Dear Hillary,
One of the older women at work seems to have taken a shine to me, stops to chat at my desk and has told me that she is not married and does not have a Thai boyfriend. I see her every day and joking I said we should go out one afternoon for some fun. She always says “next year”, and it has been left at that. Today she asked me what I was doing on Saturday or Sunday and I said I was busy. She then floored me by saying, “OK, next week,” and I think she meant it, not like her “next years”. How do I find out what she meant? Should I go ahead and say a day next week? If she doesn’t really mean it, would I embarrass her? Have I put my foot right in it?
Jeb

Dear Jeb,
This lady has been giving you all the hints that any mature man should recognize. I read that she is an older woman, and I think you must be a younger man, or at least someone who is not very worldly wise. If you want to go out with her one afternoon for fun (as you put it), then just agree on a day. If she doesn’t really mean it, then she will give you an excuse as to why it is not possible. Lighten up, my Petal. Just enjoy life as it comes, and remember that old wines in old bottles can be better than new wines in new bottles.

Dear Hillary,
I’m not one of your heart broken people. I’m delighted that my girlfriend has said she wants to go off with some German chappie she has met, promising to take her to Germany. I don’t care if he’s real or not. We’d been together three months and every day the hand was out for more money and more money. She is a good lookin’ babe, but so are lots of others. Should I give her something as a “going away” present, or just let her take her things and disappear to Germany? I put nothing in her name or anything stupid like that.
Jerry

Dear Jerry,
You’ve just escaped, Petal. You were not together long enough for her to have any real hold on your belongings. Help her to go over to the German boyfriend she is looking for. B. 100 for the motorcycle taxi should be enough.

Dear Hillary,
Did you get the champers I sent you? Got it in Qatar and sent it to you by registered post to make sure you got it.
Dave

Dear Dave,
No sweet pea, definitely no bubbly, but I don’t believe you are real (in fact how about a ‘go hok’?). You can’t get champagne or wines in many Middle East countries, and nobody, but nobody tries to send bottles of wine by the post. In Qatar, you can drink in a hotel, but you need a permit to buy alcohol by the bottle. You must use your permit to buy only in the official alcohol distribution center, the organization that sells the permits. Unfortunately you are not allowed into the center without a permit to go and buy the permit. A real Catch 22. There must be ways around it, but it’s not easy. Nice try Dave. Next time bring it to me in person, that’s a good boy.

Dear Hillary,
I’ve done it again, falling in love with a Thai woman who has happily ripped me off, while smiling. No wonder they call this place the land of smiles. With what they’ve got out of me, half of Isaan should be smiling, or at least financially better off. I thought I had met Miss Right. She always seemed so pleased to see me, but I think it was my bank account she was smiling at. I know I did not know her very long, but I honestly thought it would be better for us to be together while we got to know each other better, and keep her away from the bars. That was a dumb idea, as all it did was get her to know my financial state better, which is now a lot worse when she left taking as much as she could carry, and then some, what with motorcycle and house in her name. This is really just a warning for other poor saps, as I know you can’t get the money and stuff back for me. But how do you get some honest company round here?
Rip Toff

Dear Rip Toff,
I am sorry to hear of all this heartbreak, and a broken piggy bank too. Some people are slow learners, my Petal. There is nothing wrong with that, but you should know yourself better by this stage in your life. I am sorry that your Miss Right turned into Miss Left Nothing, and I appreciate your trying to warn others to be more careful, but you are the person you should be warning, before all others. And to meet “honest company”? The same places you do in your country, and that’s not the bars either.