Hungarian GP this weekend

After the 3 week lay-off, in which none of the Grand Prix teams were allowed to do any testing, all the teams will all be on deck for the Hungarian GP this weekend.

Crazy Jean

Whilst the drivers may have been sunning themselves in Monaco, Sao Paulo or Southend on Sea, I am quite sure the factories have not been shut down.

Several sleepless nights with much candle burning will have been done at Jordan to work out why their Honda engines have been turning into brekky cereal going snap, crackle, pop during the races while the same engines in the BAR’s seem to last longer. Eddie Jordan has also been busy painting out the name Heinz-Harald Frentzen in the locker room and stencilling in Crazy Jean Alesi, if you haven’t caught up with the news already. If anyone gives 110% it is Crazy Jean, and everyone hopes he will do well at Jordan for the last five races this year. Just one little problem - because of the ban on testing, Alesi hasn’t driven a Jordan, but I’m sure he’ll adapt quickly, though both he and Frentzen will be allowed 50 km so they can find where the switch is for the Nox bottles and lunch control (I’ll have a ham and salad sandwich, thanks).

Of course, down in Froglegland, Alain (the nose) Prost has been cleaning out Alesi’s desk and arranging seat fittings for the aforementioned Heinz-Harry. This has to be the most amazing driver switch in the history of GP racing. Why Eddie Jordan got rid of Frentzen is still shrouded in mystery, but I am sure that Eddie’s loss is Alain’s gain.

Heinz-Harry

For that matter, several computer type whiz kids at BMW Williams will have been going through the telemetry records of their two drivers to try and see why Ralfie’s car lasts, while Juan Pablo’s doesn’t. They will also have had a radio technician in to find out why Ralf’s radio always goes on the blink when they ask him to move over for the Colombian. Some sort of domestic deafness for sure!

Down in the dungeons at Renault, their engineers will be trying to work out what happened to get both their cars into the points at Hockenheim, while Jenson Button will have been spending the last three weeks writing letters. “Dear Team Owner, I am the driver who last year they all said would be going somewhere. Unfortunately this year that seems to be going backwards. Have you any vacancies for an enthusiastic young driver next year?” However, with Sir Frank Williams, the patron saint of GP drivers, holding the Button contract, he may as well have saved the expense of writing paper. You aren’t going anywhere, Jenson.

You can also be assured that Herr Norbert Haug of Mercedes, today’s answer to yesterday’s Alfred Neubauer, will have been knocking on the door of Mario Illien of Ilmor Engineering to ask why the expensive MB badged power plant appears to be experiencing too many warranty claims. Meanwhile Ron Dennis will be seeing if he can get Hakkinen to wear Coulthard’s helmet in qualifying. By the way, there is a precedent for this. Some years back it was decided that both the lead driver and co-driver in the Bathurst 1000 km race in Oz had to qualify within 115% or whatever of the pole time, not just one driver. Since many of the co-drivers were guys who had bought their seat by bringing in oodles of $$$$’s in sponsorship, rather than being offered a drive because they were quick and competent, this caused quite a kerfuffle. “Co-drivers” were seen coming out from their tents, helmet on and dark visor down and wearing ill-fitting driving suits, sprinting to the car, doing three laps and come back in, sprinting to the tent still fully kitted out, and a few minutes later the lead driver would be seen to amble out nonchalantly!

The Hungarian GP should be quite interesting. Join me in Shenanigans in front of the big screen. The race should kick off at 7 p.m. this Sunday, but check with the UBC catalogue or with landlord Kim Fletcher. I generally get there early to get a good seat and have something to eat from the Carvery while waiting.

A bit about bikes While most people know that there have been hundreds of brands of motorcars over the years, those numbers come nowhere near that of motorcycles which are over 2,500 different makes. An Opel two wheeler Did you know for example that Maserati made motorcycles between 1953 and 1961? Beginning with a 123 cc model, the ultimate Maserati motorcycle was a 248 cc vertical twin with overhead cam engine. Opel in Germany was another car manufacturer that tried its hand at two wheels between 1901 and 1930. Fritz Von Opel was one of the test riders and even experimented with a six rocket powered motorcycle (three on each side of the rear wheel) in 1928. Development was abandoned after they discovered it was a little hard to stop! BMW of course still make both cars and motorcycles. The first BMW bike had a transverse mounted 493 cc engine and shaft drive. The same concept being kept today. Minerva, another famous name in vintage motoring also produced two wheelers up till 1914. Famous names such as the oh-so-British Triumph have been going since 1903 but the Coventry Triumph works were founded not by the Brits but by two Germans, Siegfried Bettman and Maurice Schulte. So you can all stop waving your Union Jacks immediately!

The Guinness Book of Records My motorcycling mate Alan, in the UK, has managed to get his hands on a pre-publication version of the 2002 Guinness Book of Records, he would have us imagine. Since I believe him implicitly, I publish these two, yet to be printed, entries for the famous Guinness book. Car Parking The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova ‘Swing’ on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15 a.m. in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours, 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts. Incorrect Driving The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week I asked what thread type do you find in the knock-offs for the wheels of the MG T series? Now that was really simple. It was Whitworth - that very coarse thread, almost like a BSP (British Standard Pipe for the Union Jack wavers).

So to this week and we’ll begin with a piece of classic Americana - the 1953 Chevrolet Corvette. This was a most notable motorcar and was the first fibreglass bodied car. However, this week’s quiz has absolutely nothing to do with Corvettes! I want to know which car had the first fibreglass monocoque body. The key word is monocoque, gentle readers!

For the Automania FREE beer this week, be the first correct answer to fax 427 596 or email [email protected]

Porsche down to last $448 million Porsche AG has said it will post a record profit of over one billion marks ($448 million) in its business year ending July 31 and that it sold over 50,000 vehicles in the same period. For those of mathematical bent, or a calculator with enough zeros, that’s a tad short of USD 9,000 profit per car. Porsche 993 When you stop to think about it, that’s not a lot of profit per vehicle. You wouldn’t be wanting to hand over much in the way of discounts, would you! Hot on the heels of the news was the fact that Porsche AG had been removed from the German Stock Exchange - not for doubtful financial practices, but for not filing a quarterly report with the Deutsche Boerse. “In our opinion, quarterly reporting is mainly a way of making business for Deutsche Boerse and banks,” said Porsche. Not silly, our men at Porsche!

TTCC Round 3 this weekend

The local Honda Civics and hopefully a couple of Toyota Corollas will be at the Bira Circuit this weekend for their third round. These meetings are a far cry from the very professionally run events put on by AIM Racing - the Thailand Grand Touring Car Championship. In Oz we would call these “Club” meetings, generally run by one of the car clubs, where the standards are much lower (of cars in particular). Some of the Civics are really held together with sponsor’s stickers and race tape.