish and they are also good
for you skin. There are many different aspects of nutrition and pregnancy
so the most important message is to eat as varied a diet as possible,
including fruits and vegetables and listen to your body.
If you are considering a multivitamin and mineral
supplement try to talk to your G.P., midwife or Dietician for advice
first. There is some evidence to suggest that Vitamin C and E taken in the
2nd half of pregnancy may reduce the occurrence of pre-eclampsia (high
blood pressure and protein in the urine).
Snap Shots: Photographic
Phraud!
by Harry Flashman
There are those who say that “Photography” is
“Painting with Light” but Harry Flashman here considers that all
Photography is “Telling Lies with a Camera”. Strong words? You betcha!
There is a lot of debate in the photographic press
about the morality of digital images. With sophisticated computer packages
you can change the scanned “real” image, increase the contrast and
brightness, change the colour to make it look more inviting, cut people
out of a group picture, put a sun in the sky and heaps more. This is
wrong, say the purists. This is tommytwaddle says Harry!
The “purists” have been fiddling with photos for
years. Take just the choice of lenses for any one shot. Do this simple
exercise - take a portrait shot with a 24 mm lens, a 50 mm lens and a 135
mm lens. The first shot is distorted, the second is “normal” as the
eye would see it and the third is the “flattering” image we produce
with a short telephoto lens such as this, often called a “portrait”
lens. Which is the “real” photograph?
Take the same three lenses and now shoot a car, for
example. The first is a dramatic shot with the car leaping out at you, the
second is how the car really is, while the third shot will show a strange
“short” car because of the compressing effect of telephoto lenses.
Which is the “real” image?
No, we all use the equipment at our disposal to produce
the most effective image that we can. If we want a dramatic image, then
bolt on the wide angle and away we go. No matter how “untrue” that
final result.
So let’s look at real photo fraud this week. The best
in the business is the photographer who specialises in food shots. Having
done his fair share of foodie pictures, Harry feels he is more than
qualified to comment. Why do the shots your local caf้ takes of its
food look so flat and unexciting? What is it that makes the professional
food shots really leap off the pages of the magazines? Why do the roast
beef slices look so inviting? Why does the wine sparkle?
The answer is that the pro’s take shots of food you
cannot eat! That’s right, those slices of roast beef are hardly cooked
at all and are brushed with a mixture of Bovril and oil to get the colour
and that lovely moist and succulent look.
Before shooting vegetables, the photographer will take
up his trusty fine point paintbrush and cover them with a fine coating of
oil to get that vibrant sheen.
Wine shots are interesting. Red wine in a bottle turns
out black when you photograph it, so you dilute it 50% with water and
shine a light through the back of the bottle to give it that glow.
Champagne? Ever wondered how the clever photographer managed to get all
those bubbles at that precise moment? The reason is that the photographer
spent about three hours to get the lighting just right and then, just
before the final shot, drops a grain or two of sugar into the champagne
and Hey Presto! Bubbles!
Ice cream is a fun stuff to shoot. Almost impossible!
It always starts to melt and run before the final take. Answer?
Polystyrene foam and shaving cream!
Ever looked at one of those enticing shots of a cup of
hot coffee? Blob of cream on the top of a cup of freshly brewed coffee,
with just that little whisp of steam coming off it. Probably a few coffee
grounds sprinkled beside it to show that it has just been freshly ground.
That cup of coffee is most likely Bovril again, with shaving cream on top
and a flake of dry ice added just before the shot to produce that whisp of
“steam”.
No, food photographers do not have a great time eating
the product afterwards - they throw it all away as totally inedible!
Modern Medicine: The
Funny Side
by Dr Iain Corness
Medicine and the practise of it is a very serious
business. Every time a doctor gives an opinion, the medico concerned has
to be ready to back it up with some serious facts. Some parts of medicine
can be downright depressing, they are so serious.
Take for example, that group of doctors who become
Forensic Pathologists. These people do not even get the chance to have a
joke with their patients. No, their consultations are done in the cold
sterile environment of the autopsy room. As a result of all this
seriousness at work, most doctors seem to develop a wicked sense of humour
and I was sent some examples of this, taken from court proceedings. These
made me chuckle, especially as there appears to be a life-long antipathy
between doctors and lawyers, although I must admit I have met a great
lawyer in Australia, I just can’t remember his name...
Anyway, here’s a few from the records -
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A. All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
And the second one,
Q. Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
Q. And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
And the last one,
Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for blood pressure.
A. No.
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.
Q. So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A. No.
Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q. But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
A. Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law
somewhere.
Humour is actually a very important part of life and in
fact you’re dead without it. But jokes aside, laughter really is the
best medicine. People who know how to laugh, at themselves as well as at
others, do have a better outcome than those who do not. Even with such
death sentences as some forms of cancer, you will do much better with a
happy, positive, laughing approach to life.
One person who really knew this was a chap in Australia
who, once he found he had a terminal illness, held his own wake before he
died. In this way he felt he could say goodbye to all his friends, rather
than have them drinking over his cold corpse after the funeral. Bizarre
perhaps, but I can understand his macabre sense of humour!
No, learn to laugh, read humorous books, watch funny
videos, hang around with people who tell great jokes and suddenly you will
find that life just seems that little bit better. And you’ll live longer
too! Now, have you ever heard the one about the doctor and the actress?
 Dear
Hillary,
My teenage son just lies around the house complaining
that he is “bored”. How can a fit young fifteen year old boy be bored?
Hillary, I don’t know what to do. He used to like going to the movies or
swimming, but lately he just won’t get out from his own shadow. Have you
any ideas?
Desperate Mum
Dear Desperate,
Oh nooo! Not the fifteen year old male child syndrome!
Take heart it is all hormonal and will pass by the time he is twenty. Just
wear earplugs NEVER venture in his room and treat him with large doses of
cheer. Every time he whinges about being bored, smile and say you
desperately need help with xyz, preferably shopping. If he persists with
complaining of being unable to entertain himself then suggest sweetly
there are a million choices he can make and anyone of them is a boredom
buster. Don’t be enticed into presenting options for him to reject.
Teach him to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his own
frame of mind. If this is too tough then you can always leave home. Good
luck!
Dear Hillary,
I came back to where my car was parked, to find a
motorcycle had fallen over and was leaning on my car, scratching the
bonnet. I waited to see if the owner would come up, but after half an hour
I left. I have the number plate of the motorcycle. Do you think I could
get any compensation for this, or should I just pay it myself and forget
it. The painting shop said they thought it would cost maybe 1000 baht.
What do you think?
Scratched Sue
Dear Scratchy Sue,
Oh, you must be new here. Have you heard of the phrase,
T.I.T., it means This is Thailand! And it is short for, Anything Can and
Does Happen! Hillary’s advice is to just pay and forget it.
Dear Hillary,
The other night I wanted to go to Jomtien and had to
take a baht bus. I got on to find the driver pulling up and telling me he
wanted 100 baht to go to Jomtien. I did not know whether to pay or not so
I got out and got another one who took me there for 50 baht. What is the
correct price? I thought it was supposed to be 5 baht everywhere. My
friends don’t know either as they all have cars and drivers. What is it?
Baht bus blues
Dear Blues,
5 baht anywhere around town IN THE DAY TIME, if you do
not charter the bus, i.e., if you go where the driver is going & get
off when it doesn’t suit. At night time it is negotiable. Expect to
barter a fare of up to 50 baht from Pattaya to Jomtien at night I’m
afraid. Never get in the front cab with the driver at night and never take
a baht bus with 2 males in the cab. Baht busses are fun especially at
Songkran but I suggest you wear a raincoat at that time.
Dear Hillary,
Often I see the local monks walking along the street
with their begging bowls. I would like to contribute but I am unsure of
how to go about this. Should I offer them money? If so, how much? Or do
they just ask for food in the mornings? If this is the case, what sort of
food will they eat? Also will they take a donation from Western women?
Monkey Business
Dear Business Lady,
Ask a Thai friend or maid to show you how to go about
it. Basically you wait quietly beside the road with your offering and as
the monk approaches you remove your shoes and squat down holding your
offering. The monk will then stop and with his hand covered remove the lid
of his alms bowl. This is the time to put the plastic bags of food inside
without touching the monk. Of the 200 odd vows monks take, one is of
poverty and another is not to touch a woman. So do not give them money
either unless you are fresh out of takeaway Thai food. Even then, it is
really laziness on your part and not in the spirit of the thing, which is
an opportunity for you to make merit by offering the monks food. Monks eat
Thai food and generally what they are given. If there is any surplus they
share it with the other monks or temple animals. If you are determined to
offer money put 20 baht inside a sealed envelope.
Dear Hillary,
I am certainly not a prude, but I do like to have a
drink in peace. Can you recommend a couple of pubs where you can just have
quiet ale without getting hassled?
Charlie
Dear Charlie,
Really Charlie, half the fun is in finding the bars
yourself - and there’s lots of them. But if you’re stuck try
Delaney’s, The Pig and Whistle, Rosie O’Gradys, Moon River or Green
Bottle. While none of them are exactly quiet, there are certainly no
hassles.
GRAPEVINE
|
Armed Samaritan
A rain soaked Scandinavian farang, out
walking his dog near Sri Racha Harbor, was accosted by a seedy looking
character in a decrepit Toyota car who demanded 50,000 baht at
knifepoint. Lars Porsena from Oslo explained that he did not have that
sort of cash on him but did so at his home three kilometers away. The
would be varlot offered to give Lars a lift there. After arriving at
the bungalow, the victim went inside and telephoned police as the
robber waited in the car for the money to appear. The criminal
confessed all at the police station but asked to be released on the
grounds that he had sportingly given a farang a free taxi ride during
a heavy downpour.
Sleepless nights
A Pattaya fraudster has been badly beaten up
after attempting to con a group of Liverpool truck drivers into
believing he had not fallen asleep for twenty nine years. The
trickster, nicknamed locally as Mr Wakey Wakey, had become infamous
for begging money from tourists with his unlikely tale that he had
never even nodded off once since 1971 when his wife had died in a
horrifying road accident. The Merseyside boys, in heavy drinking mode,
finally told Wakey Wakey kindly to move elsewhere his unwelcome rear
end, or words to that effect in Scouse dialect. When he refused to go
without being given 100 baht, Buster Hughes from Port Sunlight hit him
on the jaw. A hospital spokesman confirmed the patient was now
sleeping peacefully. Buster was not prosecuted after pointing out he
had meant to do the guy a favor.
The pie man cometh
Strange how you could not even smell a
British meat pie, let alone a proper sausage, in Pattaya three years
ago, and now we are inundated with retail outlets and speciality caf้s
all over town. The latest addition is Yorkie’s Pork Platter, way
down the Jomtien Beach Road, but it’s well worth the trip if you are
into smoked bacon, pork pies and gammon ham to eat there or take away.
The caf้ has a varied hot menu and sandwiches, headed by the
special big breakfast at 95 baht. Remember, though, the Platter closes
around 20.00 hours so don’t ask for a midnight feast on the
premises. A big bonus is that easy parking outside or opposite is
almost a certainty on weekdays. Recommended by GEOC (Grapevine Eating
Out Collective), or at least the early risers amongst them
Don’t bank on it
Most farangs are clear by now that bank
interest rates on call and notice accounts are both miserly and
falling. If you are getting more than 3% on them, then you are doing
well and call accounts are mostly down to around 1% or even less.
Interest payable on notice accounts is subject to a 15% government tax
in all circumstances. Interest on call accounts is taxed at that rate
only if the annual interest payable is 10,000 baht or more. If your
total interest is less than that, there is no tax to pay at most
banks. Incidentally, one of the advantages of the government’s tight
monetary policy is that loans (to Thais) to buy property have not been
cheaper in real terms for decades. This in turn appears to be
stimulating the second hand house market. The traditional Thai
aversion to buying used property may be receding as families discover
they can afford to repay the bank loans on older homes. |
Visa extensions
You may have noticed that, effective last
month, there is a new system for extending your visa at the local
immigration bureau. Hand in your passport in the morning and get it
back at 15.00 hours. Hand it in the afternoon and collect it the next
working day at 9.00 hours. The new system is to allow proper checking
of passport details against the computerized records held centrally by
immigration headquarters and airport authorities in Bangkok.
Incidentally, all permanently manned border posts of the kingdom are
now linked to the mainframe immigration computer. People hoping to
“slip out of Thailand” are finding it increasingly difficult.
Breaking news
After agreeing to license cartoon character
Woody Woodpecker as the Internet guide for its Web browser, Panasonic
has pulled out of the deal. The anticipated slogan of “Touch Woody
– The Internet Pecker” is thought to be a trifle too risky for the
new century... Pattaya expat Rudy Forbes has finally died at the age
of 86. He had been housebound for many years, but was famous in the
1970s for winning quite outrageous bets even though these were
technically illegal under Thai law. His most famous exploit was
winning 500,000 baht after spending ten days successfully finding a
needle in a real haystack. RIP Rudy… South Korea has banned a new
imported English language textbook for kids called Captain Underpants
And The Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies From Outer Space. A
government official explained that they did not want impressionable
children turning into idiots. After all, he continued, some of them
could be running the country by 2040. However, Progress Books of New
York stated that the American government had raised no objection to
the book going on sale over there.
They said it
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going
to feel all day. (Frank Sinatra)
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. (Ernest Hemingway)
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of
alcohol. (Pattaya expat) |
Dining Out: The
Rose Garden - definitely an English Rose!
by Miss Terry Diner
It is probably not well known that the Dining Out Team has
spies all over town, reporting back on the various eating places. Those reports
deal, not only with new restaurants, but also existing restaurants where
something new has happened. This week’s restaurant is one of the latter.
The Rose Garden is a small inexpensive hotel on the right
going up Pratumnak Hill from South Pattaya. Blink twice and you’ll miss it; we
almost did! It has parking out front and even more down the side. Go through the
foyer and there, in the rear half of the building, is a small restaurant and bar
area.
On our exploratory night, we went un-announced. The Dining
Out Team may not have known this restaurant was there - but a good proportion of
British people had already found it, complete with its Darts and Quiz nights.
There were many UK accents to be heard, including that of mine host Bobby, who
with partner Pat, had taken over this side of the hotel just one month ago.
It’s a chirpy little place with clean bright red
tablecloths and wicker padded chairs on the terrace. Condiments adorn the tables
with Heinz Malt Vinegar in pride of place. Before the menu arrives, you know
this is going to be British tucker. There is also a container with some roses,
unfortunately of the never say die plastic variety!
The menu is complete, without going over the top. The prices
were so inexpensive that we compared the two menus we had, just in case one was
a misprint. Breakfasts with eggs, sausages and tomatoes around 75 baht, or
omelettes ranging around 50 baht. Sandwiches 40-60 baht with bacon, sausage,
egg, ham salad, cheese, tuna, ham and even toasted.
There is a choice of 12 mains with prices between 100-200
baht. Most of these dishes come with assorted vegetables, potatoes or chips and
gravy. The items include sirloin steak, deep fried fish and chips, half a roast
chicken, a couple of pies, gammon eggs chips and peas. There is also a roast
beef with Yorkshire pud, roast potatoes and veggies - for 150 baht!
There are also 11 choices of the usual Thai favourite dishes,
all served with rice for 50-70 baht. This was obviously not going to be an
expensive night.
With a nice cold Singha Gold going down slowly, I went for
the roast dinner, while Madame chose the roast chicken and chips. Bobby’s cook
must be working hard, because we did not have to wait long at all before two
very large plates of food arrived at the table. The chicken also had a small
serving jug with gravy.
The roast beef was my Mum, Mrs Diner at home in the UK, all
over again. Nicely done Yorkie, plenty of roast potatoes and lashings of gravy
over the beef - and enough of it too! The plate was licked clean. Madame said
her chips were some of the nicest she has had in Pattaya and the gravy was great
too.
With the offer of dessert, Madame went for the apple pie and
ice cream, which arrived in a huge bowl - and was ceremoniously eaten to the
last morsel. Being already full from my roast dinner I sat desserts out, but did
manage to slip another Singha Gold away!
It was at that stage that our cover was blown by someone at
the bar who recognised us. When Bobby found that he had been visited by Miss
Terry Diner and companion, his first words were, “It’s not fair! I’ve only
been here a month. There’s new dishes that haven’t been added to the menu
yet!”
Let me assure you, Bobby and Pat, that you have nothing to
fear from the Dining Out Team. The Rose Garden Restaurant delivered to us some
good solid British food at some exceptionally reasonable prices.
If you’d like to experience a little bit of Old England
too, it is definitely worth giving the Rose Garden a try. Thanks for the tip,
Chuck Pringle!
Lotus Eaters:
I Can Still Feel My Knees
by Lesley Warner
What would you do if your friend offered you the chance
to do something that you’d thought about for years, but never done?
You’d take it of course! Even if it meant getting up at 3 a.m. and
traveling for four hours? Little did I know what I was letting myself in
for.
The invitation was to spend three days at an upcountry
temple and take part in the Buddhist Makabucha celebration, something that
most heathen farangs don’t usually have the chance to do.
When we arrived at the temple we went to one of the many
communal houses and changed into white clothes (shoulders covered). There
was a serene beauty about the place and hundreds of Thai people milling
about, no other farang.
 The
bell went for prayers; Mirin and I joined the throng heading towards the
temple, urged on by Wanna who was going to translate for us. We lowered
ourselves gingerly onto our knees on the marble floor. Two hours later we
were still there!
Hypnotized by the chanting, tiredness and pain, little
did we realize this was only the beginning! Over the next two days there
would be prayer’s three times a day, starting at 5 in the morning, each
lasting up to three hours. Never have I gritted my teeth so hard to endure
such voluntary torture.
We were offered a tent in the woods by the river, Mirin
and I both chorused “Yes Please”. This turned out to be an umbrella
hanging on a washing line, strung between the trees, with a ground sheet,
mosquito net and a blanket.
The last meal of the day was at 11 a.m. First the
Monk’s move like a long orange snake winding it’s way towards the food
table. We must always be lower than they are; it’s the stragglers that
cause the problem, just when we think it’s safe to get up another one
appears. This can happen several times and you can imagine how humorous this
serious ritual can become. Last of all comes Luang Poo himself, he has an
incredible aura that I find impossible to put a name to. The Monk’s then
perform the ceremonial washing of his feet. Then it’s our turn. Metal
plate clutched in hand we “politely” fight to get to the rice; once
there we’re on our way, fill our plate and wait for everyone to be seated,
then we pray. By the time we eventually eat our food it’s stone cold and
the flies have sampled the lot but at least we were sitting on a chair.
Our first day ended with a ceremony at Luang Poo’s
temple for meditation. We crossed the bridge while watching the exotic
undulating dragons that decorate the base of the red tiled roof reflected in
the water, exquisite traditional paintings covered the ceiling all
complimented by the beautiful jade rocky gardens. Holding our incense sticks
and flowers, we walked three times around the Temple while the fine mist of
holy rain summoned by Luang Poo fell on us. The moon was a deep crimson,
such as I’ve never seen before, the whole situation had a surreal feel
about it that even a complete skeptic would have been moved by.
Unknown to us we were given the honor to use the Monk’s
private shower’s. During the night I wandered into a shower unit, past a
monk hanging his robe on the line, I noticed the toiletries but was too
exhausted to care. When I came out the patient Monk was gazing at the sky, I
had used his shower! Mirin and I had managed to commit one “faux par”
after another over the three days.
We can only commend Luang Poo, his Monks and the many
Thai people for their graciousness to us. It was a hard but very special
weekend I shall never forget. And I hope my knees will forgive me. Our
driver back here was really astounded when we insisted on being dropped off
at an Irish Pub in Pattaya on our return, luggage and all. Two whimpering
women in white delivered from a temple straight to a watering hole was too
much for him to come to terms with. He drove off muttering baa farangs!
 Down
The Iron Road:
The ‘King’ that lost his bell
by John D. Blyth
The ‘King’ Class express passenger locomotives built
at Swindon in 1927/8 and 1930 were built at the insistence of one man. This
was the Great Western’s publicity conscious General Manager, Sir Felix
Pole, who was aware that for a few years the Great Western had had the
nominally ‘most powerful express passenger locomotive in Britain (the
earlier ‘Castle’ Class of 1923), which had been beaten, on a very
theoretical basis of calculated ‘tractive effort’ by a new locomotive on
the little Southern ‘Lord Nelson’ Class, built for working heavy boat
trains to the Channel Ports and holiday trains to the West of England. This
would not do for Sir Felix and so the ‘Kings’ were born, with all
possible means utilised to ensure their tractive effort was made so high
that no line was likely to equal it for a long time.
The boiler pressure was increased, the cylinders were
made larger, the coupled driving wheels were made slightly smaller, each one
producing a non-standard product, which pushed the weight, and the cost, of
each locomotive up to a far higher figure than budgeted, but Sir Felix had
got most of what he wanted.
 ‘King
George V’, outside Old Oak Common Depot, in west London, in 1962.
In 1927, the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad of the USA
celebrated its centenary and its top man, visiting the UK in early 1927, met
Sir Felix and suggested to him that a British steam locomotive should be
sent over to be shown and maybe run some trials on the B & O main line.
Pole agreed and it was plain that the first of the new Class, to be No. 6000
and named ‘King George V’ after the then reigning monarch, would be the
one to go. But progress was initially a bit slow, and when assistant works
manager K.J. Cook was called in to account for this, and he said the first
one would be ready for trials in September, he was sharply told “Young
man, that engine has to be in the USA by August!” It was done after some
very brief trials and one run to the West of England; No. 6000 set sail for
the new world. The engine was a rousing success ‘over there’ and some
trials with a very heavy train in totally strange conditions, different type
of coal, a different and unfamiliar braking system and some very stiff
gradients, the locomotive performed with credit.
American law provided that the locomotive should carry a
large brass bell, to be sounded from the driver’s cab; this was mounted on
the front of the locomotive and can be clearly seen in my photograph.
Suitably inscribed, it was a present from the B & O Railroad to be
carried for all time. However, in the middle of the 1939 war it was seen
running without it. Stored for safety? - Given to the scrap metal drive for
the nation at war? We were not told but not long after the war’s end
‘King George V’ was running again with a bell. It was, we assumed, a
sign of the times that it did not seem to shine as brightly - engine
cleaning was not what it used to be!
In late 1954, as part of a course of special training, I
was attached to the big Old Oak Common locomotive depot in West London,
built by the Great Western Railway 50 years earlier. In the office of the
mechanical foreman, the revered Billy Gibbs, I heard one end of a very
curious phone conversation about a bell on a locomotive. Said Billy at the
end of it, “Well John, do you know what that was all about?” I replied
that it seemed to be about the bell No. 6000, and he replied, “Yes,
they’ve found it at last.” But I protested that the locomotive was
outside the office with a bell at that very moment! Then the story emerged.
During the war period, the US Army Transportation Corps
had very free access to Swindon workshops and their vehicles were going in
and out all day. Few were checked for contents and one crew, seeing the bell
from No. 6000 lying unattended, said, “This is ours!” and duly removed
it. Where it was hidden all the ensuing years had not been revealed... I
have heard a rare tale that it had been seen during the Battle of Normandy,
which followed the 1944 D-Day invasion, going profoundly into battle on the
front of a Sherman Tank. I cannot say if this is the truth but I doubt it! I
think it probably did not leave Britain.
 ‘Kind
Edward I’ at Didcot Great Western Centre on 29th September 1992. Alongside
it is the first Standard locomotive built for the Nationalised British
Railways in 1951, No. 7000 ‘Britannia’.
Whoever had it, eventually found it to be too hot to hold
and so decided to dump it. They did so buy night, wrapped in brown paper and
it was concealed in some bushes where the Bayswater Road runs alongside
Kensington Gardens, not far from the Paddington Station of the former Great
Western Railway. The metropolitan police officers, with unusual insight,
read the words ‘Great Western Railway’ on the bell and handed it over to
the British Transport Police at Paddington and it was they who held the
phone conversation with Billy Gibbs.
Later that day, I was present when the bell was handed
over, and the substitute bell (which had been quietly but quite accurately
cast in Swindon foundry, but not of such good quality brass - it looked too
grey) was placed in its rightful position on the front of the first
‘King’ Class, for the first time in over ten years.
No. 6000 was withdrawn from regular service at the end of
1962 after running about 1.9 million miles. It was saved from the scrap heap
by Messrs. Bulmers, the Hereford Cider makers and they had it overhauled to
work on their short private siding. Later it was the locomotive to break
through the British Railways ban on operation of steam locomotives on
special trains, and since then it has worked a mileage which, although not
precisely known, must be over 2 million miles or 3,220,000 km. A further
‘King” Class locomotive, 6024, has beautifully restored to working order
at Quainton Road Centre of the Buckinghamshire Railway Club, and has ably
taken over special train working from No. 6000, the latter now being on view
in the Railway Museum at Swindon, in part of the old workshops where all the
‘King’ Class locomotives had been built. It is unlikely to run again.
Coins of the Realm:
Coin or Medal?
by Jan Olav
Amalid,
President House of the Golden Coin
http://www.thaicoins.com
Often someone tells me about a rare coin they’ve got at
home. They have already looked it up in the coin-catalogue, and found out
that the coin is not recorded even in the specialized book.
In most cases it turns out that it is not a coin; it is a
medal. The difference between a coin and a medal is that a coin can or could
be used for shopping, and on almost all coins struck today there will be a
written face value.
 Thailand,
600 baht silver coin to commemorate His Majesty The King’s 72nd Birthday
Medals can not be used for shopping, but might have a
collector’s value. Coins are often issued to commemorate a special
occasion, and the selling price from the mint or distributor might be more
than the face value. Last year Thailand celebrated the 72nd Birthday of His
Majesty the King. Several coins were issued for the occasion. Among them
were a gold coin with the face value of 6,000 baht and a silver coin with a
face value of 600 baht. The coins could, in uncirculated condition, be
bought for face value, while in proof condition one had to pay double face
value. It is little chance that the ones in proof condition ever will be
spent, but from time to time the uncirculated ones can be spent. When I say
spent, one might have a problem buying a drink at one of Pattaya’s famous
beer-bars, but the Treasury Department and banks will always exchange the
coins.
 USA,
$50 bullion issue
Anyway, I would not recommend changing these beautiful
coins; I have seen the 6,000 baht in uncirculated being sold for 7,000 baht,
and the mintage is very limited. Some gold coins, for examples the US one
ounce gold $50, are sold for much more than the face value, even if the
mintage is more than 200,000. The reason is that the value of the gold in
the $50 is almost $300. One reason for the US government for striking a coin
that probably never will come in normal circulation is that many countries
have restrictions on import of gold medals, while legal tender coins can in
many countries be imported with no restrictions.
Another good reason for countries issuing these bullion
coins is to make money. They add on a certain percentage above the bullion
value, and the cost of production is less than what they add on.
Some of the governments issuing these bullion coins are
South Africa with their Krugerrand, Canada with their Maple Leaf and
Australia with their Koala Bear.
Sometimes the lines between what is a coin and medal is
hard to draw, but in general I would say as long as the government in a
country honors or did honor a coin as legal tender, I believe it is a coin.
Copyright 2000 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected] |
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