Dear Hillary,

Please don’t think that all English people are as rude as the chap who signed himself “Ron Phuket Thailand” in last week’s column, and well done for pointing out his abysmal spelling and grammar. Unfortunately, these self-satisfied people think they are always in the right, and for some reason think that since they came from overseas, this gives them the right to be rude to everyone not from their culture (not that Ron had much of that). While you are playfully rude yourself at times, it is obvious to everyone (other than Ron) that this is a column for entertainment, not a psychologist’s public consulting room. Keep up the good work Hillary. We come from the UK ourselves and look forward to your words of wisdom every week, and thank our lucky stars we have avoided all the traps for young players.

Joyce and George

Dear Joyce and George,

Thank you for springing to my defense. It is good to know that not everyone who considers themselves cultured is as crass as Ron. However, let me assure you that I did not cry myself to sleep after receiving Ron’s riposte. I get used to letters such as his. They are not every week, because the majority of readers of the Pattaya Mail are fairly normal human beings. Note I wrote “fairly” (just to cover myself and you)! Thank you again for your inspirational letter, and I’ve forgotten about Ronnie Boy already.

Dear Hillary,

I read somewhere about a Thai wife receiving 100,000 THB each month as a “salary”, but she ended up blowing the lot on drugs and gambling and got caught. Why do these absent husbands hand over such ridiculously large sums to these women? 100,000 THB is well above 90 percent of the salaries paid in this country, and that is for very responsible positions in big companies. Of course money like that would go to her head. He is just as guilty as she is, but only she will have to go to jail. I don’t think the penalties are even-handed enough.

Anna

Dear Anna,

I’m sorry Anna, my Petal, but I really don’t agree with you. Sure, the lady was caught and will spend time in jail, but the husband was not breaking the law, his wife was. Some people will say that the salary he was giving her was excessive (like yourself), but he cannot be held accountable, or looked upon as an accessory to the crime. How much he gives his wife each month depends upon many factors. As well as how much the husband is earning. The only problem I have with the entire scenario is where are these men when I need them? 100,000 baht a month would do just fine, thank you. And I promise not spend it all at the same casino.

Dear Hillary,

Why is there so much in your Agony Aunt column about love-sick, spurned and hopeless men? Don’t they understand that all of life is a lottery and there’s only a few winning tickets. When you don’t win this one then you line up again for the next lottery - after all there’s plenty of lotteries and plenty of tickets in this country! I buy a new lottery ticket every week and I’m enjoying every one of those tickets and one will be a big winner one day. I know I’m younger than most of your correspondents so I’m well aware that I am more of an attraction to the Thai women than they are, but you only live once, as they say! These hopeless guys should just get off their asses and stop moaning and get on with life, but I suppose for most of them they are really past it, so all that’s left is to write whingeing letters to their Agony Aunt Hillary. These guys should just accept the fact that the world belongs to the young. Don’t you agree Hillary, or are you past it too?

Larry the Lottery player

Dear Larry,

Don’t you think you are just the cat’s pajamas, my Petal. I am so glad you admitted that you are a youngster as it helps explain your arrogance. We were all young once, and in the next few years it will just be a memory for you too. Your cock-sure attitude will mature, as you mature. Normal men have emotions, just as do normal women do. That is why men write in with their emotional problems. It’s a bit of a release for them. That is what these sorts of columns are about, my precious Larry. However, you do show me that you also are a loving person, Larry, unfortunately it is only for yourself. Have you ever thought about changing your name to Narcissus? I am sure you can’t walk past a mirror without checking your reflection either. Ever heard the expression “You’ve got tickets on yourself”? Well you certainly have, and it’s not all lottery tickets. Your time is coming Larry the lottery lover. Now please go outside and play with your toys.