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Family Money: Plainning
makes Dollars and Sense
By Leslie
Wright
There is a very simple formula for getting rich and
staying rich. Spend less and save more.
One way to achieve this is by tithing the family’s
income. In effect, making a firm commitment with your spouse to set aside
and save a certain percentage of your gross income, come what may.
The amount of course has to be realistic. Not too much
to beggar the family, but not too little as to be meaningless. Most
financial planning experts would say that a meaningful amount is at least
10% and preferably around 15%-20% of the family’s total income, after
taxes but before any other expenditures.
Keeping a reserve
The most important financial consideration for any
family is cash flow. For most households, the month-to-month family budget
is fairly easy to manage. You know pretty well - within a narrow band -
what your rent, food, utility & phone bills and transportation will
cost.
However, a change of circumstances or a family
emergency may arise which results in a sudden need for more than the
“usual” amount of cash.
To allow for such unexpected eventualities, a cash
reserve to last at least six months should be kept in the form of
accessible interest-bearing bank deposits, or in money funds that have
similar high liquidity and can be accessed without penalty.
Retirees here have to show local bank deposits of at
least Bt.800,000 if they’re over 55 but under 60, and Bt.250,000 if
they’re over 60, to renew their annual retirement visa. (But the new
banking rules may interfere somewhat with this formerly simple process.)
This cash deposit is regarded as adequate cash reserve
to cover the visa applicant’s living expenses for the coming year -
although some readers may spend more and others less than this in any
given year, depending on their lifestyle and circumstances. (And of course
assuming that our friendly local banks continue to allow retired foreign
residents to maintain a local bank account at all.)
Over the long term, stocks & shares have a higher
potential for gain than cash; but are more volatile in the short term. So
it is inadvisable to invest this cash reserve in stock market ventures,
because when you need the cash the shares may be worth less than you
bought them for.
Stock market-related investments - or, more
appropriately for most people, funds which invest in a diversified
portfolio of stocks - should therefore be regarded as for the longer-
rather than shorter-term, and should only be considered after shorter-term
needs are adequately provided for.
The ‘What if?’ factor
If you have a family, you should consider the ‘What
if’ factor. This means thinking about what would happen to them if
something happened to you.
If you were out of work tomorrow, how would they
survive? Ensuring you have a cash cushion as outlined above is the answer.
But what if you were squashed by one of the over-laden
trucks that we see hurtling down the fast lane of Sukhumvit every day,
driven by a young maniac high on bennies, anxious either to finish his
delivery, get home to his wife & kiddies, or meet up with his mates or
girlfriend for some sanuk?
If you were injured and unable to work, does your
company offer any form of compensation that would provide your family with
an adequate income until you were fully recovered? Most do not.
To try getting compensation from the truck driver is in
most instances an exercise in futility. He will have fled the scene
(assuming his truck even stopped after pranging you), and the truck
company’s insurance may or may not cover you, but in any case could take
months to sort out. In the meantime, the hospital bills have to be paid,
and your family fed.
Worse, what would happen if your injuries were fatal?
Some employers have employee compensation insurance; but this may only
cover you for job-related injuries or death. Driving home after work or
play may be exempted.
You don’t plan on having a road accident, but judging
by the chalk marks on the roads around Pattaya - especially at weekends -
it can happen all too often, even to the most experienced and careful
drivers, and the results to your family could be disastrous.
Covering yourself
Similarly if you are taken ill and unable to work. Most
employers’ healthcare schemes will only pay out for a limited period -
if they cover you at all. But you could be taken ill with a serious
ailment or chronic disease which could cost a small fortune in hospital
bills, need months of outpatient care, and find yourself unable to work at
the same level - if at all - thereafter.
These are morbid subjects that most people don’t like
to think about. But they could be even more painful to your family’s
financial health if not thought about at all.
It is advisable therefore to have an adequate amount of
healthcare insurance, accident benefit insurance, and life insurance. You
hope the premiums will be a waste of money - but if the need arises your
family will be only too thankful that you had taken out proper coverage.
How much coverage
Generally speaking, life insurance coverage should be
equal to five years’ family income.
People ask me: “Why five years?” The answer is that
if you pass away, your family members who are left behind will have five
years’ money without having to work. If, after five years, they don’t
know how to survive, they should probably follow you to the next life.
However, if a person’s net worth is equal to five
years’ insurance cover, then it’s perhaps unnecessary to take out a
life-assurance policy, since life insurance in Thailand is comparatively
expensive.
In the States, for instance, life-cover premiums are
only about 25% of the average figure quoted for the same amount of
coverage in Thailand.
As a goodly proportion of the local premium goes to the
insurance agent, it may make better economic sense for people with
sufficient means to put the money into a secure money-market account
instead.
Financial freedom
Another important issue is how to manage one’s assets
to achieve financial independence. This means that if you have enough
money working for you, you can choose to stop working.
However, you either have to figure out yourself how
much cash you would need, or ask your financial advisor to crunch some
numbers for you to determine how much realistically would need to be
accumulated to last you and your family for the rest of your days, taking
inflation into account.
In the past, to be financially independent an average
family living in Thailand needed to have liquid assets of about 20 million
baht. Nowadays, however, 20 million baht might not be enough. This is
because until fairly recently 20 million baht deposited in a bank could be
expected to yield a net return of about 10% after tax - or about two
million baht annually.
But as the net interest is now only 3-4%, the deposit
would have to be tripled to achieve the same level of income. If you’re
reliant upon bank deposits, you’d have to have accumulated capital in
the order of 50-60 million baht - a significant figure and beyond most
average investors’ scope.
A globally-diversified offshore portfolio could achieve
the same figure for far less capital, since 10% average growth is the
offshore ‘standard’ over the longer-term for a well-managed,
medium-risk portfolio (although of course this will fluctuate from year to
year - but then, so do bank interest rates).
Don’t be greedy
The next rule for family finance is to accumulate
investments while not being too greedy.
Once more than a minimal level of assets has been
reached, an appropriate investment strategy should be adopted that can
change according to the investor’s age and family circumstances.
Young unattached people can afford to be aggressive in
their investments. But once a young wage-earner starts a family, his
day-to-day expenditure increases dramatically while his longer-term
financial responsibilities to his family increase also.
His investment strategy has to take this into account,
and perhaps needs revising to a somewhat more conservative stance.
Retired people should be even more conservative with
their investments, as these typically have to produce an income-stream for
the rest of their lives - and without the possibility of being
‘topped-up’ from employment earnings they’re no longer receiving.
Spreading the risk
Diversification of the portfolio should also be an
important consideration; but this term is often misinterpreted.
Your family’s assets can be divided into four basic
categories, the most obvious being land & house, and cash deposits.
This is where many people’s financial planning or what they consider
their “investment strategy” stops.
Once they have a roof over their head and some cash in
the bank, many people don’t or won’t consider other forms of
investment - often out of fear or ignorance of how these other investment
classes work.
The third category, then, is various types of
securities. Today, because of stock market volatility, bonds are viewed by
many as more desirable than stocks & shares.
Commodities, futures & options, and forex trading
are not for pensioners or the unsophisticated and should be viewed for
what they are: quite risky and volatile investment classes. However, they
can be useful if you understand how these non-correlated asset classes can
be incorporated in an aggressive portfolio to work to your advantage.
The fourth category is valuables, including rare coins,
stamps, jewellery and paintings, which unlike shares could hold their
value during difficult times. But many people have a tendency to fall in
love with their paintings, gold or diamonds, and may be reluctant to see
them as part of their family’s investment portfolio, which can and
should be cashed in when needed or the price is right.
Paradoxically, Thais seem more pragmatic about turning
gold bracelets and necklaces into cold cash when needed (usually, in the
case of many local lasses, the instant the giver has departed for the
airport) than their Western counterparts, who tend to attach greater
sentimental value to baubles and bangles, and are reluctant to liquidate
them even when the necessity arises.
Tax planning and tax shelters can reduce expenses and
thus enhance the net return on your investments. But that’s a whole
other topic for another day. And as a wise man once said, “Those who
fail to plan, plan to fail.”
Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster
Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial
advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard
on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have
any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning
investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or
e-mail [email protected].
Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website
on www.westminsterthailand.com.
Editor’s note: Leslie sometimes receives e-mails to
which he is unable to respond due to the sender’s automatic return
address being incorrect. If you have sent him an e-mail to which you have
not received a reply, this may be why. To ensure his prompt response to
your enquiry, please include your complete return e-mail address, or a
contact phone/fax number.
The Computer Doctor
by Richard Bunch
From Gerry, Bang Saen: I have
been a Chonburi KSC subscriber for the past 4 months and have had no
problems until this week. When I click onto Internet Explorer 5.5 and go
on line the first page that appears is a pornographic one named Karas
Adult Playground. I have never subscribed to this kind of material and do
not want it on my computer. Have you heard of this page and have other
people had similar problems? How can I get rid of it? It appears every
time I try to go on line. Hope you can help.
Computer Doctor replies: Gerry, I personally
haven’t heard of this website, but with millions out there, it is hardly
surprising. To answer your question though, when visiting some websites,
pop-ups appear and it is feasible for one of these or a website visited to
modify your default ‘home page’. The remedy for this is fortunately
simple and since you are using Internet Explorer 5.5, go to Tools,
Internet Options, then within the General tab, select Home page and either
type in the URL of your preferred Home page or more simply select one of
the presets from the buttons, Use Current, Use Default or Use Blank.
Hopefully that should resolve your problem.
From Manao: I sometimes receive e-mails from
spammers or even people sending the same e-mail to a circle of
acquaintances. Nothing wrong so far, but what puzzles me is that my
[user’s] name doesn’t appear after the “To...” following the
“From...” Instead, the recipient is somebody I never heard of and
that’s a single person; there is no list as it often occurs with bulk
e-mails. One guy who sends me regular newsletters never uses the same
recipient’s name to e-mail me (I never dared to ask him). So my question
is: how do they send me a message bearing the name of another recipient?
Do they link my e-mail address to his name?
Recently, I wanted to defragment my hard disk (physical
drive) using the system tools: it starts like it’s running but after 15
minutes, it’s still “0% complete”, and if I click on “Show
Details”, the enlarged window is desperately blank. Any idea on why it
doesn’t start defragmenting?
Before switching my computer on, if I forget to take
out the floppy disk from its drive, the systems starts as if there was no
floppy inserted, when it should stop and warn me to take it out. I don’t
know much about computing (as you can see) but I read somewhere that you
can configure this by going into the Setup before the system starts (at
one [early] stage it reads: “Press Delete if you want to Setup”.) So
what should I change in the Setup to fix this “abnormality”? Thanking
you in advance
Computer Doctor replies: In answer to your first
question, there are many bulk e-mail programs available today, and most
have various options with regards to personalization, etc. It really is
impossible to answer your question fully. If you really are that
interested, go back to one of the senders and pose the question.
With regards to the defragmentation issue, I am
assuming you are operating Windows 98 and possibly a reasonable sized hard
disk. If this is the case then this is a recognised bug for which there is
a fix available at Microsoft’s website. The simplest option is to run
Windows Update, which you should find in the Start Menu.
And finally in order to address your floppy preference,
yes you will need to modify the BIOS by entering set-up, so do press Del
on boot and then from within the options that are presented (different
manufactures have different layouts) find the boot sequence and select
something like C only or C then A.
Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or
E-mail to [email protected].
The views and comments expressed within this column are not necessarily
those of the writer or Pattaya Mail Publishing.
Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer
Technologies Co., Ltd. providing professional information technology and
Internet services which includes custom database and application
development, website design, promotion and hosting, domain name
registration, turnkey e-commerce solutions, computer and peripheral sales
service and repairs, networks (LAN & WAN) and IT consulting. For
further information, please e-mail [email protected]
or telephone/fax 038 716 816 or see our website www.act.co.th
Successfully Yours: Captain
Rangsimun Vijitthomrong
Police Captain Rangsimun Vijitthomrong comes across as a
happy man. He is the Sub-inspector of the Pattaya Tourist Police and just
loves his job. Even after working six days a week, you can often find him at
work helping on his day off. When I first met him and began talking about his
job his eyes lit up, and with a big beaming smile he said, “I enjoy helping
many people. It’s a job that makes me smile and help and enjoy all at the
same time. It’s sanuk.” When I asked him directly why this was so, he
replied with a typical Thai response, “Because when I help someone I feel
happy. It makes me feel good inside to have a good heart, sabai jai.”
Good heart or not, the rise of this policeman through the
ranks has not been all sanuk. Captain Rangsimun has become no stranger to hard
work. Born the eldest of five children, he even interrupted his schooling to
help his parents support the younger children. After then completing high
school himself, he joined the regular police force and studied to obtain an MA
in Law, all done while working in the police force.
He took his MA at Thammasat University while working at Don
Muang Airport, a posting he found he thoroughly enjoyed. As a young man in
1980, he was a private in police patrol units in Bangkok for three years while
continuing his police studies. He was rewarded for this hard work in 1983 when
he was promoted to police constable in the traffic police. This was not a
posting where he then sat back to enjoy the pickings, but one where he worked
and studied for four more years.
Then, following six months’ more study, he was again
promoted, this time to lieutenant, and he transferred over to the tourist
police. In this new role, he worked in Phitsanulok for two years. I asked him
why the change of direction? “The work is more enjoyable. Generally, you are
not dealing with a lot of crime and you have much more opportunity to be of
help and service to people and improve the tourists’ image of Thailand at
the same time.” The emotion that came through with these words was very
obviously one of pride in his country and its international reputation.
After Phitsanulok he was sent to a more tourist oriented
location - Koh Samui, for one year. “That was a lot of fun too. Koh Samui is
a lot like Pattaya,” he said and laughed. However, he had not spent the time
lazing on the beach - there was hard work and study to do, which he completed,
ending up coming to Pattaya two months ago as another promotion to a three
star captain, truly a man on his way up.
So what does a sub-inspector in the tourist police have to
do in Pattaya? In his day-to-day job Captain Rangsimun is responsible for a
patrol unit of six officers and an area covering nine nearby provinces
including Pattaya, Chonburi, Rayong, Samut Prakan, Nakhon Nyoke and
Pratchinburi.
The Captain’s plans for the future are currently to stay
here and keep on doing more of the same. “I like it here very much. I want
to help people, and especially tourists who come to Thailand and want to stay
in Pattaya. I think it is very important for Thailand. I like to give good
service and help as much as I can.” Mind you, you cannot help thinking that
Captain Rangsimun would like wherever he was sent. He appears to be the sort
of person who is continually happy, laughing and positive and would find the
best features in any location.
Still a relatively young man, his hobbies tend towards the
physical, and probably represent a welcome break from the rigours of study. In
his free time he plays football with the Pattaya Tourist Police team, swims or
exercises.
The most important values to Captain Rangsimun, and
something he says he will teach his own children, are, “To work hard and
study hard and to be a good person. Have a good attitude, and being of help
and service is very important to your life.”
His definition of success is also similarly inclined
towards the better side of life and living. “Being successful does not mean
having heaps of possessions, but rather having a good life with a good family
and a good son.” This is one area of his life for which hard work and study
does not necessarily bring rewards. Ladies please take note, our captain is
currently single and lor maak (handsome) and not engaged. The good captain is
highly eligible, but before the queue forms outside the tourist police offices
on Pattaya Second Road, do remember that he is also a dedicated career police
officer.
His advice to the farangs who wish to set up in business
here is short but extremely appropriate, “Consult a lawyer.” From this man
of the sabai jai, this advice comes not just straight from the horse’s mouth
and years of study. That is the voice of experience telling you to make sure
you do work within the law!
Captain Rangsimun is an outstanding example of a happy,
positive, and intensely proud Thai man who just loves his work. He almost
makes me wish I was younger and single myself.
Snap Shots: Making
your photographs pay!
by Harry Flashman
One of the best photography books Harry Flashman ever
purchased was entitled “Shooting your way to a $million. A
photographer’s strategy for success” by Richard Sharabura, Chatsworth
Books Canada. ISBN 0-919099-00-9.
Now before you rush down to Bookazine - it is out of
print, though local photographer Ernie Kuehnelt managed to get a copy
through Amazon.com. However, there are other ways of making the magic
million dollars - and one of those is photo contests.
 Schoolgirls
in the wind by Steve Ringman
Steve Ringman, a photojournalist from Seattle, just
became a millionaire with the photo shown with this week’s article.
Steve entered a contest called the “Million Dollar Moment” promoted by
a group called photopoint.com and came away with the big prize. Lucky
Steve time!
Now while his shot is good and amusing, well exposed
and all the rest, it is really no better than many of the shots I have
seen stuck on darkroom walls in newspaper offices all over the world. That
shot is what any worthwhile photo-editor would expect from a staff
photographer. Harry has also seen equally as good shots in countless
amateur’s photo albums. If you are interested, the 80 finalists can be
seen if you go to the website
www.photopoint.com/gomillion/contest_finalists.html where you will be able
to judge for yourself.
Harry remembers the first photo contest he ever entered
was run by a motorcycle shop, so immediately combined feminine glamour
with a large motorcycle. You know the sort of thing - bouncy babe with
bountiful bazookas on a big bike. Had to win. Come judging day, and the
lady city councillor who had been asked to judge the contest chose a
picture of a baby in a pram in a park. Rule number one - when entering
photo contests find out first who the judges are going to be. It probably
is more important than the technical brilliance of the shots you send in!
And certainly should influence your choice of subject matter!
It was interesting looking through the 80 finalists -
there were some stunningly good colour shots amongst them, with vibrant
colours dragging your eye to the subject matter - but the one that got the
gold was a newspaper style Black and White shot. Just in being different
will always attract attention, and I do believe there is a resurgence in
B&W all over the world.
Of course, B&W really does belong in the realms of
the darkroom. This is a province where you can be your own Ansel Adams
(see Vol VIII No. 31) and manipulate your prints until you get precisely
the image, or effect that you want. However, it does take time and you get
a lot of chemicals on your trousers.
There are now B&W films that can be developed in
the usual C41 (colour film soup) chemicals, and as such can go into the
standard photo processors one hour machines. The end result is still,
however, somewhat “iffy” and tends towards Blue and White rather than
Black and White. However, that should not deter you from running a roll
through the camera one weekend. Taking shots in B&W makes you think
more about lighting and contrast, rather than just relying on the green
car showing up against the blue sky.
If you pretend to yourself that every shot you are
going to take is to enter into a photo competition, then you will start to
give each shot just a little more time in the setting up. Instead of
saying later when you get the prints back, “I should have left more of
the building in” you will look more critically through the viewfinder at
the time and correct the viewpoint before popping the shutter.
The other factor is to be on the lookout for the
different shots that can appear in front of you. Keep your camera handy
for that time. It could be the shot of a lifetime!
Remember that one photographer in Seattle just got one
million dollars for his shot, which really was f8 and be there! The
photojournalists’ creed.
Modern Medicine: Eye,
Eye, Sir!
by Dr Iain Corness
One question I have often been asked is whether doctors
treat themselves, or go to see other doctors like a regular patient? Some
people actually think that it is against the law for us to treat
ourselves. So what is the real situation?
Well firstly, it is against the law in most countries
for doctors to write out prescriptions for themselves for drugs of
addiction, for example. An antibiotic is not a problem, though; however,
most doctors have an adequate supply of samples not to need to write a
prescription anyway.
The vexed question is self diagnosis and treatment. Can
a doctor adequately diagnose conditions in him or herself? The answer is
generally yes, provided that the doctor can properly examine him or
herself. The thought of trying to check myself for piles, for example, is
ludicrous, as would be trying to check the back of my head for
subcutaneous scabies - and I don’t want either of them, thank you.
The thoughts about all this came the other day after I
found another condition I could not treat in myself - a ripe red
rip-roaring red eye. Awakening one morning with a painful eye, I found it
impossible to try and prise my eyelids open to actually look into my eyes
to do the diagnosis. Never the less, I gave it a good go, well rather an
educated guess is the correct answer and purchased some antibiotic eye
drops at the local chemist down the road. They weren’t the ones I
wanted, but were what he had. That was good enough.
But it wasn’t. By the next day I had an eye that
looked as if it had done ten rounds with Mike Tyson, but checking my ears
showed no evidence of injury so that diagnosis was incorrect. So it was
time I pocketed my pride and visited a doctor! Luckily my friend Dr.
Somchai, the ophthalmologist, was on duty at the hospital and he examined
my eye using the latest slit lamp equipment and he delivered the bad news
- I had a viral conjunctivitis, so antibiotic drops were quite useless
(but I had worked that out already)!
Dr. Somchai also told me the even better news that 90%
of these go into the other eye as well. This I do not relish, as I can
assure you that from my side of my eyeball, it is a very painful
condition. If I get it in both eyes it will be a case of attempting to
train my wife’s three month old puppy to be a seeing eye dog in ten
minutes, or painting my dear old Mum’s walking stick white. Surgical
antiseptic techniques are now the go. Scratch left eye with left hand only
and then wash hands - surgical scrub. Rub right (good) eye with right hand
only and wash hands again. Even if it does nothing to halt the disease,
I’m going to have the cleanest hands in town!
More next week.
 Dear
Hillary,
A few weeks ago you wrote that it was not a good idea
for ladies of breeding to go shopping, but that they should wait at home
and have the goods brought to them. Have you any idea what this has meant?
Now my daughter refuses to go to the shops and pick up a couple of bottles
of Leo because she thinks it is not lady-like. How do I convince her that
they don’t deliver beer in the som tum carts?
Leo lover
Dear Leo lover,
Life’s a bitch some days, that’s for sure! Have you
tried Chang instead? If you’d like to make that French champagne, then
Hillary will pick it up for you, in return for a slurp or several. Really
the answer is for you to stop being a couch potato and get your own beer.
I suppose you send your wife out to get your cigarettes too. Men!
Dear Hillary,
I’m your fan. Now I’ve got a problem. I have my own
house but no man. I need someone to talk to, someone to be good friend. I
like Farang but it seems like they don’t need a good girl. I love to
cook. I am a professional, but just don’t have time to go around and
look for a man. I’m 48 years old, but many said, “I look just like 35
years old.” If you know someone who is a good and kind man, please let
me know. Would you help me about this? If they want to be my friend, ok,
we can exchange stuff. If they want to meet me they can ask you. Thank you
for your kindness.
Sincerely Yours,
Ms. T
Dear Ms T,
You’ve got a problem honey. The line-up of good and
kind men is fairly small round these parts, and the queue to get a crack
at the good looking ones starts behind Hillary I’m afraid. However, I
have printed your letter, and if I get any response, I will pass it on.
Don’t sit by the phone too long though.
Dear Hillary,
I am distraught! You have given me advice on two
occasions already and I have followed it to the letter every time. When
you said last time that I should let Squirrel have more freedom at nights
and I should stay in more, then I did it, didn’t I? And now see what has
happened - my darling squirrel ran off with the cat next door who used and
abused her and discarded her lifeless body at my back door the next
morning. Hillary, I demand an apology and insist you publish a photo of
Squirrel, because I am just so upset.
Distraught
Dear Distraught,
You poor dear! Please don’t feel catty towards
Hillary, I feel like a rat already, and I wasn’t trying to make a bunny
out of you either. Hillary wasn’t lion when she said you had a problem,
Petal. Aaaahhh this is too much! Here’s your picture, cut it out and put
it in a frame over the mantelpiece - but just remember that Hillary warned
you these mixed marriages often don’t work. It’s hard enough trying to
get men and women to stay together!
Dear Hillary,
How do the local girls eat fried cockroaches? I see
great carts of them, along with beetles and scorpions. Surely they can’t
be good for them?
Amazed
Dear Amazed,
Actually it isn’t good for them - because they have
been killed by the time you see them on the carts, which doesn’t do much
for the creepy crawlies at all, I’m sure. However, if you were talking
about the girls, they eat them very easily. Generally it is just a case of
opening the mouth and popping it in, Poppet. They’re good at it. Our
girls thrive on the little creatures. I am led to believe that scorpions
in particular are reputedly good for the blood. By the way, they are not
cockroaches, darling - they are actually water beetles! Try one.
Dear Hillary,
Do people really write in with all these ridiculous
questions? The one about the potpourri user on the way to the 7-11 must
have been made up, surely.
Unbeliever
Dear Philistine,
Why was her question any more ridiculous than yours? If
people are good enough to ask for Hillary’s advice, the least Hillary
can do is to answer their queries. In answer to your question - do people
write in? They do. They also fax and they email. Now, if you’re
satisfied, Hillary will get on with the real work of helping genuine old
ladies across the road to the 7-11. Do you want anything while I’m down
there, Petal?
GRAPEVINE
|
Unexpected answer
A farang tourist has had a medical insurance
claim questioned after underwriters spotted something odd in the
submitted reports. Following a minor road accident in Pattaya Nua,
tourist Herbert Galsworthy was rushed by paramedics, all sirens
screaming, to a local hospital. On the way, he was asked if he was
unconscious and apparently replied, “No, I am ****ing dead”. A
spokeswoman for Hotline Premium World Insurance said, “The paperwork
is not in order. There is an obligation on claimants to tell the truth
whether they are able to do so or not.” Mavis Galsworthy said the
whole episode was rather puzzling as her husband was totally uninjured
in the incident.
Stick from Russia
In the sustained crackdown to keep South
Pattaya free of illegal sex shows and prostitution, five more Russian
women have been deported for nude dancing on stage and beckoning
likely looking customers with a black object which looked suspiciously
like a whip. Ringleader Yussova Ngornavitch, known locally in the
strip as Bearded Betty, said the deportations were both unfair and
unnecessary. “We were just tourists helping out without pay. The
black stick used in the show was merely to point out to the bartenders
which customers wanted another drink.” A representative of Air
Moscow confirmed the five women had left on Monday’s flight but
could not confirm the whereabouts of any stick or whip.
Hope for cable viewers
In a determined attempt to clip the wings of
leading satellite company UBC, whose subscriber base is mostly in
Bangkok, Thailand’s sixty or so cable TV companies have formed an
alliance to buy commercially attractive programs from abroad such as
Turner Classic Movies, CNN and Star Sports. The strange thing is, of
course, that these very same channels are currently being shown by
some cable operators up and down the realm. But they have not started
paying for them yet. If they ever do abandon piracy, expect the
typical cable rental rates of 300 - 400 baht a month to zoom upwards.
Finest Thai Food
GEOC (Grapevine Eating Out Collective), a humble grouping
and not to be confused with the professional gourmet writer in this
newspaper Miss Terry Diner, this week made a surprise visit to Somsak
Restaurant in Soi One. What a delightful place this really is. A great
ambience, great food and a great welcome from Khun Somsak himself. The
Penang curries just cannot be bettered and nothing is too much trouble
if you have a special request such as vegetarian options, or if you
can remember a dish but can’t track the name on the menu. Very good
coffee and the house favorite of fried ice cream will conclude a fine
Thai dining experience. As an extra bonus, produce your Pattaya Sports
Club membership card for a special discount.
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Shoes news
Thailand, let alone Pattaya, hasn’t yet
cracked the problem of stylish shoes in men’s big sizes, i.e. the
sort you want to wear on a posh evening out or to attend a meeting.
Reader VS passes on the hint that Marks and Spencer, for example in
Central Department Stores in Bangkok, now have black and brown dress
shoes up to size 12 or Euro 47. So, if you’re really desperate and
down at heel, a special journey to the Big Mango is a distinct
possibility. A great pity that neither Lotus, nor other Pattaya
megastores, seem to be stocking sizes bigger than Euro 44. VS adds
that Marks and Spencer also have for sale a fair range of British
potato crisps, biscuits, chocolate delights and tea bags. But expect
to pay for the hefty import taxes.
The Bridge Club
A new cleaner quit her job in a US bridge
club. “Yes, they pays good wages but it was the most ridiculous
place I ever did work in. They plays a game called bridge and last
night there was a lot of folks there. As I was about to bring in some
refreshments, I heard a man say, ‘Lay down and show me what you
got’. I nearly dropped the tray. Another man he says, ‘I got
length but no strength’. Then a man says to a lady ‘Take your hand
off my trick’. I pretty near dropped dead. Just then a lady says,
‘You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one
raise.’ Another lady was talking about her honor. Well, I just got
on my coat and hat and, as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of
‘em didn’t say, ‘Well I guess we’ll go home now. This is the
last rubber.”
Mother of inventions
The following have all been patented and
could be coming soon to your favorite store:
Artificial Spray On Dirt (fools people you’ve
been hard at work)
The Two Potato Clock (time running out for this
one)
Insecticide Pantyhose (repels interior crawling pests)
The Rat Bell (he rings it when hungry)
Bird Diaper (it speaks for itself)
Motorized Bar Stool (could be popular in Pattaya)
Racing Horse Spectacles (don’t bet on it)
Tailpiece
Mr Keith corrected a Grapevine item about
retirement visas in his letter published in Pattaya Mail on August 4.
Just one thought Mr Keith. Once you have a non-immigrant visa, you
don’t need to wait 90 days before applying at a Thai immigration
office. You can start the ball rolling immediately, thus reducing the
amount of time you will have to wait for approval. |
Dining Out: Japanese
Corner - Sokitoomi
by Miss Terry Diner
There are not so many Japanese restaurants in Pattaya,
which is surprising, looking at the number of Japanese tourists and the
popularity of this type of food. However, it was not surprising to find that
the Royal Cliff Beach Resort had its own Japanese corner, called simply The
Japanese Corner in the Royal Cliff Grand.
With Madame being indisposed, the Dining Out Team of Miss
Terry and this time a male companion descended (literally, as you go
downstairs) into the Japanese world. The area has Japanese lanterns, natural
wood furniture, black topped tables with a bonsai on each and a porcelain
chopsticks rest and Japanese chopsticks, a lovely waitress in a kimono and
waiters similarly attired in Japanese jackets. The atmosphere was right, if
nothing else.
The menu is not large, but does encompass the range of
different items expected in a Japanese restaurant. It begins with appetizers,
all with their Japanese names and, thankfully, an English translation. These
run in the 90-160 baht region with BBQ chicken skewers, deep fried marinated
chicken or octopus, prawn salad and fresh soya bean.
The next section has the expected sashimi and sushi in
small or large servings (around 180 baht small to 350 baht large) including
raw fish, combination sushi, salmon roll and California cone roll.
Next up are five Teppanyaki choices (110-540 baht) from
fried rice to chicken, sliced pork and fillet of beef.
 The
next section is well thought out, with four set menus for those who may be a
trifle unsure of what to order, and in which order! Between 280-420 baht and
you get salad, a main dish, Miso soup and fruit.
Finally there are nine a la carte dishes (110-390 baht)
with several Teriyaki items, a couple of Tempura dishes and some rice dishes.
A couple of desserts and that is it.
There is also the Royal Cliff’s cellar for wines, but on
that evening we decided to go Japanese all the way, with hot Saki to go with
our choices. Also on the table were a glass of cold water and hot Japanese
tea.
We began with salmon roll sushi which was presented with
the Wasabe and soy sauce dip. Miss Terry did her usual trick of smearing the
Wasabe on the sushi - just love that aromatic kick in the back of the nose
from the pungent green paste!
From there we progressed on to three very large and meaty
chicken skewers, served with their own special soy sauce. Eating Japanese food
is an ideal time to discuss business or any other topics. Small “bite
sized” items and an ever replenished Saki container certainly helping to
loosen up the conversation!
We next had the Miso soup - and it was excellent. One of
the best! Deep fried prawns were next on our list, with a goodly number of
very large prawns in a melting batter and another special soy sauce to go with
them.
At that stage we were joined by the General Manager, Andrew
Wood, who suggested the Teppanyaki fillet of beef. This came on a sizzling
platter with carrots, cauliflower, baby corn and asparagus spears. The sauces
to accompany this were three - a soy and chopped parsley, Miso sauce and a
mayonnaise and herb. This was an inspired choice (or maybe he’s eaten there
before!), the meat tender and for me, the parsley sauce just sensational!
Thank you, Andrew.
Dining at the Royal Cliff is always a “royal”
experience. In fact, as my dinner partner remarked, the service is almost too
good. Nothing is ever out of place. One almost wishes the waitress would drop
something just to show she was a mere mortal! At one stage in the evening,
Miss Terry received a phone call - the phone being brought over placed on a
napkin adorning a tray. Style, elegance and class, and I loved it. So will
you, when you try the Japanese Corner. Just be careful with the Saki! It can
be (was) lethal.
Animal Crackers:
Alpacas
by Mirin
MacCarthy
The Alpaca, looking for all the world like a miniature
furry giraffe, migrated to South America about three million years ago,
after the last ice age, and took up residence in the Andean highlands. In
actual fact, the Alpaca’s nearest family relations are the camel and the
llama but they are only distant cousins and not the same animal. The llama
is bigger and stronger, and weighing in twice as much at 150 kg, is used as
a pack animal, while the Alpaca is bred for its soft cashmere-like fibre
which was once reserved for Incan royalty.
 The
Alpacas were a cherished treasure for the ancient Incan Indians and played a
central part in their culture. The Alpaca fleece is soft as cashmere but
warmer, lighter and stronger than wool and it comes in many natural colours.
Far from being a wild animal, for about the last six
thousand years the South American Indians of Peru, Bolivia and Chile have
been domesticating the Alpaca’s ancestors - the wild Vicuna, into the
present day small, gentle Alpacas. Now their popularity is becoming
internationally recognized. Their fleece is favoured by spinners and weavers
world wide for both the texture and the various colours of true non-fading
black through to a brilliant white, with reds, roans, pintos, browns, fawns,
rose and charcoal greys.
If you live in the country with grass that needs
trimming, Alpacas make great pets. They have a life span of about 18 - 20
years, stand about one metre at the shoulder and a metre and a half at the
head. They are good munchers and chew their cud like cows and sheep, but are
very efficient and only need 2-3 bales of grass hay per month.
Alpacas are very gentle and curious and quickly become
devoted to humans. They communicate with body language in a series of ear
and tail positions, much like a cat, and make humming sounds that change to
shrill alarm calls when threatened by predators.
They are also cute, safe, disease resistant, intelligent,
and easy to train. In just four to five repetitions they will learn many
skills such as accepting a halter, being led and loading into a van.
Suitable for rearing in most climates, in very hot places such as here,
yearly shearing is required as well as shade and misting or sprinkling. In
very cold climates closed barns are recommended, but in most other places a
three sided shelter is all that is necessary.
The breed is becoming popular with some hobby farmers who
even run Alpacas as an investment. Apparently the average fibre production
is 8 kg each year for an adult Alpaca, which sells in a clean washed state
for approximately U.S.$8 per ounce or $512 per fleece. When you think about
it, Alpacas may be the ideal outdoor lifestyle, stress free investment that
you can ever hug!
Down The Iron Road:
Automatic Train Control Systems
by John D.
Blyth
Introduction
In earlier years, safety of train operation depended on
correct work by the signalmen, who were progressively given more and more
safeguards against errors they might make, and the driver, who, other than
the need to observe and obey the line-side signals, were virtually
unprotected; this caused many experimental devices to be tried out to give
drivers some kind of audible warning or - especially - distant signals a
‘Caution’. The French had a system based on their use of the Flagman
recorder and afterwards scrutinised - thus it was disciplinary rather than
positive. The German ‘Indusi” system operates by an electric current,
but other than that it makes a positive brake application. Little has been
published on it. In Britain, a few systems were tried, before and after the
1914-1918 War, but one was adopted to any extent; this had been developed by
the Great Western Railway and was eventually made very reliable and the
railway’s safety record over a long period is evidence of its success.
The Great Western A.T.C. System
The system depended essentially on contact between a ramp
fixed between the rails and a shoe on the underside of the locomotive. Ramps
were usually laid about 200 yards to the rear of a distant signal, the arm
of which, when moved to ‘off’ closed a switch causing electric current
to pass through the ramp, which otherwise was ‘dead’. Passing over the
ramp caused the shoe to rise a small amount, which operated an air horn and
admitted air to the train pipe of the vacuum brake system, causing the
brakes to be applied until lifting a cancelling handle by the driver stopped
both actions. Current from an energised ramp at a clear signal rang a bell
and prevented the brake horn sounding when the signal was ‘Clear’ - in
all my years on the lines of that former company I knew of one, where the
bell had sounded when the signal was at ‘Caution’ and this took some
finding as it would not repeat the error ‘to order’, but did so about
three weeks later and then it revealed its secret fault.
The main faults of this long-used system were twofold:
one was that in cold weather, ice on the surface of the ramp could prevent
the proper passage of current and brake applications would result where they
should not; the second, uncorrected for years, was that the cancelling
handle could be wedged in the ‘cancel’ position, which would take out of
use all the safety features in the device. This was one more common than I
like to think, but I am certain it wasn’t done during the night, nor
during periods of fog, falling snow or heavy rain - in other words, bad
visibility.
The Hudd System
This was developed on the Tilbury to Southend section,
and was actually being installed on the Glasgow to Edinburgh line in 1939
when stopped by the war. It did not depend on contact between the track
apparatus and that on the locomotive, but on magnetic action; much of the
technology was like the Great Western, but it sounded a horn for both
‘Caution’ and ‘Clear’ indications and this was not favoured. No more
work on either installation seems to have been carried after the war ended.
Progress on British Railways
Following the end of the war little was done for some
time on A.T.C., due to lack of money. Public demand arose after any serious
accidents, but it was not until the terrible triple collision at Harrow,
Middlesex, in October 1952, that it was plain that priority had to be given
to a suitable and reliable train control system. Former Great Western men
could see little wrong with their well-tried system, but others could see
the difficulties with snow and ice on ramp and shoe, a problem even in the
south of England, which would render the system unworkable for long periods
of much more severe northern weather.
The Eastern Region of British Railways accordingly took
the Hudd System and proceeded to develop it, using the main line from
King’s Cross (London) to the north as a testing ground, and a system
evolved, using permanent and electro-magnets to act from the track to the
locomotive equipment. Approaching each Distant Signal was installed a
permanent magnet, only energised when the Distant Signal was in the
‘Clear’ position; the two magnets were of opposed polarity, so that the
second, when energised, cancelled out the effect of the first. Thus, with
the signal at ‘Caution’ and the electro-magnet dead, the permanent
magnet would initiate a warning sound and a brake application, whilst for a
train moving at more than a slow speed, the action of the energised second
magnet would cancel the brake and the horn and another circuit would ring a
bell. An innovation was a visible reminder, a black disc when all was clear,
but turning to yellow and black when the last indication had been passing of
a signal at ‘Caution’.
This simple and not too expensive system was installed
over hundreds of miles of British main line railways and the lives saved
must be considerable. It survived the change-over from semaphore to
four-aspect colour light signals, at first designed for maximum speeds of 90
mph maximum, but recent events show that with the norm on many main lines
now being raised to 125 mph (and soon to 140 mph) the spacing of the
signals, each with its own track equipment, is such that it is hard for
drivers to cancel each warning - and to observe (just as important) each and
every signal indication. A.T.C. - or A.W.S. as it is now called, is not a
substitute for the line-side signals - it is an aid to the driver to locate
and obey them.
Accidents will still happen, whatever we do. Some years
ago the driver of an electric suburban train with no passengers was
following a slower moving train of empty vans; each signal he passed gave
him a warning on the A.W.D., which he duly cancelled as he should, but at
some stage he stopped looking at the signals; too late to stop he realised
the next one was at ‘Danger’ and he was too close to stop.
Some may recall the disaster to a Swansea-Paddington
train at Southall, which ran at full speed through the middle of a train of
empty goods wagons. This was a combination of circumstances: the A.W.S. had
failed; there was supposedly no time to turn the train around, as it was in
order at the other end; the driver was wrongly ordered to take it out in
this faulty condition, and without a second man with him in the cab, he was
probably going faster than the 100 mph permitted under the circumstances
(which would have made very little difference). He failed to observe,
unaided, some of a welter of signals, all of which he ought to have seen and
found himself on top of the freight train and on the way straight through.
It was a chapter of wrong decisions!
I’m sorry there are no pictures this week but this is
not a spectacular subject; there will be some next week, after which we will
leave signalling for a spell. I have a good article with much more detail
than I can manage, by a good friend, Allan Garraway, who was much involved
in development of A.W.S for B.R. Anyone interested is welcome to a copy for
15 baht in low value stamps. Write to me at P.O. Box 97, here in Pattaya.
Woman’s World
by Lesley Warner
People often say to me, “How do you keep your nails so
nice? Do you do them yourself?” Well the answer is yes, I do my own nails but
I have to work at it; they aren’t naturally nice. Sometimes they flake or
split and they’re very soft. I don’t have the time to go to one of the many
good beauty salons that we have in Pattaya. So I have put together a few
homemade nail and hand treatments you might like to try.
If you have short nails, don’t cut the middle, only cut the
sides to make them look longer. File nails beginning on the sides and brushing
towards the center, using light strokes. Don’t ever file nails back and forth,
it will weaken or break the nails.
Don’t use your nails or blades to remove nail varnish, use
only a good quality nail polish remover.
Try keeping your nail polish in the fridge to keep it smooth
and only use thin coats to stop bubbling. Use a topcoat that contains an
ultraviolet inhibitor to prevent pale polish from turning yellow. Make sure you
wear a base coat under the polish to prevent yellow and stained nails. You could
try vinegar as a base, to make your nail polish last a little longer on your
nails.
Mix white iodine and castor oil in equal amounts and massage
cuticles; it will help them to stay smooth.
To dry your polish faster, after approximately 30 seconds dip
your fingers in cold water.
Mix 1 packet of unflavored gelatin with 1 tbsp of petroleum
jelly, store in an airtight container at room temperature. Massage into nails
daily to help them grow long and strong. Petroleum jelly is especially good for
dry brittle nails; you can also try a waxy lip balm or vitamin E capsule. For
shiny nails use olive oil.
Buff your nails to stimulate the circulation of blood, which
feeds the nail bed. Buff in one direction only or nails become overheated.
Add a teaspoon of salt to half a glass of cold water and dip
fingernails in this for 2 minutes. The salt helps to strengthen the nails. Rub
olive oil into your cuticles to encourage nail growth. The oil and massaging
action should promote strong healthy nails.
Wet fingertips with water and dip them into cornmeal. Massage
and rinse with warm water. Buff nails with a nailbrush while rinsing to make
sure you remove all the cornmeal. Dry thoroughly and apply hand cream.
For softening the cuticle, try 2-tbspn fresh pineapple juice,
1 egg yolk, 1/2 tspn vinegar, 1/2 tspn glycerin, and 1 tsp rosewater. Mix
together and soak nails for 15 minutes. Any mixture left over can be kept in the
fridge for next time.
Massage almond oil and sugar into your hands and leave for 5
minutes then wash off; your hands feel wonderfully soft. Alternatively, try
mixing lemon juice, rosewater and fresh butter then massage into the hands.
Try lemon juice in barley powder and apply on finger joints
to get rid of the darkness.
Mix 1 tbsp. of glycerin, 1 tbsp. of lemon juice and 5 drops
of rosewater and store it in bottle. Massage this oil after your house work and
wash after 30 minutes. It will keep your hands smooth.
Apply a thick layer of hand cream before applying rubber
gloves then wash your dishes in hot water. The heat will make the hand cream
soak in and your hands will feel ultra soft.
Mash cucumber and massage your hands with it and wash off
after 10 minutes.
If your hands are black, mix turmeric in olive oil and
massage to hands and wash with basin flour or mild soap.
If your elbows are dark and hard, mix glycerin with lemon
juice and apply on elbows. It will remove the darkness and keep elbows smooth.
Nightmarch
Where are some of the cheapest and best places in Pattaya to
eat breakfast? In some ways this is a bit of a misnomer. Considering most
ex-pats and the vast majority of tourists seem to develop nocturnal habits when
in Fun City, most of the time ‘Breakfast’ is actually closer to Lunch. That
is, by the time punters have awoken from their slumbers ready to meet yet
another day in paradise, the sun is high in the sky and the early birds are
already lining up tomorrow’s worms.
A personal favourite is Seaside 2 in Soi Chaiyapoom. They do
a breakfast called the ‘Full House’ that consists of a mug of tea or coffee,
two pieces of toast, two eggs any style, bacon, fried potatoes, fried tomato and
either sausages or baked beans for just 65 baht.
The Shamrock (Pattayaland Soi 2) has a popular breakfast of
tea or coffee, two pieces of toast, two eggs, bacon, mushrooms and fried
potatoes for 60 baht.
On a more basic front, Cafe Amsterdam (next door to BJ’s at
the northern end of Beach Road) does two fried eggs, toast, bacon and tea or
coffee for a measly 45 baht while The Waffle in Soi Day-Night 2 (down the road
from the Flamingo Hotel) does the same, plus a glass of orange juice, for a
miserly 50 baht.
In the Hot Spots: Just when I thought I’d found the
most ridiculously priced Lady Drinks in town (at 110 baht in the boozers beside
the Pier) I received a message that no less than three beer boozers in Soi 7 and
Soi 8 were allegedly snipping the wallets of customers who purchased Lady Drinks
for the princely sum of 120 baht. Unless the elixir is served chilled in a
crystal goblet and accompanied by former members of the Vienna Boys Choir
singing a medley of classical tunes while acrobats jump naked through lighted
hoops, I’d have to say you’d be crazy to purchase a Lady Drink. However, on
a personal inspection I was told that the Lady Drinks in these bars are 95 baht
(still on the hefty side) but that cocktails range between 120 and 150 baht. In
other words, if you offer the girl of your dreams a Lady Drink and she comes
back bearing a glass filled with multi-coloured giggle juice topped by a garish
umbrella then I suggest you look elsewhere for female company because she’s
going to cost you a fortune.
Seen Around Town: The Jan Bar, run by the Aussie duo of
Roundy and Bob, has been around for about nine years and, apart from its famous
T-Shirt, one of its trademarks is a liver destroyer called the Dingo’s
Dropkick. Not your ordinary shooter, this lethal concoction consists of equal
parts of Baileys, Creme de Menthe and Jagermeister. Just writing about it is
enough to give me a hangover. Not recommended for the faint-hearted. Quaff one
of these and you’ll feel like you’ve been mugged by a pack of rabid
Dingo’s.
Living in Thailand: Despite claims to the contrary,
contracts written in English are valid in Thailand.
In the Hot Spots: The New Sexy 2001 (Walking Street) has
been open for a couple of weeks now and is definitely the place to go if you are
a spirits drinker, as Vodka and Gin are priced at 69 baht. Lady Drinks are 90
baht while bottles of the amber fluid go off at 95 baht. The latter two are
fairly standard prices for South Pattaya. It’s nice to see a den that wants to
attract the spirit imbibers instead of the amber fluiders for a change.
In the Hot Spots: With many of the ladies who generally
work nocturnal hours being adept at picking up the basics of the English
language and thereby capable of following many conversations, the last bastion
for the native English speaker to cover his tracks in mixed company is by the
use of colloquialisms and slang. One of the best I’ve heard is the use of
‘Sierra Tango’ to refer to bars where a ‘short time’ is the preferred
mode of conducting business with the female staff.
My e-mail address is: [email protected]
Copyright 2000 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected] |
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