Dear Hillary,
I am the mother of a sixteen-year-old girl and I am worried sick about AIDS and premarital sex. I know my daughter has received plenty of information about this at school, but I would still like to give her some advice. What is the best way to talk to her?
Worried Mother
Dear Worried Mother,
Parents have the delicate job of making sure that their teenagers know all there is to know about sex, sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancies, while at the same time respecting their privacy.
It does no good to scare them because it just doesn’t work. Nor does it help for you to sit at home and be anxious. Talk to her in a friendly way about your first time and that you will never forget it for it was so beautiful and you hope she will make it the best experience possible. Tell her that if she merely throws it away because she’s drunk or bored, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.
At the same time you have to make sure that your daughter knows all about sexually transmitted diseases. You might not be comfortable talking about such topics, but it is simply your duty in our days. Don’t use such talk to try to scare her out of having premarital sex, instead try to make sure she understands exactly what the consequences of her actions are, so that she can make informed decisions instead of simply giving in to peer pressure. If you are strictly against premarital sex, your daughter must be made aware of this. But try to understand, in the end the decision is hers to make and it is more important to keep the lines of communication open than to risk alienating her by being too negative.

Dear Hillary,
I am Australian, 48, my wife is Thai and 24 years old. We’ve been married now for 2 1/2 fantastic years. As far as I am concerned she’s more sexy and beautiful every day. Our sex life is good although I would like it to be more adventurous and spontaneous. My wife once told me, not too long ago, that she was having fantasies about having sex with another woman. I am starting to think that she wants to become bisexual. I asked a friend who told me that every man wishes for something like that. Not that it bothers me, but I’d like to know what you think.
Aussie
Dear Aussie,
I would tell you not to worry about your wife’s fantasies. Often fantasies are just fantasies and they remain fantasies. These days, especially with the sexually transmitted diseases that are around, I would never recommend bringing a third person into your lovemaking. I think that you shouldn’t even ask her about her fantasies, unless they are sexually arousing to you and she really likes to tell you about them and how frequent such fantasies are. Usually women do not want to engage in such activities in reality. Yes, there are some men who like to watch two women. We really don’t why that is so, but in today’s climate of sexually transmitted diseases I would be wary of such activity.

Dear Hillary,
I am a 28 year old female and my husband is 31. We are extremely happy together and our sex life is wonderful. The problem is that my husband sees no problem in going to go go bars with his friends once in a while. I’ve asked him to stop, but he says he wants to have some fun in life. It really bothers me, I feel ashamed. I believe that visiting a go go bar is immoral and almost like cheating. The thought of him looking at women with almost all their clothes off sickens me. He says that when he goes, he doesn’t get turned on, it’s just a place for he guys to go. He feels that if I tell him not to go, that I am trying to control him. What should I do?
Against Go Go Bars
Dear Against,
I get a lot of complaints from women about their men getting turned on while looking at pornography - either magazines, videos or on-line - and while your issue is similar, it’s really different. The difference is that when he goes to these go go places, it would be with other guys, so if he told them that he didn’t want to go, when he’d always gone before, he’d feel like a wimp. My feeling is that if you make too big an issue out of this, it could develop into more of a problem than it’s worth.
Now, while I don’t believe that he doesn’t get turned on, this is definitely not competition for you, and in fact he might come home from such an outing very aroused and you’d be the beneficiary. Since the thought bothers you, my advice is to tell him that you don’t like the idea, but if he has to do it, not to tell you what he’s doing, just say he is going out with the guys to a bar. Since this seems like something that will always happen once in a while, I wouldn’t make a fuss. If he starts going there every week, that’s another story.