How to stay married to a Thai woman

Hi Hillary,

Keep up the good work, Hills Old Girl. For those of us not lucky enough to be in Thailand all the time we certainly appreciate the Thai sunshine you bring to us.

Being married to a Thai and working off-shore, there’s a lot of trust involved in the relationship, so I hope you won’t mind a Farang / Thai marriage success story. For the doubters out there - yes, there are very many others who share in the wonderful experience of being married to a Thai woman. My advice is the same as for any other prospective long term union irrespective of nationality - “remember to engage the brain before slapping the gear stick into top and then pressing the turbo button.” Yes, there are many differences in culture to overcome and the rules are not quite the same, “face” was certainly a new concept for me to understand! But a good Thai woman with some education and a sensible and flexible farang man who can listen and try to understand can match just perfectly. Even though we say that only a fool and his money are soon parted, but parting with a little bit here there occasionally to help the family is expected and is not so bad, is it? And it keeps the union going.

James

Dear James Old Boy,

I do try to give both sides of relationships, but those hundreds of happy couples don’t need to write in for my valued advice, do they. I agree that it does take some give and take on the part of the foreigner, but the Thai woman must also understand that there may be two ways of looking at things. I have found this has worked for me - there are always two sides to any argument, mine and the wrong one! By the way, a little less of the “Old girl.” Thank you, Petal!

An embarrassing situation

Dear Hillary,

I am in my 50’s and spend around six months of the year here in Thailand, where I have my wife and an 11 year old boy, our son. I find it very distressing when my son and I go somewhere to hear cat-calls from the yobs in the bars, suggesting in not a nice way, that I am some sort of a pedophile, and my son is selling sex. This makes it that we do not want to go out to public places any more.

Have you or your readers any suggestions?

Troubled Dad

Dear Troubled Dad,

Unfortunately prejudice is always with us, and is certainly more prevalent in the bar areas. There is not much you can do, other than stay away from those neighborhoods. When your son is a bit older you won’t get so many ‘smart’ comments, as these people are cowards when they come face to face with the people they are jeering at. Don’t take it personally, but rise above their gutter level.

Somebody give him a push, please!

Dear Hillary,

I have been having a sort of long distance relationship with a very sweet girl for the past five years. I was on holidays here and met her as she was a travel agent and helped me with changing some flight plans. We got along well and had dinner together a couple of times before I returned to the UK. We stayed in touch by email and she asked me to correct her emails as she wanted to improve her English.

The next time I came over, she helped me again and we began seeing each other every day, and she even came with me on a trip up-country, but stayed in her own room, as she comes from a very strict family.

We did this for a couple of years, getting closer all the time, but never had relations. She did suggest, half joking I thought, that maybe we should get married, but I said that couldn’t happen as she was 32 years old and I was 60, and she never mentioned it again.

So now I have a permanent guide that I am very attached to, and really would like to pop the question. Should I do it, Hillary, or just put up with the situation as it is?

Hesitant Horace

Dear Hesitant Horace,

I am sure you are a lovely man, but it looks to me as if you have been hurt at some stage and you’re now afraid of letting this relationship develop further. Goodness me, my Petal, this woman has been giving you the green light for years, and you haven’t seen it. You are blind as well as hesitant, it seems. She is getting older, so she is no young thing out to empty your wallet, and the age difference is obviously something she had already taken in her stride some time ago.

I don’t think you should read my reply to your letter and then immediately rush out and buy the ring, but just let the relationship continue to build, as it was doing until you put the brakes on! Once you relax, it will all roll along quite nicely, until the right moment to pop the question will be normal. All the best, Horace.