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Family Money: The
Alternative View
By Leslie
Wright
“Volatility” is a word that no one who follows the
financial markets can easily avoid these days, and it’s a word with
understandably unsettling connotations for most investors.
I wrote last week about how equities outperform bonds
which outperform cash investments over time, but are more volatile in the
short term.
What this means, simply, is that markets can and often
do go down as well as up - sometimes quite steeply in either direction -
which with a ‘long’ position in equities (meaning you’ve bought and
are holding some) can mean the value of your holdings can go down - at
least, for a time - and you’d lose money if you cashed up your
investment at that point.
Alternative investments quite simply invest into
instruments that differ from the usual strategy of buying stocks or bonds
and holding onto them in the hope that their value will increase.
Keeping your options open
One example is options, which are the right to buy
(called ‘put’ options) or the right to sell (called ‘call’
options) stocks or other assets (such as currencies or commodities, for
example) at a fixed price for a pre-determined period, and for only a
marginal deposit. If you guessed right and your asset goes up (in the case
of holding put options) or down (if you’re holding call options) you
exercise the option, and keep the difference between what you paid on
margin and the current respective selling or buying price of the assets in
question.
So by using this investment technique you can in fact
make money in a falling market as well as a rising one. You can also
protect your ‘long’ position against losses you might incur if you
guessed the market wrong.
Here you would have bought ‘put’ options to cover a
proportion or even all of your stock purchases, which if the market went
up as you hoped, you would let lapse, losing only the “deposit”
you’d paid for the options. However, if the market had a downturn,
you’d be able to exercise your options and make a profit from them which
would offset the losses you would have incurred with your ‘long’
position.
This is what in the investment industry is called
taking a ‘hedge’, and how many of the simpler hedge funds work:
covering their exposure in direct equity holdings with reverse options.
However, either way, you’d be covering a loss with a
profit or a profit with a loss. It doesn’t take a great brain to work
out that while this technique reduces your potential loss, it also
inevitably reduces your profit, whichever way the market goes.
How then can you offset that erosion of profit? By
doing a dog-leg investment strategy, which involves covering your options
with other options. Before your head spins too much, let me explain.
Let’s assume you’ve bought some stocks and covered
the potential risk with call options in the same market. You then buy a
smaller amount of put options in either a non-correlated market or asset
class, whereby if the first market moves positively and you thus stand to
lose your deposit on the call options, the market or asset-class which is
not correlated to the first market may well have moved in the other
direction, thereby enabling you to exercise your put options and make a
profit, which offsets the cost of the call options.
It’s like taking out an insurance policy, for which
you’re paying a relatively small premium in the hope you don’t have to
collect on the policy, but having the peace of mind that it’s there if
events transpire such that you need to collect on it.
You will of course also have made a profit from the
original assets you’d covered with the call options, so generally
speaking, you’d make a profit in at least one if not two of the dog
legs. (You inherently can’t make a profit on all three.)
This strategy works especially well in markets where
short-term volatility is commonplace - emerging market equities, commodity
futures, currency trading, the TMT sector (technology, media,
telecommunications) of the stock market. The higher-risk end of the
markets, in other words.
Since this hedging technique works best with large
amounts of money - more than most amateur investors can bring to bear - a
whole slew of alternative investment funds (known generically as ‘hedge
funds’) using these sophisticated techniques has sprung up, and
developed into a significant arm of the investment industry. These funds
enable small investors to play with the big boys.
There have of course been some unmitigated disasters -
the LTCM debacle some three years back being a prime example, which nearly
crippled the US banking industry and eventually had to be bailed out by
the Fed to the tune of over $2 billion.
This caused a major re-think by both hedge fund
managers and regulatory bodies, and has resulted in a clean-up of the
whole hedge fund industry. London has led the drive to ensure better
regulation and greater transparency both as regards the way this class of
funds is managed and the charges they are allowed to take from the assets
under management.
Some alternative investment funds - of which there has
been an ever-increasing number floated on the market, especially in recent
troubled times - have been holding their own this year, with a few even
exceeding their targets during the first half of 2001.
This performance record is a testament to the managers
themselves, since the crystal balls that investors assume all investment
managers have were very cloudy in the first quarter of this year, and
started to clear only in the second quarter. Indeed, things are still
rather opaque and shadowy.
But as most alternative-investment specialists well
know, it is the proven capacity of well-positioned, intelligently
allocated multi-strategy portfolios to perform well even in difficult and
volatile market conditions that differentiates alternative investments in
general from traditional investments. And it is the ability to capitalize
on volatility differentiates that sets certain hedge fund managers apart
from others.
One of the best performing strategies in the hedge fund
world over the past three years has been options arbitrage. This is a very
sophisticated investment technique, and I shan’t bore you with the
details of exactly how it works. Suffice it to say that arbitrage looks
for tiny differentials in different markets - for instance, the US Dollar
may be trading at 120.65 in Tokyo, and 120.50 in London - and takes
advantage of them, using a variety of options offsetting each other. The
end result is it makes money if applied correctly - which at the end of
the day is what any investor is looking for.
It is no secret that market volatility tends to benefit
the performance of hedge fund managers much more than it does traditional
money managers, but this is not to say that all hedge fund managers are
equally adept at taking advantage of this benefit. Quite the contrary.
Depending on the strategies the managers employ, the
markets they’re in, or the discipline (or lack thereof) of the managers
themselves, volatility (in either direction) can have strikingly different
effects on the performance of hedge fund managers. And one of the biggest
challenges they face as asset allocators is to gain as much insight as
they can into the different ways that volatility affects different
managers and different strategies.
The better they understand the dynamics of volatility,
the greater their ability to structure and weight their portfolios
accordingly, particularly in the kinds of environments we’ve seen over
the past year, and are likely to experience in the foreseeable future.
The many faces of volatility
It is worth emphasizing - obvious though the point may
be - that volatility can be an elusive phenomenon to analyse.
You have to differentiate, for instance, the factors
that trigger volatile surges from volatile dips.
Even in the traditional major stock markets, much
depends on investor sentiment, which is a difficult animal to analyse let
alone quantify.
In smaller emerging markets, volatility can be caused
by institutional buyers suddenly flooding a market and driving it sharply
upwards, and then taking profits, which drives it just as quickly down
again.
Or, in some cases, doing quite the reverse with
‘short’ selling techniques, as happened to Sterling in ’92 and
emerging Asian countries in ’97. (That is why some countries are so
anxious when Mr George Soros or his minions appear on the horizon.)
You need to draw a distinction, too, between volatility
that is triggered by random events (a geopolitical crisis, for instance)
and volatility that can be linked to structural patterns and can therefore
be analysed historically.
And one has to bear in mind that the factors triggering
volatility in one market - the currency market, for instance - may have
absolutely no effect on another market, such as commodities.
Analyses of this kind serve yet another valuable
purpose: they provide a strong test for non-correlation, enabling us to
see whether assumptions managers make about non-correlation are borne out
by what is actually happening in various markets and in all the strategies
they manage.
All of which explains why, in light of recent market
conditions, many hedge-fund managers have been focussing a great deal on
volatility. More specifically, they use their accumulated experience to
create “stress test” volatility scenarios in different markets.
The objective, simply put, is to enhance their ability
to recognize under what conditions volatility is likely to develop, but
even more important, which strategies are at risk and which are best
positioned to take advantage of it.
But fund managers and portfolio managers are not seers
or soothsayers. They can’t read Alan Greenspan’s mind or control what
happens in the Middle East, the Balkans, or China.
But what we investors can do is to educate ourselves to
alternative investment techniques, and apply what we learn to our asset
allocation strategies.
Traditional money managers can use volatility as an
excuse for below-target performance. As asset allocators for alternative
investments, hedge-fund managers don’t enjoy that luxury.
Leslie Wright is managing director of Westminster
Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial
advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard
on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have
any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning
investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or
e-mail [email protected]
Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website
on www.westminsterthailand.com
Snap Shots: Shooting
into the sun
by Harry Flashman
All the “good books” will tell you to shoot with
the sun behind your back. This way the subject is brilliantly lit, the
colours become vibrant, the camera can work out the exposure easily and
the end result is a great photograph. If this is the truth, why shoot any
other way? Why shoot into the sun instead?
Well,
like so many things in life, rules are there to be broken, but in this
case, photographic “rules” are really only photographic
“suggestions”. While the sun behind your back is a “safe” way of
getting an image, by using the light in different ways you will get
“different” photographs. And surely getting something out of the
ordinary is the way to go.
However, when you stray from the tried and true ways,
you are in some ways a little bit of a pioneer, and the end result can be
somewhat of a “hit and miss” situation. But to help you, here are some
hints that Harry (and others) have discovered over the years to make your
foray into this field less of a blundering experience and more of an
adventure.
The first item to understand is that when you point the
camera towards the sun, the exposure meters in the camera are thrown
completely off. The pre-programming is for a brightly lit subject in the
centre and darker stuff around the edges. All of a sudden, with
backlighting around the subject you have a dark central subject and
brighter stuff around the edges.
So what to do about this? The first aspect you have to
consider is what is the final effect to be? Do you want a bright
photograph of, for example, a sunset with figures in dark silhouette in
the foreground, or do you want a shot of a particular foreground subject,
with a “halo” or rim light around the subject? This decision is the
most important.
Let’s deal with silhouettes first. The subjects to be
shown in silhouette must be readily identifiable, so simple shapes are
important. You must also not overlap the silhouetted shapes because you
will end up with an unidentifiable blob. As Larry Dale Gordon, one of my
favourite photographers, says in his book - “Don’t do blobs.”
You are aiming for a bright background, so what you
have to do is point your camera at the background, to let all the little
magic diodes understand that is what they are dealing with. Push the
shutter release half way down to “lock” the exposure and keeping it
partially depressed compose the shot in the viewfinder. Zappo! Take the
shot.
Now these exposures are never spot on, so using the
exposure compensation button, knob, or whatever your camera has, retake
the shot at +1 and -1 settings. If your camera is a manual one then you
can just do this manually, but if auto you must go through the routine of
exposure lock on the background and compose again.
For Halo or rim lighting, the exact opposite is the way
to go. In this shot you want to be able to identify details of the
subject, but want a rim of light around it. This works particularly well
for hair or fur. Begin by walking in close to the subject and taking the
exposure reading from the face. Lock the exposure with the partially
depressed shutter and walk backwards and compose the shot. The exposure
should be correct for the foreground subject, but the lighter background
will be “blown out”, producing a ring of brightness around the edge of
the subject. Again, take this shot at +1 and -1 because you cannot exactly
predict the outcome.
As an additional way of front lighting the backlit
subject, you can try reflecting some of the light back into the face of
the subject. You can do this with a large white card, or even a large
cardboard box opened out.
Try something just that little different this weekend.
Modern Medicine: Fat,
Fair, Fertile and Forty
by Dr Iain Corness Consultant
Nice heading, don’t you think? In actual fact, this
week’s topic is gallstones, and the typical patient is fat, fair,
fertile and forty.
While these silly mnemonics do help young medical
students remember some key factors, the 4 F’s should not be taken as
gospel. 10% of men and 15% of women will develop gallstones in their
lifetime, with the incidence increasing with age.
The gall bladder lives in the right upper quadrant of
your belly, closely nestling up against the underside of the liver. It is
involved in the digestive process and helps manufacture bile. So when you
are feeling a little “bilious” - blame your gall bag!
One of the most common ingredients in a gallstone is
our old friend Cholesterol (bobs up everywhere, doesn’t it) and again
this can give us problems. While 75% of gallstones may not give any
symptoms, the 25% that do, give plenty of problems. Try severe pains under
the right lower ribs which comes in waves lasting around 30 minutes.
How do we diagnose gallstones? Well first you begin
with a high degree of clinical suspicion. This comes from years of
listening to patients retelling their symptoms, and the diagnosis is
generally confirmed by Ultrasound. However, sometimes the gallstones can
become jammed in a little tube called the Common Bile Duct. These are
harder to see on Ultrasound and are best visualized by a technique called
Cholangiography. This is usually done as an operative procedure, and the
stone(s) are removed at the same time.
Very often, the gallstones are found as an incidental
finding, and if they are causing no problems, the answer is simply to
leave them alone. The chances of developing symptoms over 20 years are
about 18% the good books tell me, so with an 82% chance of getting off
with nothing, who would volunteer for an operation?
However, for those with symptoms, operation is really
the answer. This is generally done in one of two ways. First the “old
fashioned” way. This requires a very large incision under the ribs on
the right upper section of your belly. It is a difficult operation because
the surgeon has to work “underneath” the liver, and the young surgical
assistant spends hours pulling on retractors to give the great man access
to the gallbladder. In your first year of surgery you get very cramped
hands!
The “new” way is called Laparoscopic
Cholecystectomy and was pioneered in 1987 by a French surgical team. With
this much less invasive method, the operating laparoscope is inserted
through a small incision in the abdominal wall, and the surgeon does the
job under the direct “telescope” vision. While this results in less
trauma, shorter hospitalisation and quicker recovery, it is not always
successful and the operation may have to be converted to the older
“open” method.
Some work is being done to try Extracorporeal Shockwave
Lithotripsy (ESWL) to bombard the stones with unltrasound shockwaves,
break them up and then dissolve them with oral therapy. This is useful on
a limited number of patients only, and the treatment has to be continued
for 12 months.
No, if you have symptomatic stones, ask for
laparoscopic surgery first!
Dear
Hillary,
The other evening we were discussing your pearls of
wisdom, over an imported bottle of French Champagne, and one of our number
mentioned the good lady, Edith Clampton (Mrs) who was a prolific writer to
the Bangkok Post. We had previously tried ringing the Pattaya Mail
newspaper to ascertain your identity, but had failed to get past the lady
on the front desk. Would Hillary and the said Edith be one and the same?
Please answer this as there have been considerable wagers laid.
The Enquirer
Dear Enquirer,
Darlings, Hillary is aware of the famous Edith Clampton
(Mrs) and has read some of her ultra-right wing ramblings. How could you
possibly think that the young, hip Ms. Hillary and the elderly effusive
Mrs. Edith could be the same person? Shame on you and Hillary hopes you
lost heaps in the wagers! Hillary has always been the proponent of the
rights of the “little person” while Edith expounds elitist eulogies.
Now, as penance, please send the remaining bottle(s) of French Champagne
to the Pattaya Mail office, clearly marked, ‘For Hillary’. Thank you
Petal.
Dear Hillary,
I read your Heart to Heart with Hillary article today
about the dowry thing (Vol IX, No. 24) and that reminded me that I also
must figure that out. I am curious, how much should be paid? I have never
seen a concrete amount assigned. Is it something like America where the
engagement ring is two months salary? I have been led to understand that
the amount should reflect how much I love the girl; however, I can not
give her family the world. What do you think, Hillary?
Wondering.
Dear Wondering,
This is very much a matter of private negotiation, but
you will usually be advised by an “Uncle” of the amount deemed
satisfactory. There is no two months salary equation here, my Poppet.
It’s more of an “Open your wallet and say after me - Help Yourself”
equation I’m afraid. Generally it is in the range of 30,000 to 100,00
baht for the farang suitors. Make sure she’s worth it. The dowry is
non-returnable!
Dear Hillary
I met and fell in love with a beautiful local girl in a
Pattaya bondage bar and I soon allowed her to move in with me. In order to
ensure I did not fall victim to the classic “empty the house when he’s
at work” trick I decided to tie her up during the day. Needless to say
she objected strongly to this and I was forced to gag her to prevent the
neighbours hearing. Can you suggest any shops around Pattaya where I can
acquire the proper equipment for this? Also, to show her appreciation she
says she is determined to give me a proper ‘Thai Haircut’ next time
she ties me up! I am fairly excited by this as grooming in the nether
regions has always been a bit of a fantasy. What different styles of
‘Thai Haircuts’ are available and which one would you suggest I ask
her to give me?
Rupert
Dear Rupert,
You are a silly twisted boy, aren’t you? Do you know
the true definition of a sadist? It’s someone who is nice to a
masochist. However, since you seem to be more of the latter, the different
types of Thai Haircut that you are looking forward to are basically
related to waste disposal after “trimming” - the most usual is being
fed to the ducks, but in some communities, if they don’t give a duck,
the pigs get it instead. This is a most dangerous ‘playground’ for
young and inexperienced lads like yourself, Rupert. Hillary thinks you
should stick to safer pastimes like cordless bungy jumping, rather than
continue on down the bondage bar. While you are thinking about it, here
are a few bars you may enjoy from the prolific pen of a clever American
satirist Tom Lehrer, called “The Masochism Tango”. (Go on, sing it to
yourself with any tango tune).
I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it’s me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.
Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you’re mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.
GRAPEVINE
Computer
crime
Thai police are asking for the cooperation of the
public in identifying lewd sites and news groups on the Internet with
a view to banning them. They are going to be kept busy if US reports
are true that maybe a third of all surfers worldwide are looking for
some kind of titillation and no pun intended. Thai servers, such as
Loxinfo and KSC, point out that subscribers agree on enrolment to
terms and conditions which include a prohibition on downloading
indecent material. But how do you know what is lewd or indecent? You
don’t, but the courts will.
The ultimate deterrent
A debate is raging in the kingdom about the rights
and wrongs of capital punishment. But, actually, throwing open to
public inspection the prison yard execution sites doesn’t help to
win over the ‘against’ lobby. It merely confirms their belief that
such deaths are inhumane, morally wrong and could include some
miscarriages of justice. The point is not so much whether shooting or
lethal injection is the way ahead, but whether the state should be in
the business of putting people to death. It’s a worrying thought,
none the less, that nearly a hundred guys in US, since 1976, have been
set free after new evidence showed they shouldn’t have been there in
the first place.
Mistakes galore
A Hong Kong based travel brochure has some odd
things to say about Pattaya. “There are no traffic lights from
Bangkok airport to the beach resort of Pattaya and you’ll hardly
notice the journey... Many hotels are dirty (sic) cheap and there are
even some fruits waiting for you in your room... Cross dressing is the
norm but you should not wear shorts or go topless if this could would
cause you a problem... Local authorities speak many languages but, if
they don’t, you must hire a cross translator... There is no
inflation, but prices are higher than they used to be because of a
recent meltdown.”
Still the king
Greg’s Kitchen on Second Road is arguably better
than ever these days. There are some creamy soups for starters and the
air conditioned section is proving to be really popular. The roast
beef and roast lamb specials, at 195 and 285 baht respectively, may
not be the cheapest in town but the trencherman portions more than
make up the difference. The cauliflower and cheese sauce is delicious
too. Greg himself has thought long and hard about his product and has
captured the market, not for backpackers, but for tourists and
residents who want an authentic touch of home at a fair price. Favored
by GEOC (Grapevine Eating Out Collective) for Sunday lunch.
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Check it out
Our only source for these is an e-mail. A male
reader claims he went to Foodland, collected a few items and proceeded
to the checkout. Next in line, he picked up one of those wooden
‘dividers’ by the cash register to separate his goods on the belt
from those of the lady in front to ensure they wouldn’t get mixed
up. After the assistant had scanned all of the guy’s items, she
picked up the ‘divider’ and looked all over it for the bar code to
scan. Failing to find it, she asked “Do you know how much this
costs?” Again? Later that day, the same guy went to McDonald’s and
saw on the menu he could order 6 or 9 or 12 chicken McNuggets.
“I’ll take half a dozen nuggets,” announced our friend
hopefully. “Sorry, sir,” bounced back the reply, “you gotta
order 6, 9 or 12.”
Only in America
Only in the States:
Can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
Do they leave expensive cars in the driveway and
put useless junk in the garage.
Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a diet coke.
Do drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the
store to get prescriptions whilst cigarettes are on sale at the front.
Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.
Have they handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
Do they leave both bank doors open and then chain
the pens to the counter.
Tailpiece
Overheard in a Soi Eight bar. “Where’s the girl
who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage tonight?” “Sorry,
sir, she’s been off-ed.”
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Animal Crackers: Foster
Mum
by Mirin
MacCarthy
The concept of “fostering” has long been used in the
human kingdom. Orphans can be fostered out to kind homes, where good hearted
people raise the little children until they can be adopted by people ready
to make that lifetime commitment. Fostering implies a limited time and not
total involvement, but just by the act of fostering, the infants can grow up
feeling secure and loved - a most important facet in their later
development.
Rarely
one hears of fostering across the species, but the mythological tale of
Romulus and Remus, the human twins who were raised by a wolf, has probably
got a factual basis somewhere. Even if not, it’s a lovely yarn!
In the bird kingdom, fostering is well known, with the
cuckoo being a prime example of enforced fostering. Cuckoos parents are not
the most child and family conscious birds, with mother cuckoo laying her
eggs in other birds nests, for the foster mother to sit on and hatch, while
Mrs Cuckoo goes back to dancing at the bars or warbling at the nightclubs.
Unfortunately for the foster mother, young cuckoos are generally much bigger
than the foster mother’s babies and the smaller ones get pushed out of the
nest by the demanding offspring of the cuckoo. This is not quite fostering
with good intent.
However, there can be good fostering in the bird kingdom.
In my aviary outside I have five quail, raised from having been bought on a
maternal whim when I saw them in the pet shop at one week old. They
prospered and grew, snuggling up to an old teddy bear at night as their
protective “mother”. As soon as they were independent, they were
discharged off into the aviary, running around the floor and enjoying
themselves in their new found freedom.
But the tail does not end there. I also have two doves
that appear to be the most dopey type of bird that the world has ever seen.
Rescued from the aviary, because none of the other birds liked them, they
live in their own cage in the laundry. One dove regularly lays eggs and
spends weeks sitting on them - all to no avail, as the other dove is most
probably another female. Mrs. Grey Dove has really been getting depressed at
all this I am sure.
At this point, enters my maid Suchida. The quail have
been laying eggs in the aviary, but these have attracted a snake which comes
and eats the eggs. Suchida has been scooping these up, but found that some
of the speckled quail eggs were fertile - there’s a boy in those five
quail! Answer! Put the fertile quail eggs under the bottom of the pining
childless dove!
Suchida’s “animal husbandry” has worked a treat.
Mrs Grey Dove now has small brown hopping babies that nestle under her
maternal wings at night. When the baby quail are older, I will have to tell
them of their true origins, which could be traumatic, and then put them
outside to run around the aviary with the other quail, two of which are
their mother and father.
Fostering is alive and well, in my bird kingdom, thanks
to some fertile quail, a childless dove and an enterprising maid.
Social Commentary by Khai Khem
So Long, Old Friend
Quitting a habit, any habit, can be like ending a long
relationship. It’s a sad affair, even if everything in your head and heart
begs you to slam the door and nail it shut! However necessary, however
overdue, the loss of such a friendship is deep and hard, not just on you but
sometimes on everything one else around you.
One of my close friends just gave up coffee recently, and
we just don’t know what to do with her yet. Presumably the rest of us will
get used to the idea in the same way we accommodate those who have given up
cigarettes, cigars, meat, and alcohol, and the never ending list of
individuals who are at one time or another on slimming diets. But somehow, I
thought coffee was one of those little addictions which was still socially
acceptable, and a luxury we could yet afford.
A few weeks ago our friend proclaimed that coffee was
making her nauseous and she couldn’t face one more cup without
embarrassing herself all over the table at our crowd’s favourite luncheon
restaurant. What? Just as it was becoming the most fashionable beverage on
the globe? What would life be without coffee? I would have forgiven her if
she’d been ‘preggars’ and this little glitch in our social
get-togethers would solve itself in 9 months. But this woman is way beyond
her child-bearing years, thus her goodbye to an old friend could be final.
Like the English penchant for a ‘cuppa’ (meaning
tea), coffee is an accompaniment for so many of life’s events. Since those
first rancid cups drained in college dining halls, for me, coffee has been a
part of some of the most wonderful moments I can remember.
Coffee and conversation, coffee and love, coffee and
reading, coffee and desert, coffee before dashing to work, the coffee break
at the office; in many societies, coffee is a companion. In some of the most
beautiful cities in the world, the cafe invites us to sit and contemplate,
search for inspiration, rest our weary feet, or gather with our friends to
chat and gossip. And now we are reminded that too much coffee isn’t good
for us.
My friend is right. An overload of coffee makes the heart
palpitate, and too many cups of that friendly beverage could make her
downright irritable on occasion. Her decision to stop for good was a triumph
of willpower, and evidence of her astonishing discipline and devotion to a
healthy diet. She has found a resolve which seems to brighten her day.
Unfortunately, the rest of us are sulking in a state of belligerence. What
gives her the right to make all the rest of us caffeine junkies look bad?
The very thing which makes her feel good makes her coffee-crazy comrades
feel worse! As she prepares her boiling water in the kettle and substitutes
leaves for grounds, we are betting that she will eventually realise that the
most expensive green tea on the planet is no substitute for the comfort of a
cheap French roast. Tea’s antitoxins won’t comfort her heart (although
they may allow her heart to last longer). We sniff, and say that the turning
over of this ‘new leaf’ won’t last long.
Of course the group pessimism expressed toward our
friend’s new resolve is part of human nature. Like other friends who have
renounced smoking, booze, lost 20 pounds, participate in running marathons,
have found evangelical religion or vegetarianism, we see their
self-improvement efforts as a mirror to our own failure (even if we think
those folks are nuts). In countless ways, we all view other people’s lives
as reprimands. They way they choose to live, dress, their taste in movies,
books, lovers, are not simply indications of their preferences, but
sometimes a slap in the face in reference to our own. An acquaintance
changes jobs, for instance. Not only has he or she changed, but you are
reminded that you, slug, have not!
We still invite our tea-drinking friend to join us when
we get together. She’ll be back on the old black juice soon enough. We
know that the left over baggage from that old relationship still lingers on,
beckoning her home.
Women’s World: Julia
Roberts
by Lesley Warner
There were moments when I questioned the meaning of life.
What is the point of a fantastic job or an exciting life when there is no
one there to share it with?
I’ve spent some time writing about Hollywood screen
sirens from the past so I thought I should look at some of our more recent
stars. One of my personal favourites is Julia Roberts; I loved her in Pretty
Woman as most of us romantics did.
Julia
Roberts
Julia Roberts was born in Smyrna, Georgia, USA on October
28th, 1967, to Walter and Betty Roberts. Her dad worked as a vacuum cleaner
salesman and her mum was a church secretary. However, both her parents
apparently enjoyed acting. They got a divorce when she was four, but she
maintained a strong bond with both. Her father died of cancer when she was
nine, and the loss had a lasting effect on her.
Julia at a young age decided she wanted to be a
veterinarian, but ended up pursuing an education in journalism. She didn’t
stick with it for long, though. Feeling restless, she moved in with her
sister Lisa, who was living in New York so that she could try and get into
acting. Her brother, Eric Roberts, had already attained a certain level of
success in Hollywood, and Julia was determined to find similar success.
Eric got her, her first break, when he talked the
director into letting Julia appear in Blood Red in 1986. Her real break,
however, came in 1988 when she appeared in two brat-pack movies, Mystic
Pizza and Satisfaction.
The following year she appeared in Steel Magnolias and
achieved her first adult success. Julia more than held her own opposite a
cast of veteran actresses, including Sally Field and Shirley MacLaine.
Pretty Woman soon followed, and the hooker with a heart of gold who tames
the corporate beast of Richard Gere assured her continued fame.
Her attempts to break away from her romantic comedy mold
with films like Mary Reilly, were a disaster at the box office and for a
while many critics were writing her off as a has-been.
Julia dropped out of the lime light for a while and made
a come-back with 1997’s My Best Friend’s Wedding. Since then her career
has been on the fast track. She is now perhaps the most bankable star in
Hollywood, with films like Erin Brockovich breaking the hundred million
dollar mark.
Julia is said to be a passionate knitter, and passes the
time making jumpers between takes. She recently bought a large fifty acre
ranch in New Mexico, which she uses when she needs a change of pace. She has
also followed Audrey Hepburn in becoming involved with UNICEF charities and
has made visits to many different countries, including Haiti and India, in
order to promote goodwill.
Julia now owns her own production company, Shoelace
Productions, which she runs out of New York City (she also owns a residence
in Los Angeles). Industry experts have approximated that the actress has
grossed over 1.6 billion worldwide in her career. Obviously an asset to any
film, she is one of the most sought after talents in Hollywood.
Awards
1989 Golden Globe Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias
1989 Academy Awards Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias
1990 Golden Globe Best Actress in a Motion Picture Pretty Woman
1991 NATO/ShoWest Female Star of the Year N/A
1997 Harvard Pudding Hasty Award N/A
Shaman’s Rattle: Mary
Celeste - the ship of misfortune
by Marion
Has there ever been a ship which has gone through as much
misfortune, misadventure and miscarriage of the truth than the brig called
the Mary Celeste? This small, 30 metre boat has had scientific papers
written about her, web sites dedicated to her, starred in a book, even
though the name was mis-spelled as “Marie” Celeste, and even linked to
extra terrestrial beings. Not even the Titanic legends go that far!
Mary Celeste was built in 1860 in Nova Scotia, Canada,
and was christened the Amazon. From the start, this was not a lucky ship.
Her first captain passed away within 48 hours of her original dedication and
on her maiden voyage the ship damaged her hull after hitting a fishing weir.
Although she later survived a fire and a collision in the Straits of Dover,
her fourth captain accidentally grounded her on Cape Breton (which
coincidentally was the name of the freighter grounded off Pattaya a few
weeks ago - Pattaya Mail Vol IX, No. 24). Eventually, the Amazon was
purchased for $3,000 at a New York salvage auction. After extensive repairs
she was put under American registry and renamed the Mary Celeste.
The
new captain and part owner of Mary Celeste was Captain Benjamin Spooner
Briggs, aged 37, a well experienced master. In November 1872 the ship
departed from New York with Captain Briggs, his wife, young daughter and a
crew of seven. The ship was carrying 1700 barrels of raw alcohol bound for
Genoa, in Italy. Just prior to leaving, old friends Captain Briggs and
Captain Morehouse, the captain of the English cargo ship Dei Gratia moored
at a neighbouring pier on New York’s East River, had a pleasant dinner
before the Mary Celeste set sail. And it is at this point that the mystery
begins.
On December 5th the Dei Gratia crew spotted a two-masted
brig sailing rather erratically in an area of the North Atlantic between the
Azores and the coast of Portugal. Morehouse was more than alarmed to
discover that the mystery ship was none other than his friend’s Mary
Celeste.
Captain Morehouse ordered a boarding party and it is at
this point that the wildly differing stories about the Mary Celeste begin to
emerge. One story is that the ship was in fine order, food still cooking on
the stove, half drunk cups of coffee and even a phial of oil balanced on the
sewing machine. Some reports claim that the hatches to the cargo were broken
open and the casks of alcohol broached. Yet others say the sails were torn
and there were signs of hurried evacuation. A bloody sword even gets a
mention in another tale. However, one fact remained the same - there was no
sign of Captain Briggs, his wife and child or any of the crew. The other
agreed upon fact was that the last entry in the ship’s log was November
25th, more than a week previous.
So how did all these tales eventuate? Well, Sir Arthur
Conan Doyle in 1884 was the one who began the speculation theories with his
story on the boat, titled “J. Habakuk Jephson’s Statement.” His
conclusion was that the boat had been involved in a racial war and was taken
over by black-power activists. This was about as accurate as his spelling -
having called the ship the “Marie” Celeste, instead of its correct
“Mary”. The redoubtable knight was also paid thirty pounds for his tale,
a goodly sum in those days, so it comes as no surprise that there could have
been some embellishment!
But Sir Arthur’s explanation was nothing compared to
some of the others. Alien visitation being put forward to explain the sudden
departure from an otherwise sound ship, to being magnetically dragged into
the Bermuda triangle, or even a drunken mutiny by the crew being but a few.
So before we too become carried away by flights of fancy,
let us look at some actual “hard” evidence. There exists the statements
from Captain Morehouse and his sailors, plus the records from the Court of
Enquiry that was held in British Gibraltar, after the Mary Celeste was
brought into port there by a skeleton crew from the accompanying Captain
Morehouse’s Dei Gratia.
Oliver Deveau, the Chief Mate of the Dei Gratia, was in
charge of the boarding party. He found one pump out of order, and only used
the other on his way to Gibraltar. He found the fore hatch off and also the
lazarett hatch off with a great deal of water between decks. The clock and
compass were spoilt and destroyed respectively. The Court record states that
he found no beer or spirits in the ship, and the cargo had not shifted.
There were also no steaming mugs of tea, ships cats, everything in supposed
pristine condition. Certainly there were no half eaten breakfasts, and no
phial of oil balanced on the sewing machine.
There is much speculation in the fictional accounts about
a bloodstained sword; however, in the court record the Mate Oliver Deveau
states he did not see any blood anywhere. The court record actually says
that the sword had been cleaned with lemon, and the result was iron citrate,
not dried blood. Another wonderful story blown away.
The truth of the matter is a simple storm and the damaged
pump. Fearful for their lives the Captain and crew abandoned ship, to be
lost themselves to the perils of the sea in a small dinghy. There was no
real “mystery”.
Mary Celeste has not been the only vessel found
abandoned. In April 1849 the Dutch Schooner Hermania was found dis-masted
but otherwise sound, with the Captain, his wife, child and crew missing, and
in February 1855 the Marathon was another vessel found abandoned but in
perfect order. However, they were not the centre-point of a Sir Arthur Conan
Doyle yarn, were they!
The Message In The Moon:
Sun in Taurus/Moon in Gemini - The Busybody
by Anchalee Kaewmanee
At the first sign of a problem or dilemma, this
combination is always on the scene with the most efficient solution, and
never deserts a friend in need. The Taurus personality is practical,
industrious, and worldly, while the Gemini inner nature is analytical,
versatile and quick-witted. Highly perceptive and observant, very little
ever slips past those who are born into this Sun/Moon sign. Since they are
natural detectives, they always spot superficiality and deceit. An inner
restlessness spurs them on to explore and investigate the world around them,
and a jest for life keeps them forever fascinated by novelty and exotica.
Finding something (be it a lover, a profession, or a lifestyle) that holds a
special interest and satisfies that inexhaustible supply of curiosity can be
difficult. Whenever boredom sets in, and it usually does rather quickly, the
Taurus-Gemini is ready to run off or to something new, often abandoning or
undermining current goals. This can often throw their close associates into
a state of confusion if they are of signs which are less mercurial and more
rigid.
Both signs of this duo are Spring signs, so people born
into this combination rarely lose their fresh and youthful appearance.
Likewise, they may often behave childishly. There is as tendency to
repeat the same mistakes or patterns of behaviour. A concentrated effort
should be made to stop and re-examine some past actions, and determine where
the fault occurred. Self-examination and reflection does not come naturally
here, but should be cultivated. It is better to profit from experience
rather than to allow oneself to be controlled by the whim of the moment.
Unlike most Taureans, the Moon sign in Gemini will not co-operate to hold
emotions inside. Bottling up feelings until the cork blows from the bottle
is just not Gemini’s style. Gemini is expressive, and communications with
others is one of the primary needs. Staying socially active is vital in
order to share feelings and ideas with others. A drawback may be that people
of this sign can be too aware of the world around them and may
develop attitudes which are critical or become rather meddlesome. Best not
to stir up trouble or find too much fault. Searching for perfection in
one’s self or others is dangerous; if things don’t measure up under such
intense scrutiny, disenchantment may set in. Nobody likes a critical bore.
The Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Gemini produces people
with many fine attributes, and they are capable of realistically applying
new and innovative ideas in almost any field. An inherent flair for analysis
and detection may attract them to psychology. Sigmund Freud was a
Taurus-Gemini. Writing, research, and technical careers are also good
possibilities. The main problem will be one of focusing on a single fields
of endeavour, since so many areas will undoubtedly be open to this group. It
is wise to examine all the options and then make a commitment to one area of
expertise and master it. A ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ can find
himself dissipating all those talents which could have been put to great
use.
In relationships, this combination tends to be slightly
aggressive and somewhat temperamental. As with all Moon in Gemini natives,
rapid mood changes are prevalent; elated one moment, and dejected the next.
This is hard for a partner to understand. A need for constant variety in
love can be a major problem here, although the Sun in Taurus can ease the
fickleness which is so characteristic of the Gemini lover. This Sun/Moon
combo will have a lot of love affairs.
The computer doctor
by Richard Brunch
From Bangsaen Bob: I have a
locally assembled computer that I simply cannot get fixed. It was purchased
with a one year on site warrantee which was not honored by the person that
sold it to me. It continues to crash (lock up) for no apparent reason. It
has an Intel 300 MHz Pentium II main processor with 64meg of Ram and about 7
gigabyte of free disk space.
One shop told me that I needed a new hard drive so I
bought one. It worked in the shop, but would not boot up at home. After I
stewed a while, I took it to another shop. This time they told me the
problem was caused by the video card, so I replaced it. Alas it still locks
up time after time. The local computer genius at my company told me I needed
to replace the motherboard. But, he did this for my computer at work, which
also locks up about 5-8 times a day, and it did not make any difference. Any
suggestions?
Computer Doctor replies: Plenty! Unfortunately you
haven’t really given me enough information to go on; nonetheless I will
make a few assumptions and recommendations. I imagine the computer is 3
years old or more and as such will have a Slot 1 processor. Should the
motherboard prove to be faulty finding a new Slot 1 motherboard is no easy
task and you will be buying into obsolete architecture which really is not
cost effective. Processors and motherboards now use FCPGA architecture and
support modern ATA100 hard disks. I am assuming your operating system is
possibly Windows 98, maybe ME; with either, 64Mb is inadequate in the real
world, 128Mb is a realistic minimum, and this also depends on the
applications you are running. Your disk size and free space are I think
adequate. Video cards, and I do not know whether this is PCI or AGP but in
any event these can cause the computer to hang. You may have replaced one
problem card with another. The fact that your home computer and office
computer both have the same problem is a little suspicious although this
could be coincidence. Are both computer similarly hardware and software
specified? Do both computers hang at the same spot, for instance saving a
Word document? Are you running any applications that are not mainstream?
Some shareware and freeware applications are notorious for creating
problems. Some power management issues could also be affecting the system.
It really is difficult to be more specific and realistically I would need to
see the beast to give best advice. The problems you are experiencing could
equally be caused by faulty hardware or software. If you wish to discuss
please contact me directly.
From Harry Millar, Jomtien: I know there are many
free e-mail services about like Hotmail and Yahoo but these are all web
based, do you know of any that are POP3 based? Thanks in anticipation.
Computer Doctor replies: The one I can recommend is
at www.tfz.net There is an easy sign up process and once signed up you can
collect your POP3 mail using your normal e-mail client like Outlook or
Outlook Express. You will, however, need to use your ISP’s SMTP server for
your outgoing mail.
A Slice of Thai History:
Observations
by Duncan Stearn
An old Thai chronicle observed that foreigners were very
tall, hairy and evil smelling but the females were quite beautiful, despite
the fact they were large and round. The chronicle concluded with the
matter-of-fact statement, “they do not grow rice.” Not much has changed
in the couple of centuries since that observation was penned.
However, it’s also interesting to look at the way some
writers have viewed the Thailand looking glass.
1940: An element of racial superiority is evident in
this comment by Frank Clune from his 1940 publication ‘To the Isles of
Spice’. Referring to the clean kampongs of Java, he wrote that they were,
“revelations in cleanliness after the untidy, dirty, dog-ridden,
flea-strewn, mud-hut villages I saw last year in China and Siam [Thailand] -
especially the latter country. The influence of European overlordship has
been beneficial to the hygiene of the Javanese...” Somehow, I doubt that
their Dutch overlords were particularly concerned with the ablutions and
general cleanliness of their Javanese subjects. He clearly felt that
Thailand could have done with a spot of European ‘overlordship’.
1959: “‘When you’ve been here as long as I
have,’ said the young man who met us, ‘you’ll find it much like any
other city. Except for the traffic. The traffic is worse than anywhere
I’ve ever been. Buses come at you like juggernauts. Samlors dodge under
your wheels. Taxis are liable to make sudden right-hand turns across your
track and...well, there is too much traffic for the width of the roads and
everybody interprets the traffic laws as he or she sees fit. The policemen,
except one or two good ones, just smile cheerfully and wave everybody on.
You’ve never seen such chaos. Fortunately, nobody can travel fast enough
to kill themselves or anybody else. But in the suburbs and the
country...’”
That excerpt was from a book titled ‘Land of the Lotus
Eaters’ by Norman Bartlett and first published in 1959 and, need I say it,
describes traffic in Bangkok at the time.
1970: ‘In Bangkok, many travellers keep alive by
selling little white pills (probably aspirins) in a routine as bizarre as it
is cynical. Thai employer introduces traveller to an unsuspecting, trusting
village audience, as, say, Dr Schweitzer from Harley Street. Traveller
recites Shakespeare or dirty limericks to the crowd, while enthusiastically
waving a little bottle of white tablets. Thai accomplice ‘translates’
this into an exciting sales blurb. The tablets sell swiftly, and traveller
reaps a fat commission. Variations on this theme can be played to native
communities throughout India and the Far East. When it comes to exploiting
innocent primitives, hippie nomads can be as ruthless as governments.’
That excerpt was from the book ‘Play Power’, a
travelogue written by Australian enfant terrible Richard Neville.
Guide to buying a large
dog: Rhodesian Ridgeback
by C. Schloemer
Good points: affectionate, obedient, good with
children, superior intelligence, sense of fun
Take heed: good guard, tendency to “over-guard”,
deserves a large garden
The
Rhodesian Ridgeback is a handsome, muscular, medium-sized dog of the hound
group, with a short tan-coloured coat, pendulous ears, and a long,
un-cropped tail. The breed is named after the line of hair, shaped like the
blade of a broadsword, which grows in the reverse direction along the back,
with two crowns at the shoulder, and the point towards the tail. This ridge
is very distinctive marking. Although the ridge may appear to be a
superficiality, created for the show ring or as a conversational point, in
fact it is far from recent, and has come down through the centuries by the
way of the African Hottentot Hunting Dog.
The Rhodesian Ridgeback is of a quiet temperament and
rarely barks; it enjoys spending hours curled up lazily in the corner of a
room, stretched out in the summer sun, or will be quite content resting at
its master’s feet. Although its exploits as a hunter of African game first
brought it recognition, the breed was developed as a dual purpose dog: as a
hunter and a gentle guardian of the families of the early white settlers.
More and more people are discovering the tranquil nature of this breed. It
has a most affectionate disposition and desire for human companionship. And
if you worry about your valuables, he is just the dog to guard them!
Size: The desirable weight is: dog 36.3 kg, bitch
31.75 kg, with a permissible variation of 2.3 kg above and below these
weights. A mature Ridgeback should be a height of 63.5-68.5 for dogs, and
bitches should reach 61-66 cm.
Exercise: This large, sleepy and apparently
slow-moving animal, with its characteristic love of lazing, contrasts
sharply with its action when alerted. In a flash, it can turn into a blurred
streak of rhythmic motion, and is a pleasure to watch when it overtakes a
rabbit or a squirrel in full flight. This is a pet which deserves a large
garden to run in, and a master who will give it a good walk everyday.
Grooming: Daily grooming with a hound glove, coupled
with good nutrition and lots of exercise, will keep the Ridgeback’s coat
healthy and gleaming.
Origin and history: Long before Europeans settled in
South Africa, the members of the Hottentot tribe had the Rhodesian Ridgeback
as a companion who accompanied them on hunting expeditions. This animal has
since been called the Hottentot Hunting Dog. It had a distinctive
characteristic of which was the ridge of hair growing in the reverse along
its back. During the 16th and 17th
centuries, Dutch, Boers, Germans, and Huguenots migrated to South Africa,
and these people brought with them their own European hunting dogs.
It is probably by chance the settler’s dogs were
crossed with the tough Hottentot Hunting Dogs and the superior quality and
vigour of the offspring were quickly recognised. The presence of the ridge
identified the most desirable dogs. This blending over 200 years of the best
qualities of many European breeds with those of the Hottentot Hunting Dog
formed the immediate ancestor of today’s Ridgeback, which has many of the
characteristics usually associated with other hounds.
Antiques, are they
genuine? : The Analytical Method
by Apichart Panyadee
Silver
tray with forged hallmarks and discrepancies of style and date
The oblong tea tray in the photo illustrates the kind of
deceit which was practised in the 1980’s. It appears to be mid-18th
century; the hallmark is for London 1745 with the makers mark SW. On the
face of it, this is a magnificent George II 20 inch tea tray. The
experienced eye, however, is uneasy. Examining the tray in all of its
aspects, the following points can be noted:
1. Gadroon borders are rarely, if ever, combined with
chased decoration.
2. The band of flat chased decoration is too dense and
tightly packed to be contemporary with the mark.
3. There are no co-ordinating stylistic factors between
the dolphin feet, (not visible) the border, the band of chasing, and the
armorial.
4. Armorials were not generally enclosed in drapery
cartoushes in 1745.
5. The quality of engraving is poor for the purported
date.
6. Hallmarks are more commonly found on the underside of
the trays, where as in this case they have been struck among the decoration
to disguise discrepancies.
7. The hallmarks are in an unnaturally straight line.
8. The maker’s mark is that of Samuel Wood, a caster
and cruet frame maker who rarely employed chased decoration.
9. The shape of the shields around the three hallmarks
varies and there are minute discrepancies in size.
Shape of shields around
hallmarks varies and there are discrepancies in size
Research in sale categories showed that this same tray
had been previously sold with a different maker’s mark and the authentic
date 1875. But had the substitution of marks not been noticed and if the
tray had been sold as George II, rather than late Victorian, it could have
brought as much as four times its proper price. The questions to ask, after
forming an initial impression on style are these: do the hallmarks agree
with your initial impression of date? Are all the marks there? Are they
distorted in any way, or in an unusual position? Are there any subsidiary
pieces lacking the correct marks? Are there any signs of wear, such as
patches or rough soldering where separately made pieces have been attached?
Down the iron road: The
Era of Doctor Breeching
by John D. Blyth, P.O. Box
97, Pattaya City 20260
Some Background
The railways of Britain, starting in a very small way
with some coal-hauling lines in North-East England, suddenly gained an
impetus in the 1840s, when financiers, not all of good repute, suddenly saw
railways as a sure way to make money; thus came the ‘Railway Mania’ of
that decade, with the famous George Hudson at the back of many of them. Many
lines of the era were a great success, the Great Western with its broad
gauge being one, and the London & Birmingham another, with the
Stephenson’s reply involved. When the 20th century dawned, the rail map of
Britain looked much as in my childhood, but there were still over 100
companies, and some amalgamations were taking place.
Pre-Breeching:
one of the earliest diesels - hydraulic locomotives on trial at Newton
Abbot, Devon, in May 1958.
Came the 1914 war, and the government took control of the
railway network, and saw its complexity, and afterwards the politicians
stepped in to make order out of chaos. Full nationalization was looked at
and shied away from, and the main system and many quite small ones were
‘grouped’ into the four big companies, best known, even now, by their
initials: ‘L.M.S’, ‘L.N.E.R.’, ‘G.W.R’, and ‘S.R.’ In
general they did a good job, and provided a good service, but not all of
them found it easy or even possible, to make a profit. Government loans were
quite common - some may not have been repaid, even today.
In 1939 another war started, and government control was
again the order, but although the railways were just as vital, there was
less money to keep them going, and their condition at the end was perilous;
the government of the day kept control; fate was decide that this should
continue as in 1945 a Layout (Socialist) Government was elected, committed
to State control of all main industries, the railways included. Thus was
formed British Railways, just 16 days old when they gave me a job at a small
country junction station not far from home, called Ash Church, which will
crop up again next week. Fate was to decree that most of my career should be
spent in the London area on lines of the former ‘G.W.R’ (Great Western).
Doctor
Richard Breeching (later Lord Breeching)
By the late 1950s the financial position of British
Railways was very serious indeed, for State control does not mean oodles of
money! - Indeed, ‘cut, cut, cut’ was the order of the day. The less so
as there had been another change of Party in power, with a Transport
Minister with no love of railways (as was Ernest Maples, a leading light in
a firm involved in the building of the new ‘Motorways’; the latest toy
for the car-loving public). It was he who made the decision to bring in
outsiders to sort out the railway problem, so entered Doctor Richard
Breeching, top man at the even bigger Imperial Chemical Industries, to run
our railways for us. There was some comment at his salary, which, paid by a
destitute railway, was the same as I.C.I. had paid him. It was a lot of
money, how could he be worth it? Staff at ‘ground level’ noticed little
or nothing - until the closure notice went up for their own station; at my
own (middle management) level we were a bit worried: an outsider, no railway
experience; what could he possible do for us? The idea of ‘railway
experience’ is not, sadly, ‘old hat’, and in the modern world it is
thought that any fool can run a railway. To me, the background goes far to
making the man.
One very close to Breeching in his railway career has
commented that at the time there was simply no one within the railway to do
this job. I disagree. That very man had the ability, but sadly not the
seniority. I knew one more who could also have done it well. Both had
railways in the blood - Breeching did not!
When the new master arrived many of us were trying to get
to grips with the fruits of the 1955 Modernization Plan, whereby a lot of
money was sunk into bringing the system up-to-date - ridding ourselves of
steam traction, modernising stations and signalling, building new
marshalling yards, etc. Electric traction on all main lines was an early
objective, soon sunk by the cost of the ‘interim’ diesels, and that
pre-historic monster, the unbaked freight train (maximum speed 25 mph!), was
to stay with us for a long time. One region was chosen to try out diesels
with hydraulic transmissions instead of the more common electric system -
the Germans seemed to have done well with the former, but it was long before
it all came out that they only used a locomotive for 16 hours daily, whilst
we wanted 22. In 1968 steam traction finished, and about the same time we
went for fully-braked trains throughout, unerringly going for the old and
feeble vacuum system, rather than the higher-pressure air-brake, far
superior for high speed trains and really heavy freights.
But what was Breeching up to his first few months with
us? We were too busy to ask, and his absence of railway ‘feeling’ was
obvious from the fact that he was simply not seen - no visits, no
inspections - NIL. He was writing the ‘Breeching Plan’! Which quickly
had the approval of the Minister and the Government. It was a real shocker,
the accompanying map looking more like a skeleton than modernized railway.
The appendix set out, in many pages, the lines, station, etc., that it was
intended to close - not just modest branch lines, but many stations thought
to be important on the main lines; alternative routes were also suspect,
that for closure not always being the best choice. Eventually there would be
no railway in Cornwall, west of Swansea, nor along the North Wales Coast to
Holy Head between Newcastle and Edinburgh, and not much of consequence north
of Edinburgh or Glasgow.
Small wonder he was accused by the press of having an axe
in his kitbag, with which to tear down the buildings, up-root the track -
and behead the staff. My own early experience was as a relief station master
in the Gloucester Division; it is absorbing to realize that of the 26
stations I recall working at, there is just one remaining open for traffic;
this, almost at my back door when my home was there, was the original 1840
built at Cheltenham.
More next week - watch this space!
Updated every Friday
Copyright 2001 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand
Tel. 66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax: 66-38 427 596
Updated by
Chinnaporn Sungwanlek, assisted by Boonsiri Suansuk.
E-Mail: [email protected]
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