Dear Hillary,
After writing to a Thai girl for almost one year, I met her at Xmas and she was everything I could have ever hoped for. Loving and caring in a way no woman from home has ever been. I spent three wonderful weeks with her, met the family and her son (aged 5), all nice people. I will be coming back in March and we will get engaged officially and look at marriage later in the year when I am due more vacation. My girl has mentioned that something called “sinsot” must be paid to her parents, which I think is like a dowry. She is saying a million baht which is more than 30,000 dollars, and that is quite a lot of money for me to put my hands on at one time, after paying for air fares and accommodation. Is this usual, Hillary? If so, it is turning me off marrying this girl.
Leroy

Dear Leroy,
After three weeks, you are so sure of this relationship that you will be returning to get engaged and married later in the year. And then you are lining up to pay a dowry as well. My Petal, please go and look in the mirror and see if you have the letters ATM tattooed on your forehead. Your “loving and caring” girl has a son already and is not a virgin, so there is no need to pay a dowry, unless of course it was a virgin birth, but I’ll let you work that one out. My Petal, you haven’t got a relationship with enough depth to even start to contemplate marriage, and you are being led up the proverbial garden path by the carrot. My advice is simple - RUN.

Dear Hillary,
One of your guys wrote to you complaining that he couldn’t get his live-in GF to go. You suggested to him that he might have to pay a little money as a sweetener. I agree with you Hillary. And the more you will give, the sooner she will go. Important is you stay there when she will move, and check. Next time, think before taking one of them home.
Phoenix

Dear Phoenix,
Is that you River Phoenix? Amazing what you can do on the internet these days! But wise words indeed, Petal. Especially being there on leaving day, just to make sure the silverware doesn’t accidentally get packed with the jeans!

Dear Hillary,
Have you ever been embarrassed because everywhere you go, your partner makes you late? What do you do about hopeless time keepers? (Or are you one of them too?) My Thai girlfriend is wonderful in every way, other than the fact she can never be on time for anything! And I mean anything. I bought her a watch, I’ve put a clock on the bedroom wall, but that does not get her into better time habits either. I know Thai people are supposed to have this free and easy attitude to time, but my friends expect me to be on time for appointments, lunches and the like, and if I bring Noi we will always be late and I get hassled and irritated, which can spoil the day. What suggestions do you have, Hillary?
Tick Tock
Dear Tick Tock,
It is “time” (sorry about that) for you to sit down with your girlfriend and explain why you have a need to be “on time” everywhere. “Secondly” (sorry about that again, but some days I can’t help myself) you should also make “time” (there I go again) to sit down and make sure that you are not needlessly making life more difficult for yourself than it need be. Is it always imperative that you be exactly on time? There is always a middle way, Petal, especially in Thailand. Telling your friends that you will be at the venue between 7-7.30 gives you 30 minutes of wriggle room, and you can always fib and tell your girlfriend you are expected to be there at 6.30. (But I’ll deny I ever said that!)

Dear Hillary,
The wife of one of my husband’s friends will be coming to visit Thailand next month, along with a couple of her girl friends. They would all be in their 50’s, and have been very active in Parent-Teacher associations and the like. Well respected people. However she shocked me when she wrote and said they wanted to see a “sex show” while they are here. Do you think it’s proper for me to take them to some of the more outrageous places, or what? I have to admit I haven’t ever been to one myself. I’m really blown away by this. What do you recommend, Hillary?
Blown Away

Dear Blown Away,
There is nothing to worry about, my dear. You say that you haven’t been to any of the “outrageous places” but it is obvious that you know where they are if nothing else. Sure you didn’t sneak out one night, Petal? However, everybody knows we don’t have sex shows in Thailand. The nice policeman told me so. If you’re really worried, get your husband to take them.