Dear Hillary,
Well here we are in 2012, and how many farangs are going to throw themselves off high buildings this year, after finding that their absolute gem was only interested in their money? Would you like to have a small wager as to just how many? I’ll say one a month, that’s 12 for the year. Just why do they do it?
George

Dear George,
Why do they throw themselves off high buildings? Because the train service is only once a day at a most inhospitable time! No, I won’t take you up on your wager as it might only encourage some of them. My Petal, it’s all a bit sad really, and I don’t think you should be making jokes about it. It would be better if you started something for the farangs as a support for them in their time of extreme need. Think it over.

Dear Hillary,
Just how much should a husband put up with? My Thai wife (though we’re not officially married but been together for six years) is starting to get quite lazy. When I come home from the office, she will be watching TV or on the computer and will still be in her PJs, dirty dishes in the sink, floors not mopped, clothes not washed. I’m having to take my shirts to the laundry close to work myself. The relationship is starting to be a little one-sided if you ask me. What’s the next step?
Paul

Dear Paul,
Have you sat down with your wife and discussed this? After being together for six years you must have a reasonable good system of communication by now. Mind you, the duties that are left undone are really those of a maid - is this what you expect of a wife - home duties and humping later? You must be bringing in a good salary; get a maid and then encourage your wife to do something creative to fill in her time between dinners. One last point, Petal. Is your wife drinking during the day? Alcohol problems can sometimes show up like this.

Dear Hillary,
I have come to the conclusion that for a Thai woman, a watch is merely a fashion statement, and nothing to do with telling the time, which it seems they are genetically unable to do. Hillary, is it that they don’t know how to read the time from a watch, or what is it? My Thai wife is perfect in almost every way, other than being able to be on time. My foreigner friends all tell me they have the same problem with their women. There must be some answer. What is it? I get tired of hanging around, waiting for my “timeless” wife.
Punctual Pete

Dear Punctual Pete,
There are many aspects of life in Thailand that are perplexing for the farang mind, and many of these you might just have to accept as the price of living in this country and having a Thai wife who is “almost perfect in almost every way” (quoting your email to me). The western man is raised in a culture which places great stock on being “on time”, but does it really matter? Will the world stop still if you are late? Of course not. The Thai culture accepts that “time” is merely an indication, not some part of an exact scientific measurement. You will not change your wife I’m afraid, but you can tell her to ring you and give you an estimate on when she will arrive, as a compromise.

Dear Hillary,
How do you tell someone that they are making a rod for their own backs with the way the people next door treat their six year old? This child is now utterly spoilt. As far as I can see, whatever the child wants, the child gets, and that can be new clothes, make-up or even a mobile phone. Can you believe that? They just gave an six year old a mobile phone, and of course it has to be the one that takes photographs, not just a simple portable telephone. We can see just what is going to happen in the future, but they don’t seem to be able to. She has mixed parents.
Rod

Dear Rod,
I am not so sure who is most “mixed” here, Petal. Most parents these days are “mixed” as in most child-rearing pairs you get one male and one female! Most parents also get fairly “mixed” up with the vexed questions of raising children. Ask around, nobody has the perfect answer to bringing up perfect children. I also note that you can “see what is going to happen in the future”. Lucky you! Clairvoyance is a rare gift. You should try and capitalize on it (it’s known as being a “Mor Du”). You can try sending me the winning ticket number for the local lottery. I am prepared to split my winnings with you, if your future vision is that good. In the meantime, I suggest you stop snooping on what the neighbors are doing and tend to your own life.