Dear Hillary,
You have often mentioned books that newcomers to Thailand should read and you should add Falangs in Thailand to that list. This cartoon book by Mike Baird is based on truth and everyone who laughs at the drawings should also remember that (it is based on truth). The cartoonist must have spent a lot of time watching what goes on in Pattaya, but what he shows is the same for Bangkok, Phuket and Chiang Mai. Private Dancer by Stephen Leather is another that anyone who spends time in the bars should read. Stay there long enough and it will happen to you, so be warned. I hope this helps, Hillary. I enjoy your column.
Jack

Dear Jack,
Thank you for the information about suitable books, and I have looked at both and do agree with your ideas. Unfortunately, I think many young chaps who come here (and some not so youngs as well) don’t seem to be able to read. Perhaps the cartoon books will be better for them, as long as they realize that Mike Baird is being very satirical. We can only hope, Petal. We can only hope.

Dear Hillary,
One of the girls at my office has been very friendly to me. Holds my hand when talking to me in the corridor, and always goes out of her way to talk to me and smiles a lot in my direction. Her English seems pretty good, but I don’t know if she is married or not. She did ask me what I was going to give her for her birthday last week and so I did get her some chocolates. Where do I go from here?
Confused

Dear Confused,
From the sketchy details you have given me, Petal, it is very hard to know exactly what is in the lady’s mind. However, she obviously does enjoy her chats in the corridor. You say you don’t know if she is married or not, so how am I going to know! But it is easy to find out. Next time you are having a chat in the corridor, why don’t you just ask her, “Are you married?” is not difficult to say, is it? If that is too daunting, ask one of the girls in the office if she is married. All the office girls will know each other’s marital status (and ‘martial’ status too). Loosen up a little, or maybe you’d like to try in the local supermarket. The price check lady in the vegetable section is unattached, I believe!

Dear Hillary,
I have a problem with my wife’s cooking. She does a mean sausage, egg and chips these days, and even has a go at toad in the hole. It’s not her British cooking that’s the problem - it’s when her girlfriends come over and they start cooking that Issan stuff. The really, really, really bad smelling stuff. Honestly Hillary, when I walk in the door of the house I get hit with it. It’s so bad I come close to puking. She knows I hate the smell, but she does this at least twice a week. It puts me right off my food as well. What should I do? She’s a great woman, other than the Issan cooking.
Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,
This is an easy one to fix, my Petal. You say you live in a house. All houses have a back door, and Issan cooking, to be really genuine should be cooked outside. Most homes that foreigners live in have two kitchens - one indoors for the sausage, egg and chips and the other outside for the Issan, where the pungent and the putrid smells (from an ingredient called “Pla Ra”) just waft away with the afternoon’s breezes. The one outside is called the “Thai kitchen” and does not get used for toad in the hole, either, as all the cooking implements, woks, etc., are impregnated with it.

Dear Hillary,
I am a U.K citizen living in Thailand and my legal wife is a Thai who has never visited the U.K. As a pensioner I applied for my wife and was told, no problem, and was sent a form. As well as returning the form they required the following:

National Insurance No.
Wife’s passport
Marriage certificate
And if applicable - Divorce paper or death certificate of spouse

These all have to be notarized. It took me a full nine months before it was completed, but they pay you from the date you register plus an extra three months. On completion my wife also received her National insurance No. Don’t give up it takes a lot of hard work and perseverance. If you have paid the full stamps it will be worth about a few thousand baht a week to you. The place to apply to is:
The Pension Service
Tyneview Park
International Pension Centre
Newcastle upon Tyne
NE98 1BA
England
For an application form Tel. 191 21 87777
Hope this is of some help Hillary.
Peter

Dear Peter,
This has been of great help, although really outside of my sphere, and you have given the contact details. Thank you, on behalf of all the Thai spouses who might just get a little more spending money each week!