This year, the competition was held at the Town-In-Town Hotel and has become world-renowned.
For Teetha to say that her presence has made it so would be immodest, so she won’t say it.
Teetha was in a quandary as to what to wear. Teetha’s friend and genius designer, Mince Aphai, always a source of inspiration, suggested that Teetha use ‘spirits’ as her theme outfit.
Of course, Teetha realizes that everyone is not as
well-versed in history as she is but she forgives them. Tomorrow she may feel differently.
The word ‘spirits’ for alcoholic beverages came from our ancestors. Whenever someone drank, they always became ‘different’. This led them to believe that spirits lived in all bottles of alcoholic beverages. Thus was the name ‘spirit’ for strong drink coined. Anyhoo.
Teetha decided to put together an outfit which would symbolize the ‘spirit’ of the evening.
So, having visited many hotels with many different.....never mind.
Anyway, Teetha has dozens of those little bottles which you find in the refrigerators. Using lovely gilded string, Teetha made a necklace of bottles. This represented one aspect of spirits. To complete the meaning of the word and being a great fan of Shakespeare, Teetha decided that her tulle curtains in the kitchen had to go. Taking the gauzy fabric, she made a lovely dress in the style of Titania, queen of the fairies from ‘A Midsommer Nacht’s Dream’. Completing her toilette with a wreath of tinsel in her mane of hair, Teetha was truly a vision.
Leaving the house, she had her usual cans of Mace. But those awful dogs had figured out who was not only ‘queen of the fairies’ but also ‘queen of the soi.’ Immediately they saw her, the pack bolted, like... Even Teetha’s nemesis, blitzkrieg, that awful Pit-Bull-Doberman, had his tail between his legs.
Walking into the Town-In-Town, Teetha’s outfit drew gasps of admiration from everyone. Of course, all the young women bartenders were dressed in revealing Hawaiian outfits. Most would think that this would draw interest. But Teetha knows it’s what you don’t show that’s much more important.
Young nubile, female bodies are no match for high art. So there!
Where has fashion sense gone these days?
The young male bartenders had it all wrong. They were dressed in much too much clothing. Nothing but cloth from their necks to their ankles. Everyone knows that the great sculptors concentrated on the male body as the true paragon beauty. What is the world coming to these days?
Teetha glided in, all eyes on her. Her necklace of sparkling bottles clinked melodiously and her diaphanous and gauzy outfit lifted gently with every little breeze.
Actually, the judges were divided into two groups. One group who judged the skill of the bartenders and another slavering group who judged the best ‘Miss Hawaii’.
You can guess which group Teetha was in. She didn’t want to tell anyone that the Hawaiian’s didn’t have alcohol. Knowing a lot about US history is so painful.
The first prize given was that of ‘Best
Personality’. This was awarded to a female bartender, to Miss, uh, Wannee Panthong,
of the Royal Orchid Hotel. Her ‘personality’ was indeed expansive. The next
award was given to the ‘Miss Hawaii’ bartender. Anusra Chomskul of the Royal
Cliff Beach Resort. She was universally acclaimed for her drink mixing while engaged in
convoluted contortions which were supposed to be a Hula. Whether it was the Hawaiian or
Tahitian Hula, Teetha knew not. The Hawaiian is slow and seductive and the Tahitian, fast
and zippy. This was somewhere in between. By this time, Teetha had had three drinks of her
own concoction, which she calls a Zombette. She felt no pain and was waiting for
things to heat up.
Well, the winner of the Grand Prize was, who would have guessed, Ms. Nittaya Bualop of the Montien Hotel.
Teetha ordered another Zombette.
Teetha, ever fair, thought that the poor male bartenders should be consoled. The women’s outfits, uh, skills were pushing the men out of the contest. With a great deal of persuasion and a few veiled threats to the other judges Teetha did manage to get them to see the error of their ways.
Teetha perked up a bit when she saw that two men did win second and third place in the bartender contest. The other judges had seen the light and knew Teetha would not hesitate to broadcast their most intimate secrets all over Pattaya.
The first runner-up was the diminutive Michael J. Fox of bartenders, Sert Boonsamer of the Royal Garden Resort. The second runner-up was that unbelievable paragon of maleness Seksan Sangmongkol, of the Dusit Resort Hotel.
After her fifth Zombette, Teetha was delighted as everything had the most impressionistic haze around it.
Anyhoo, the winners will be sent to the National Bartender Contest.