Almost everyone has seen it, and a few of you might even have personal
experiences with what is commonly called ‘addictive relationships’. These are
the forms of relationships where everyone around a particular couple might raise
their hands in disbelief over why both partners are still together.
There might be a strong and obvious imbalance between both of
them, sometimes aggressiveness or jealousy of one partner towards the other or
blackmailing, but still, for some reason, the ‘addicted’ partner can’t find a
way to ultimately break up or might even excuse their loved one’s behavior.
I have helped numerous clients get rid of their addictions
over the years, and in working with couples (another major field of my work), I
couldn’t help but notice certain patterns in chronically difficult relationships
that resemble problems of addicts that their partners or family members have to
fight with.
An addictive relationship thus is unthinkable without one
partner who is emotionally unstable and would in most cases require professional
support to successfully deal with their problems for one. But since they are not
ready to deal with their problems, or they are delusional, it needs someone who
is ready to ‘support’, or in better words: invest their time, energy and often
enough money to take the edge off the other’s imminent issues and to keep not
only themselves, but also the relationship going, hoping for things to get
better in the near future.
But often enough, it just keeps a vicious circle going - a
circle the partner might actually already have experienced during their entire
life, sometimes extreme behavior endured by helpful souls who took care for them
along the way.
Unfortunately, there is no simple ‘recipe’ on how to help
such partners effectively, as the one who suffers most is often very resistant
to all efforts aimed at helping them get back on their feet again.
Many of you will know firsthand how many times these friends
or acquaintances end up emotionally damaged, financially weakened or even
physically injured. What you as a fellow friend can do is to avoid getting
sucked into the ‘black hole’ of such an relationship yourself and to push both
of them to seek professional advice.
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Live the happy life you planned! Richard L.
Fellner is head of the Pattaya Counseling Center in Soi Khopai and
offers consultations in English and German languages (after making
appointments at 0854 370 470). |
