Another sign that low season is upon us are the numbers of ogling dens starting to overflow with dancing maidens. One of the incongruities of life in Fun Town, is that during times of plenty (of foreign wallets that is) many dens struggle to keep up the numbers of dancers they want because many of the lasses find it so much easier and less hassle to go freelancing rather than be subjected to working set hours and days.

However, when low season strikes and Walking Street becomes akin to a ghost town with tumbleweeds rolling down the thoroughfare rather than lurching imbibers, many of the freelancers like to sign on for a month or two of chrome pole hugging, thereby guaranteeing a steady income.

A Football Asylum: For those people who happen to be football (soccer) fanatics but don’t want to leave the confines of a boozer in order to enjoy a game and get some exercise, then Table Football is for you.

About the size of a pinball machine, a Table Football device comes with eight rods with handles stretched through the table and protruding through the sides. Inside the table are coloured wooden carvings (made to resemble players, although from what planet, let alone team, I have no idea) attached to the rods. The idea of the game is to use these rods to move your players back and forth and hit a ball through the rods of your opponent and score ‘goals’.

If you fancy a game or three of Table Football then take a wander down to The Asylum beer boozer and noshery (Soi Chaiyapoom) and challenge big Rob.

I possess all the physical co-ordination of an overweight duck on Valium so Rob beat me with one hand tied behind his back, but if you fancy your chances then get down to The Asylum and take the test. If you manage to beat Rob, he might just shout you a beer or swear at you in Cymric.

For my next trick: Most people who visit Fun Town expect to be able to sit quietly at an outside beer boozer and be pestered around 800 times an hour by the forlorn multitude of watch sellers, shoe shiners, cigarette floggers, carpet baggers, gum toddlers, flower peddlers, photo snappers and others too numerous to mention.

However, being almost poleaxed by a runaway motorbike is not usually part of an evening of entertainment.

A few weeks ago, a young lady turned the key to start her Yamaha Vino but, before she had time to mount and take control of the motorised steed, it reared up onto its back wheel and took off under its own power in the direction of the assembled drinkers in the Viking beer boozer (front of Pinewood Condo, up from Soi 6).

Thankfully, its path was impeded by the presence of a couple of Formica tables and chairs and as it ploughed into them, the bike did a pirouette worthy of Baryshnikov before crashing to the ground with a whine.

The Vino - a Japanese make with an Italian name - designed to run on Lambrusco and Chianti rather than petrol, had been ‘in gear’ when the young lass started it up, thereby leading to its solo one-wheeled performance.

Tartar, the Viking’s mascot, resident monkey and tourist attraction, was not amused by the spectacle, choosing instead to offer his own diversion by reverting to his party piece of guzzling milk from a baby’s bottle while at the same time responding to the call of nature.

Worth staking out: The Shenanigans lounge lizard libation room and gentleman’s noshery (Second Road end of Royal Garden Plaza) recently introduced what garrulous landlord and music aficionado Kim Fletcher terms a ‘Monday Night Steak Out’. The deal is quite simple. You get a soup of the day for starters, with Shenanigans homemade bread (very tasty), and then the main meal of a 400-gram T-bone steak, salad and chips all for the ridiculously low price of 195 baht (and there’s no + + added to that).

Anyone who knows me is well aware that while I am a completely hopeless boozer (Andy from the Misty’s ogling den can attest to that), I have hollow legs when it comes to nosh and can put away more than the gross national product of New Zealand on a good night. However, the steak out left me feeling like Mr. Creosol, the fat man in the Monty Python movie, The Meaning of Life, just before he explodes.

But wait...there’s more. Shenanigans offers all patrons a Free Discount Card that entitles the user to 10% off all booze and 15% off all nosh consumed. All you have to do is supply two passport-sized photographs (one of which is put on your card so the waitresses can get a good laugh and the other is sent to Interpol), fill in a form (made simple, this is an Irish pub after all) and you’re in business. Basically what this means is that the cost of something like the Steak Out is reduced to around 166 baht, absolutely sensational value in Fun Town.

Up to you, your holiday: The Up 2 You beer boozer, situated in the clump of bars at the Second Road end of Soi 7, has Chang Beer at 45 baht, Heineken at 60 baht and soft drinks for 35 baht. The boss is a friendly Norwegian and the working wenches are usually lively and cheerful. Worth dropping in, but then again, it’s up to you, your holiday.

The Royal Cliff Wine Club through the GM of the Royal Cliff Grand, Ranjith Chandrasiri, has organized a Gourmet Wine Dinner for its members and their friends. This will be held in the Grill Room of the Royal Cliff Beach Resort and will be addressed by Bob Fredson, the award winning wine maker from California, noted for his Domaine St. George labels.

Six wines have been chosen to complement the special menu chosen by the executive chef of the Royal Cliff, Walter Thenisch, and Fredson has already indicated his enthusiasm and excitement at coming over to Thailand for this exclusive dinner. The wines include three Chardonnays, a Merlot and two Cabernet Sauvignons and with items on the menu such as pan-seared ahi tuna on bell pepper infused mashed potatoes served with red onion confit, mango relish and balsamic syrup, this will obviously be one of those memorable evenings.

The Pattaya Mail’s Miss Terry Diner will be attending, but for your own first-hand experience contact the Royal Cliff (tel. 250 421) to reserve your place, and remember that Wine Club members receive a 10% discount.

Cafe New Orleans, one of Pattaya’s most popular and successful restaurants, announces its “Fourth of July Barbecue Festival”. The restaurant, located on Soi Pattayaland 2 between Walking Street and the Royal Garden Plaza, is offering both Americans and everyone from all nationalities a varied choice of barbecued specialties in honor of the American Independence Day. On July 3, 4, and 5, the special menu will offer BBQ ribs, prepared and served in a distinct and unusual manner. Also, BBQ Chicken, American style or BBQ Red Snapper. All dishes will be served with plenty of side potatoes and vegetables. In addition, all meal selections will include Andouille Sausage and Ham gumbo as well as Tuna Salad Nicoise. All for only B495, and outstanding bargain in honor of the American holiday. Make your reservations to guarantee a table at 710-805/6.